George Bush is visiting the Queen of England. He asks her, Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient government? Are there...
propus: 14 Iul 2006
George Bush is visiting the Queen of
England. He asks her, "Your Majesty, how
do you run such an efficient government?
Are there any tips you can give me?"
"Well," says the Queen, "the
most important thing is to surround
yourself with intelligent people.
"Bush frowns. "But how do I know the
people around me are really
intelligent?"
The Queen takes a
sip of tea. "Oh, that's easy. You just
ask them to answer an intelligence
riddle. The Queen pushes a button on her
intercom. "Please send The Prime
Minister in here, would you?" Tony Blair
walks into the
room. "Your
Majesty..."
The Queen smiles.
"Answer me this, please, Tony. Your
mother and father have a child. It is
not your brother and it is not your
sister. Who is it?"
Without
pausing for a moment, Blair answers,
"That would be me!"
"Yes! Very
good!" says the Queen.
Back at
the White House, Bush calls in his vice
president, Dick Cheney. "Dick, answer
this for me. Your mother and your father
have a child. It's not your brother and
it's not your sister. Who is it?"
"I'm not sure," says the vice
president. "Let me get back to you on
that one."
Dick Cheney goes to
his advisers and asks every one, but
none can give him an answer. Finally, he
ends up in the men's room and recognizes
Colin Powell's shoes in the next stall.
Dick shouts, "Colin! Can you
answer this for me? Your mother and
father have a child and it's not your
brother or your sister. Who is it?"
Colin Powell yells back, "That's
easy. It's me!"
Dick Cheney
smiles. "Thanks!"
Cheney goes
back to the Oval Office and asks to
speak with Bush. "Say, I did some
research and I have the answer to that
riddle. It's Colin Powell.
"Bush gets up, stomps over to Dick
Cheney, and angrily yells into his face,
"It's Tony Blair!"
A man walks into a bar and he's really pissed. The bartender gives him a drink and asks what the problem is. All he says is: - All lawyers are assholes. A man sitting in the corner [...]
banc precedent The Pope is visiting Washington, D.C., and President Bush takes him out for an afternoon on the Potomac, cruising on the Presidential yacht, the Sequoia. They're admiring the sights when, all of a [...]
banc urmator
A lady about eight months pregnant got
on a bus. She noticed the man opposite
her was smiling at her. So she
immediately moved to another seat.
This time the smile turned to a
grin, so she moved again. The man seemed
even more amused. When, on the fourth
move, the man burst out laughing, she
complained to the driver and he had the
man arrested.
The case came up in
court. The judge asked the man
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 2 Iulie 2007
UNDERSTANDING WOMEN (A MAN'S
PERSPECTIVE)
I know I'm not going to
understand women.
I'll never
understand how you can take boiling hot
wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip
the hair out by the root, and still be
afraid of a spider.
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 13 Mai 2010
An architect, an artist and an engineer
were discussing whether it was better to
spend time with the wife or a mistress.
The architect said he enjoyed time
with his wife, building a solid
foundation for an enduring relationship.
The artist said he enjoyed time with
his mistress, because the passion and
mystery he found there.
The engineer
said: "I like both. If you have a wife
and a mistress,
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 31 Martie 2005
There were these three nuns that were
killed in a traffic accident, and
immediately sent to the Pearly Gates.
As St. Peter was looking over their
files, he said, "You ladies have been
very good, but before I can let you in,
you have to answer a question." So he
asks the first nun,
- "What was the
name of the first man that God created?"
- "Adam," she replied. The lights
started flashing,
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 5 Iunie 2006
"In Italy for thirty years under the
Borgias they had warfare, terror,
murder, bloodshed; they produced
Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci and the
Renaissance.
In Switzerland they had
brotherly love, five hundred years of
democracy and peace, and what did they
produce? The cuckoo clock!"
Orson
Welles
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 16 Mai 2005
A Polish man moved to the USA and
married an American girl. Although his
English was far from perfect, they got
along very well until one day he rushed
into a lawyer's office and asked him if
he could arrange a divorce for him.
The lawyer said that getting a
divorce would depend on the
circumstances, and asked him the
following questions:
- Have you any
grounds?
- Yes, an acre and half and
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 16 Ianuarie 2007
Error messages:
1. Enter any
11-digit prime number to continue.
2. Press any key to continue or any
other key to quit.
3. Bad command or
file name! Go stand in the corner.
4. This will end your Windows
session. Do you want to play another
game?
5. Windows message: "Error
saving file! Format drive now? (Y/Y)"
6. To "shut down" your system, type
"WIN"
7. BREAKFAST.SYS halted...
Cereal port
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 10 Noiembrie 2004
Q: What's the difference between biology
and sociology?
A: When the baby
looks like his dad or mom, then it is
biology. When the baby looks like the
neighbour, then it is sociology.
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 5 Februarie 2007
A Spanish teacher was explaining to her
class that in Spanish, unlike English,
nouns are designated as either masculine
or feminine.
"House" for instance,
is feminine: "la casa."
"Pencil,"
however, is masculine: "el lapiz."
A
student asked, "What gender is
'computer'?"
Instead of giving the
answer, the teacher split the class into
two groups, male and female, and asked
them to decide for
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 5 Iunie 2007
Bono is at a U2 concert in Dublin when
he asks the audience for some quiet.
Then, in the silence, he starts to
slowly clap his hands.
He says into
the microphone, in a deep solemn
voice...
"Just for a moment, think
outside yourself... Outside this
arena... Every time I clap my hands, a
child in Africa dies."
A loud Irish
voice from near the front pierces the
moment...
"Well, ya ****** ****,
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 27 Octombrie 2006
Depression in the age of global
outsourcing: I was feeling depressed the
other day, so I called LifeLine. They
had recently outsourced, so I was put
through to their new Call Center in
Pakistan.
I explained that I was
feeling suicidal. They were very excited
to hear this and wanted to know if I
could drive a truck or fly an
airplane....
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 12 Noiembrie 2007
A new young bride calls her mother in
tears.
She sobs:
- Robert
doesn't appreciate what I do for
him.
- Now, now,. ..her mother
comforted, I am sure it was all just a
misunderstanding.
- No, mother, you
don't understand. I bought a frozen
turkey roll and he yelled and screamed
at me about the price!
- Well, the
nerve of that lousy cheapskate! says her
mom. Those turkey rolls are only
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 12 Aprilie 2005
Two engineering students were walking
across campus when one said:
- Where
did you get such a great bike?
The
second engineer replied:
- Well, I
was walking along yesterday minding my
own business when a beautiful woman rode
up on this bike. She threw the bike to
the ground, took off all her clothes and
said, "Take what you want."
The
second engineer nodded approvingly:
- Good choice; the
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 31 Martie 2005
TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence
starting with 'I.'
MILLIE: I is..
TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say,
'I am.'
MILLIE: All right... 'I am
the ninth letter of the alphabet.'
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 26 Noiembrie 2008