George Bush is visiting the Queen of England. He asks her, Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient government? Are there...
propus: 14 Iul 2006
George Bush is visiting the Queen of
England. He asks her, "Your Majesty, how
do you run such an efficient government?
Are there any tips you can give me?"
"Well," says the Queen, "the
most important thing is to surround
yourself with intelligent people.
"Bush frowns. "But how do I know the
people around me are really
intelligent?"
The Queen takes a
sip of tea. "Oh, that's easy. You just
ask them to answer an intelligence
riddle. The Queen pushes a button on her
intercom. "Please send The Prime
Minister in here, would you?" Tony Blair
walks into the
room. "Your
Majesty..."
The Queen smiles.
"Answer me this, please, Tony. Your
mother and father have a child. It is
not your brother and it is not your
sister. Who is it?"
Without
pausing for a moment, Blair answers,
"That would be me!"
"Yes! Very
good!" says the Queen.
Back at
the White House, Bush calls in his vice
president, Dick Cheney. "Dick, answer
this for me. Your mother and your father
have a child. It's not your brother and
it's not your sister. Who is it?"
"I'm not sure," says the vice
president. "Let me get back to you on
that one."
Dick Cheney goes to
his advisers and asks every one, but
none can give him an answer. Finally, he
ends up in the men's room and recognizes
Colin Powell's shoes in the next stall.
Dick shouts, "Colin! Can you
answer this for me? Your mother and
father have a child and it's not your
brother or your sister. Who is it?"
Colin Powell yells back, "That's
easy. It's me!"
Dick Cheney
smiles. "Thanks!"
Cheney goes
back to the Oval Office and asks to
speak with Bush. "Say, I did some
research and I have the answer to that
riddle. It's Colin Powell.
"Bush gets up, stomps over to Dick
Cheney, and angrily yells into his face,
"It's Tony Blair!"
A man walks into a bar and he's really pissed. The bartender gives him a drink and asks what the problem is. All he says is: - All lawyers are assholes. A man sitting in the corner [...]
banc precedent The Pope is visiting Washington, D.C., and President Bush takes him out for an afternoon on the Potomac, cruising on the Presidential yacht, the Sequoia. They're admiring the sights when, all of a [...]
banc urmator
Two lawyers arrive at the pub and
ordered a couple of drinks. They then
take sandwiches from their briefcases
and began to eat.
Seeing this, the
angry publican approaches them and says,
'Excuse me, but you cannot eat your own
sandwiches in here!'
The two look at
each other, shrug and exchange
sandwiches.
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 8 Iunie 2011
This is an actual job application that a
75 year old senior citizen submitted to
Walmart in Arkansas. They hired him
because he was so funny.
- - - - - -
- - - - -
NAME: Kenneth Way (Grumpy
Bastard)
SEX: Not lately, but I am
looking for the right woman (or at least
one who will cooperate)
DESIRED
POSITION: Company's President or Vice
President. But seriously, whatever's
available. If I was in
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 21 Noiembrie 2006
Husband and wife are waiting at the bus
stop with their 9 children. A blind man
joins them after a few minutes. When the
bus arrives, they find it overloaded and
only the wife and the 9 kids are able to
fit onto the bus.
So the
husband and the blind man decide to
walk. After a while, the husband gets
irritated by the ticking of the stick of
the blind man as he taps it on the
sidewalk, and says
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 5 Octombrie 2006
Mr. Gable had a leak in the roof over
his dining room, so he called a
repairman to take a look at it. "When
did you first notice the leak?" the
repairman inquired.
Mr. Gable
scowled. "Last night, when it took me
two hours to finish my soup!"
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 12 Octombrie 2006
WIFE VS. HUSBAND
A couple drove down
a country road for several miles, not
saying a word.
An earlier discussion
had led to an argument and neither of
them wanted to concede their position..
As they passed a barnyard of mules,
goats, and pigs, the husband asked
sarcastically, 'Relatives of yours?'
'Yep,' the wife replied, 'in-laws.'
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Duminica, 30 Mai 2010
Each Friday night after work, Bubba
would fire up his outdoor grill and cook
venison steak. But all of Bubba's
neighbors were Catholic, and since it
was Lent, they were forbidden from
eating red meat on Friday.
The
delicious aroma from the grilled venison
steaks was causing such a problem for
the Catholic faithful that they finally
talked to their priest.
The priest
came to visit Bubba and
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 8 Martie 2007
An engineer was crossing a road one-day
when a frog called out to him and said:
- If you kiss me, I'll turn into
a beautiful princess.
He bent over,
picked up the frog and put it in his
pocket.
The frog spoke up again and
said:
- If you kiss me and turn me
back into a beautiful princess, I will
stay with you for one week.
The
engineer took the frog out of his
pocket, smiled at it and
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 31 Martie 2005
"Davey, what sound does a cow make?"
Davey replied, "It goes 'moo.'"
"Alice, what sound does a cat make?"
Alice said, "It goes 'meow.'"
"Jamie, what sound does a lamb
make?"
Jamie said, "It goes 'baaa.'"
"Jennifer, what sound does a
mouse make?"
Jennifer paused, and
said, "Uhh. .. it goes. .. 'click!'"
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 14 August 2007
There is an old story about a mother who
walks in on her six-year-old son and
finds him sobbing. "What's the matter?"
she asks.
"I've just figured out how
to tie my shoes."
"Well, honey,
that's wonderful." Being a wise mother,
she recognizes his victory in the
Eriksonian struggle of autonomy versus
doubt: "You're growing up, but why are
you crying?"
"Because," he says,
"now I'll have to do it
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 20 Aprilie 2007
The phone rang. It was a salesman from a
mortgage refinance company. "Do you have
a second mortgage on your home?"
"No," I replied.
"Would you like
to consolidate all your debts?"
"I
really don't have any," I said.
"How
about freeing up cash for home
improvements?" he tried.
"I don't
need any. I just recently had some done
and paid cash," I parried.
There was
a brief silence, and then he
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 2 Februarie 2007
The graduate with a Science degree asks,
"Why does it work?"
The graduate
with an Engineering degree asks, "How
does it work?"
The graduate with an
Accounting degree asks, "How much will
it cost?"
The graduate with an Arts
degree asks, "Do you want fries with
that?"
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 31 Martie 2005
A couple was going out for the evening.
They'd gotten ready, all dolled up,
dog put out, etc. The taxi arrives, and
as the couple start out, the dog shoots
back in the house. They don't want
the dog shut in the house,so the wife
goes out to the taxi while the husband
goes upstairs to chase the dog out.
The wife, not wanting it known that
the house will be empty explains to the
taxi
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 31 August 2004
One day Jake, a nine-year-old, asked to
pack his own lunch for school. His mom
agreed. But they couldn't agree on what
he should pack, so they both made lists.
This was the mom's list:
One sandwich
One apple
Pretzels
A carton of milk
This was Jake's list:
Candy
Candy
Candy
Jake agreed
to compromise. Sure enough, the next
morning, Jake was ready for school and
he packed his lunch.
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 12 Ianuarie 2007
Worst Things To Say On A First Date:
- I used to have a real bad
bedwetting problem... but the last
couple of weeks I've gotten it under
control.
- I know we just met and
this might seem a little sudden. .. but
could I borrow five hundred dollars?
- Go ahead and Super Size - I found
spare change in the sofa today.
-
Something tells me that you're very
special... but with medication I can
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 14 Februarie 2007
Unexpected cold snaps had destroyed the
buds on my father's young peach tree for
two years in a row. This spring, Dad was
ready. He replanted the sapling in a
large box, mounted it on wheels, and put
the tree in the garage whenever the
temperature dropped.
One warm April
day, Dad was wheeling the tree out into
the yard, and he stopped to give our dog
a drink from the garden hose. A neighbor
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 14 Iunie 2007