George Bush is visiting the Queen of England. He asks her, Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient government? Are there...
propus: 14 Iul 2006
George Bush is visiting the Queen of
England. He asks her, "Your Majesty, how
do you run such an efficient government?
Are there any tips you can give me?"
A man walks into a bar and he's really pissed. The bartender gives him a drink and asks what the problem is. All he says is: - All lawyers are assholes. A man sitting in the corner [...]
"Well," says the Queen, "the
most important thing is to surround
yourself with intelligent people.
"Bush frowns. "But how do I know the
people around me are really
The Queen takes a
sip of tea. "Oh, that's easy. You just
ask them to answer an intelligence
riddle. The Queen pushes a button on her
intercom. "Please send The Prime
Minister in here, would you?" Tony Blair
walks into the
The Queen smiles.
"Answer me this, please, Tony. Your
mother and father have a child. It is
not your brother and it is not your
sister. Who is it?"
pausing for a moment, Blair answers,
"That would be me!"
good!" says the Queen.
the White House, Bush calls in his vice
president, Dick Cheney. "Dick, answer
this for me. Your mother and your father
have a child. It's not your brother and
it's not your sister. Who is it?"
"I'm not sure," says the vice
president. "Let me get back to you on
Dick Cheney goes to
his advisers and asks every one, but
none can give him an answer. Finally, he
ends up in the men's room and recognizes
Colin Powell's shoes in the next stall.
Dick shouts, "Colin! Can you
answer this for me? Your mother and
father have a child and it's not your
brother or your sister. Who is it?"
Colin Powell yells back, "That's
easy. It's me!"
back to the Oval Office and asks to
speak with Bush. "Say, I did some
research and I have the answer to that
riddle. It's Colin Powell.
"Bush gets up, stomps over to Dick
Cheney, and angrily yells into his face,
"It's Tony Blair!"
banc precedent The Pope is visiting Washington, D.C., and President Bush takes him out for an afternoon on the Potomac, cruising on the Presidential yacht, the Sequoia. They're admiring the sights when, all of a [...]
When you have an "I hate My Job" day,
On your way home from
work, stop at your pharmacy and go to
the thermometer section and purchase a
rectal thermometer made by Johnson &
Johnson. Be very sure you get this
brand. When you get home, lock your
doors, draw the curtains and disconnect
the phone so you will not be disturbed.
Change into very comfortable clothing
and sit in your ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 12 Septembrie 2006
A simple friend, when visiting, acts
like a guest.
A real friend opens
your refrigerator and helps himself.
A simple friend has never seen
A real friend has shoulders
soggy from your tears.
friend doesn't know your
friend has their phone numbers in his
A simple friend
brings a bottle of wine to your party.
A real ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 5 Mai 2005
Gravitation is not responsible for
people falling in love.
think of the future. It comes soon
The only thing that
interferes with my learning is my
Education is what remains
after one has forgotten everything he
learned in school.
Two things are
infinite: the universe and human
stupidity; and I'm not sure about
Wire telegraph is a
kind of a very, ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 12 Aprilie 2005
Q: Tarzan and the animals went to the
river to take a bath. Tarzan removed his
clothes. All the animals laughed. Tarzan
A: The animals told
him. Your tail is in front". ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 5 Februarie 2007
1. The Japanese eat very little fat and
suffer fewer heart attacks than
2. The Mexicans eat a lot
of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks
3. The Chinese drink
very little red wine and suffer fewer
heart attacks than Americans.
Italians drink excessive amounts of red
wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than
5. The Germans drink a
lot of beers and eat ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 11 Noiembrie 2004
Husband and wife are waiting at the bus
stop with their 9 children. A blind man
joins them after a few minutes. When the
bus arrives, they find it overloaded and
only the wife and the 9 kids are able to
fit onto the bus.
husband and the blind man decide to
walk. After a while, the husband gets
irritated by the ticking of the stick of
the blind man as he taps it on the
sidewalk, and says ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 5 Octombrie 2006
European Commission has just announced
an agreement whereby English will be the
official language of the European Union
rather than German, which was the other
As part of the
negotiations, the British Government
conceded that English spelling had some
room for improvement and has accepted a
5- year phase-in plan that would become
known as "Euro-English".
first year, "s" will ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 5 Aprilie 2006
Year 1981 =========
Charles got married
crowned Champions of Europe
Year 2005 =========
1. Prince Charles got married
2. Liverpool crowned
Champions of Europe (again)
*** In Future,
Charles wants to re-marry
Liverpool needs another crown. .... POOR
POPE....!! ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 23 August 2005
An American tourist in London found
himself needing to take a leak,
something terrible. After a long search
he just couldn't find any public
bathroom to relieve himself. So he went
down one of the side streets to take
care of business. Just as he was
unzipping, a London police officer
"Look here, old chap,
what are you doing?" the officer asked."
"I'm sorry," the American ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 31 August 2004
Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What's the nature of
Caller: My wife is
pregnant and her contractions are only
two minutes apart!
this her first child?
is her husband! ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 12 Aprilie 2007
Mr. Gable had a leak in the roof over
his dining room, so he called a
repairman to take a look at it. "When
did you first notice the leak?" the
scowled. "Last night, when it took me
two hours to finish my soup!" ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 12 Octombrie 2006
A lawyer and an engineer were fishing in
the Caribbean. The lawyer said:
here because my house burned down, and
everything I owned was destroyed by the
fire. The insurance company paid for
"That's quite a
coincidence," said the engineer. "I'm
here because my house and all my
belongings were destroyed by a flood,
and my insurance company also paid for
The lawyer ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 4 Aprilie 2007
10 WAYS THE BIBLE WOULD BE DIFFERENT (If
Written By College Students)
10. Last Supper would have been
eaten the next morning - cold.
The Ten Commandments are actually only
five, double-spaced, and written in a
8. New edition every two
years in order to limit reselling.
7. Forbidden fruit would have been
eaten because it wasn't cafeteria food.
6. Paul's letter to the Romans ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 17 Mai 2007