There were these three nuns that were killed in a traffic accident, and immediately sent to the Pearly Gates. As St. Peter was...
propus de: Asignix pe data: 5 Iun 2006
There were these three nuns that were
killed in a traffic accident, and
immediately sent to the Pearly Gates.
As St. Peter was looking over their
files, he said, "You ladies have been
very good, but before I can let you in,
you have to answer a question." So he
asks the first nun,
- "What was the
name of the first man that God created?"
- "Adam," she replied. The lights
started flashing, music started playing,
the angels started singing, and then two
angels came out and gave the nun her
halo and wings, and off she went into
the Pearly Gates. Then St.Peter asked
the second nun,
- "What was the name
of the name of the first woman that God
created?"
- "Eve," the nun said. And
the lights started and two angels came
out and gave the nun her halo and wings,
and off she went into the Pearly Gates.
Then St. Peter asked the third nun,
- "What was the first thing that Eve
said to Adam?" The nun, clearly
confused, started scratching her head,
and replied,
- "Gee, that's a hard
one!" And the lights started flashing,
the music started playing....
In an attempt to stop the spread of bird flu, President George W. Bush has just bombed the Canary Islands. Turkey is next...
banc precedent A man walks into a bar and he's really pissed. The bartender gives him a drink and asks what the problem is. All he says is: - All lawyers are assholes. A man sitting in the corner [...]
banc urmator
A statistician, who refused to fly after
reading of the alarmingly high
probability that there will be a bomb on
any given plane, realized that the
probability of there being two bombs on
any given flight is very low. Now,
whenever he flies, he carries a bomb
with him.
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 7 Februarie 2006
A hamster and a rat were sitting on the
side of a swimming pool. They were
enjoying the sun. Suddenly the rat
turned to the hamster and asked him:
Dude,
How come people
consider me a noisance, and you a pet?
How come people pay money to have
you, while they are trying to kill me?
How come you are considered a cute
little animal, while I am considered
creepy and disgusting?
How come you
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 8 Septembrie 2004
A soldier stationed in Iraq recently
received a "Dear John" letter from his
girlfriend back home. It read as
follows:
Dear Ricky,
I can
no longer continue our relationship. The
distance between us is just too great. I
must admit that I have cheated on you
twice, since you've been gone, and
it's not fair to either of us.
I'm sorry.
Please return the
picture of me that I sent to
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 10 Iunie 2005
1. The sport of choice for the urban
poor is BASKETBALL.
2. The sport of
choice for maintenance level employees
is BOWLING.
3. The sport of choice
for front-line workers is FOOTBALL.
4. The sport of choice for
supervisors is BASEBALL.
5. The
sport of choice for middle management is
TENNIS.
6. The sport of choice for
corporate officers is GOLF.
AMAZING CONCLUSION:
The higher
you are in
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 18 Octombrie 2004
People who do lots of work... make lots
of mistakes.
People who do less
work... make less mistakes.
People
who do no work... make no mistakes.
People who make no mistakes... gets
promoted.
That's why I spend
most of my time sending e-mails &
playing games at work... I need a
promotion.
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 10 Ianuarie 2005
- Bless me Father, for I have sinned
with a woman.
The priest asks, "Is
that you, little Johnny Parisi?"
-
Yes, Father, it is.
- And who was
the woman you were with?
- I can't
tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin
her reputation.
- Well, Johnny, I'm
sure to find out her name sooner or
later, so you may as well tell me now.
Was it Tina Minetti?
- I cannot say.
- Was it Teresa Volpe?
-
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 6 Octombrie 2006
Sweetheart:
I can't send my
salary this month, so I am sending 100
kisses. You are my sweetheart.
Your husband,
Allen
...
His wife replied back after some
days to her husband:
Dearest
sweetheart,
Thanks for your 100
kisses, I am sending the expenses
details:
1. The Milk man agreed on 2
kisses for one month's milk.
2.
The electricity man only agreed after 7
kisses.
3.
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 13 Septembrie 2005
Recently while going through an airport
during one of his many trips, President
Bush encountered a man with long hair,
wearing a white robe, and sandals,
holding a staff.
President
Bush went up to the man and said,
"Aren't you Moses?" The man never
answered but just kept staring straight
ahead. Again the President said,
"Moses!" in a loud voice. The man just
kept staring ahead, never
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 5 Aprilie 2005
Once upon a time in a land far away, a
beautiful, independent, self-assured
princess happened upon a frog as she sat
contemplating ecological issues on the
shores of an unpolluted pond in a
verdant meadow near her castle. The frog
hopped into the princess' lap and said:
- Elegant Lady, I was once a
handsome prince, until an evil witch
cast a spell upon me. One kiss from you,
however, and I will
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 12 Septembrie 2007
Q: What's the difference between biology
and sociology?
A: When the baby
looks like his dad or mom, then it is
biology. When the baby looks like the
neighbour, then it is sociology.
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 5 Februarie 2007
Thirty lines to make you smile.
1.. My husband and I divorced over
religious differences. He thought he was
God and I didn't.
2.. I don't suffer
from insanity; I enjoy every minute of
it.
3.. I Work Hard Because Millions
On Welfare Depend on Me!
4.. Some
people are alive only because it's
illegal to kill them.
5.. I used to
have a handle on life, but it broke.
6.. Don't take life too
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 15 Februarie 2006
Accidents Happen
A man happens
upon a friend and sees that his friend's
car is wrecked and covered with leaves,
grass, branches, dirt, and blood. He
asks his friend, "What happened to your
car?"
"Well," the friend
responses, "I ran into a lawyer."
"OK," says the man, "that explains
the blood... But what about the leaves,
the grass, the branches, and the dirt?"
"Well, I had to chase
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 26 Septembrie 2006
A man walks along a lonely beach.
Suddenly he hears a deep voice: DIG!
He looks around; nobody's there. "I
am having hallucinations," he thinks.
Then he hears the voice again: I SAID,
DIG!
So he starts to dig in the sand
with his bare hands, and after a bit, he
finds a small chest with a rusty lock.
The deep voice says: OPEN!
OK,
the man thinks, let's open the thing. He
finds a rock with
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 18 Aprilie 2008
There were 3 good arguments that Jesus
was Black:
1. He called everyone
brother.
2. He liked Gospel.
3.
He couldn't get a fair trial.
But then there were 3 equally good
arguments that Jesus was Jewish:
1.
He went into His Father's business.
2. He lived at home until he was 33.
3. He was sure his Mother was a
virgin and his mother was sure he was
God.
But then there
were 3
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 20 Octombrie 2005