There were these three nuns that were killed in a traffic accident, and immediately sent to the Pearly Gates. As St. Peter was...

Banc din categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)

propus de: Asignix pe data: 5 Iun 2006

There were these three nuns that were killed in a traffic accident, and immediately sent to the Pearly Gates.
As St. Peter was looking over their files, he said, "You ladies have been very good, but before I can let you in, you have to answer a question." So he asks the first nun,
- "What was the name of the first man that God created?"
- "Adam," she replied. The lights started flashing, music started playing, the angels started singing, and then two angels came out and gave the nun her halo and wings, and off she went into the Pearly Gates. Then St.Peter asked the second nun,
- "What was the name of the name of the first woman that God created?"
- "Eve," the nun said. And the lights started and two angels came out and gave the nun her halo and wings, and off she went into the Pearly Gates. Then St. Peter asked the third nun,
- "What was the first thing that Eve said to Adam?" The nun, clearly confused, started scratching her head, and replied,
- "Gee, that's a hard one!" And the lights started flashing, the music started playing....

In an attempt to stop the spread of bird flu, President George W. Bush has just bombed the Canary Islands. Turkey is next...
banc precedent
A man walks into a bar and he's really pissed. The bartender gives him a drink and asks what the problem is. All he says is: - All lawyers are assholes. A man sitting in the corner [...]
banc urmator

Subject: Geography lesson for the Day


THE GEOGRAPHY OF A WOMAN

Between 18 and 20 a woman is like Africa, half discovered, half wild, naturally beautiful with fertile deltas.

Between 21 and 30 a woman is like America, well-developed and open to trade, especially for someone with cash.

Between 31 and 35 she is like India, very hot, relaxed and
convinced of her own beauty.

Between ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 10 Noiembrie 2004


A man called home to his wife and said,
"Honey I have been asked to go fishing up in Canada with my boss & several of his friends. We'll be gone for a week. This is a good opportunity for me to get that promotion I've been wanting so could you please pack enough clothes for a week and set out my rod and fishing box? We're leaving from the office & I will swing by the house to pick ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 18 Octombrie 2004


The 3 fastest ways of communication in the world are:
3. Tele-fax
2. Tele-phone
1. Tell-a-woman
Need it faster? Ask her not to tell anyone! ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Duminica, 24 Iunie 2007


1. There's always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it. For example, I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt.

2. The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

3. You don't stop laughing because you grow old. You grow old because you stop laughing.

4. A penny saved is a government ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 30 Mai 2005


I am passing this on to you because it definitely worked for me and we all could use more calm in our lives. By following the simple advice I heard on a Dr. Phil show, I have finally found inner peace. Dr. Phil proclaimed, "The way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you've started." So I looked around my house to see all the things I started and hadn't finished, and before ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 30 Mai 2005


I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdgnieg The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid Aodccrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dnsoe't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 10 Noiembrie 2004


An American tourist in London found himself needing to take a leak, something terrible. After a long search he just couldn't find any public bathroom to relieve himself. So he went down one of the side streets to take care of business. Just as he was unzipping, a London police officer showed up.
"Look here, old chap, what are you doing?" the officer asked."
"I'm sorry," the American ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 31 August 2004


Once upon a time in a land far away, a beautiful, independent, self-assured princess happened upon a frog as she sat contemplating ecological issues on the shores of an unpolluted pond in a verdant meadow near her castle. The frog hopped into the princess' lap and said:
- Elegant Lady, I was once a handsome prince, until an evil witch cast a spell upon me. One kiss from you, however, and I will ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 12 Septembrie 2007


What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?
Mechanical Engineers build weapons and Civil Engineers build targets. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 31 Martie 2005


Round like a shotRound like a shot ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 2 Octombrie 2007


The truth about working in the IT industry:

1. We work weird (night) shifts...
2. They pay you to make the client happy...
3. The client pays a lot of money, but your employer keeps almost every penny...
4. You are rewarded for fulfilling the client's dreams...
5. Your friends fall apart and you end up hanging out with people in the same profession as you...
6. When you have to meet the ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 27 Noiembrie 2006


A hamster and a rat were sitting on the side of a swimming pool. They were enjoying the sun. Suddenly the rat turned to the hamster and asked him:
Dude,

How come people consider me a noisance, and you a pet?
How come people pay money to have you, while they are trying to kill me?
How come you are considered a cute little animal, while I am considered creepy and disgusting?
How come you ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 8 Septembrie 2004


Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 31 Martie 2005


An engineer dies and reports to Heaven. St. Peter checks his dossier and says, "Ah, you're an engineer, you're in the wrong place."
So the engineer reports to Hell and is let in. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in Hell, and starts designing and building improvements. After a while, they've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and the ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 4 Aprilie 2007


My sister, a truck driver, had decided to get a dog for protection. As she inspected a likely candidate, the trainer told her, "He doesn't like men." Perfect, my sister thought, and took the dog.
Then one day, two men in a parking lot approached her, and she watched to see how her canine bodyguard would react. Soon it became clear that the trainer wasn't kidding. As the men got closer, the dog ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 13 Iunie 2007