George Bush is visiting the Queen of England. He asks her, Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient government? Are there...
propus: 14 Iul 2006
George Bush is visiting the Queen of
England. He asks her, "Your Majesty, how
do you run such an efficient government?
Are there any tips you can give me?"
A man walks into a bar and he's really pissed. The bartender gives him a drink and asks what the problem is. All he says is: - All lawyers are assholes. A man sitting in the corner [...]
"Well," says the Queen, "the
most important thing is to surround
yourself with intelligent people.
"Bush frowns. "But how do I know the
people around me are really
The Queen takes a
sip of tea. "Oh, that's easy. You just
ask them to answer an intelligence
riddle. The Queen pushes a button on her
intercom. "Please send The Prime
Minister in here, would you?" Tony Blair
walks into the
The Queen smiles.
"Answer me this, please, Tony. Your
mother and father have a child. It is
not your brother and it is not your
sister. Who is it?"
pausing for a moment, Blair answers,
"That would be me!"
good!" says the Queen.
the White House, Bush calls in his vice
president, Dick Cheney. "Dick, answer
this for me. Your mother and your father
have a child. It's not your brother and
it's not your sister. Who is it?"
"I'm not sure," says the vice
president. "Let me get back to you on
Dick Cheney goes to
his advisers and asks every one, but
none can give him an answer. Finally, he
ends up in the men's room and recognizes
Colin Powell's shoes in the next stall.
Dick shouts, "Colin! Can you
answer this for me? Your mother and
father have a child and it's not your
brother or your sister. Who is it?"
Colin Powell yells back, "That's
easy. It's me!"
back to the Oval Office and asks to
speak with Bush. "Say, I did some
research and I have the answer to that
riddle. It's Colin Powell.
"Bush gets up, stomps over to Dick
Cheney, and angrily yells into his face,
"It's Tony Blair!"
banc precedent The Pope is visiting Washington, D.C., and President Bush takes him out for an afternoon on the Potomac, cruising on the Presidential yacht, the Sequoia. They're admiring the sights when, all of a [...]
George B.: Condi! Nice to see you.
Sir, I have the report here about the
new leader of China.
Great. Lay it on me.
Hu is the new leader of China.
George B.: That's what I want to
Condoleeza R.: That's what I'm
George B.: That's what
I'm asking you. Who is the new leader of
Condoleeza R.: Yes.
George B.: I ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 12 Septembrie 2006
When I went to lunch today, I noticed an
old lady near a park bench sobbing her
eyes out. I stopped and asked her what
She said: "I have a 22
year old husband at home. He makes love
to me every morning and then gets up and
makes me pancakes, sausage, fresh fruit
and freshly ground coffee."
"Well, then why are you crying?"
said: "He makes me homemade soup for
lunch and my ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 24 Februarie 2005
A truck driver had to deliver five
hundred penguins to the state zoo. As he
was driving his truck through the
desert, the truck broke down.
After waiting by the side of the
road for about three hours, he waved
another truck down and offered the
driver $500 to take the penguins to the
state zoo for him.
day, the first truck driver arrived in
town and saw the second truck driver ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 3 Decembrie 2007
THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN
THINGS THAT ARE VERY
DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
THINGS THAT ARE
DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. No thanks, I'm married.
Nope, no more booze for me!
Sorry, but ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 22 Mai 2008
A school teacher sends this note to all
parents on the first day of school: "If
you promise not to believe everything
your child says happens at school, I'll
promise not to believe everything he
says happens at home." ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Duminica, 27 Ianuarie 2008
The truth about working in the IT
1. We work weird
2. They pay you to
make the client happy...
client pays a lot of money, but your
employer keeps almost every penny...
4. You are rewarded for fulfilling
the client's dreams...
friends fall apart and you end up
hanging out with people in the same
profession as you...
6. When you
have to meet the ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 27 Noiembrie 2006
There is more money being spent on
breast implants and Viagra today than on
Alzheimer's research. This means that by
2040, there should be a large elderly
population with perky boobs and huge
erections and absolutely no recollection
of what to do with them. ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 23 Februarie 2007
A guy dies and is sent to Hell. Satan
meets him, shows him doors to three
rooms, and says he must choose one spend
In the first room,
people are standing in shit up to their
necks. The guy says "no, let me see the
In the second room,
people are standing with shit up to
their noses. Guy says no again.
Finally, Satan opens the door to the
third room. People are standing ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 2 Februarie 2006
A man is incomplete until he is married.
Then he is finished.
is the triumph of imagination over
When a woman
steals your husband, there is no better
revenge than to let her keep him. ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 6 Octombrie 2006
During a taxi, the crew of a US Air
departure flight to Ft. Lauderdale made
a wrong turn and came nose-to-nose with
a United 727. The irate ground
controller (a female) lashed out at the
US Air crew screaming, "US Air 2771,
where are you going? I told you to turn
right on 'Charlie' taxi way; you turned
right on 'Delta.' Stop right there. I
know it's difficult to tell the
difference between a C ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 25 Martie 2008
A Czech goes to the optician who shows
him a card with the letters 'C Z W X
N Q S T A C Z'.
"Can you read
this?" the optician asks.
it?" the Czech replies, "I even know the
guy." ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 31 August 2004
TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical
formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L
M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking
DONALD: Yesterday you said
it's H to O. ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 26 Noiembrie 2008