A man is taking a walk in Central park in New York. Suddenly he sees the little girl being attacked by a pitbull. He runs over...
propus: 3 Mai 2006
My girlfriend called me as she was
driving to an appointment. She arrived,
and I could tell from her voice that she
was getting frustrated. Finally she
said:
- I know I had my cell phone
with me. And
now I can't find it!
I replied:
- Aren't you talking
on it!?
There was a solid period of
stunned silence as the reality of the
situation sank in - followed by:
-
You are NOT going to tell
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 1 Februarie 2008
Some lines:
1. I feel like I'm
diagonally parked in a parallel
universe.
2. On the other hand,
it's better to have fingers than toes.
3. A day without sunshine is
like. .. night!
4. How many of
you believe in psycho-kenisis? Raise my
hand.
5. Everyone has a
photographic memory, but some don't have
any film.
6. When everything is
coming your way. .. you're in the wrong
lane.
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 17 August 2006
In a class on abnormal psychology, the
instructor was about to introduce the
subject of manic depression.
The
instructor asked, "How would you
diagnose a patient who walks back and
forth, screaming at the top of his lungs
one minute, then sits in a chair weeping
uncontrollably the next?"
A young
man in the rear raised his hand and
suggested earnestly, "A basketball
coach?"
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 4 Decembrie 2006
A new missionary recruit went to
Venezuela for the first time. He was
struggling with the language and didn't
understand a whole lot of what was going
on. Intending to visit one of the local
churches, he got lost, but he eventually
got back on track and found the place.
Having arrived late, the church was
already packed. The only pew left was
the one on the front row.
So as
not to make a fool
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 21 Februarie 2007
You Know You Have a Bad Computer When...
10. The lower corner of screen has
the words "Etch A Sketch" on it.
9.
When you insert a disk, it spits out a
pack of cigarettes.
8. You have to
pedal it.
7. The manual contains one
sentence: "Good luck!"
6. The only
chip inside came from a bag of Doritos.
5. When you turn it on, the dogs in
the neighborhood start howling.
4.
You catch a virus from
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 20 August 2007
- 25th Wedding Anniversary -
At the
banquet of Tom and Susan's 25th wedding
anniversary, Tom was asked to give his
friends a brief account of the benefits
of a marriage of such long duration.
- Tell us, Tom, just what is it you
have learned from all those wonderful
years with your wife?
Tom responded:
- Well, I've learned that marriage
is the best teacher of all. It teaches
you loyalty,
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 21 Iunie 2007
An American tourist in London found
himself needing to take a leak,
something terrible. After a long search
he just couldn't find any public
bathroom to relieve himself. So he went
down one of the side streets to take
care of business. Just as he was
unzipping, a London police officer
showed up.
"Look here, old chap,
what are you doing?" the officer asked."
"I'm sorry," the American
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 31 August 2004
"Davey, what sound does a cow make?"
Davey replied, "It goes 'moo.'"
"Alice, what sound does a cat make?"
Alice said, "It goes 'meow.'"
"Jamie, what sound does a lamb
make?"
Jamie said, "It goes 'baaa.'"
"Jennifer, what sound does a
mouse make?"
Jennifer paused, and
said, "Uhh. .. it goes. .. 'click!'"
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 14 August 2007
Concerned about fitness in my middle
40s, I enrolled in an aerobics class. To
my dismay I walked into a room filled
with much younger women and decided to
combat my nervousness with humor.
"I'm here to do my postnatal
exercises."
The instructor gave me
an appraising look. "How old is your
baby?"
"Twenty-six," I replied.
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 13 Februarie 2008
During a taxi, the crew of a US Air
departure flight to Ft. Lauderdale made
a wrong turn and came nose-to-nose with
a United 727. The irate ground
controller (a female) lashed out at the
US Air crew screaming, "US Air 2771,
where are you going? I told you to turn
right on 'Charlie' taxi way; you turned
right on 'Delta.' Stop right there. I
know it's difficult to tell the
difference between a C
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 25 Martie 2008
Bono is at a U2 concert in Dublin when
he asks the audience for some quiet.
Then, in the silence, he starts to
slowly clap his hands.
He says into
the microphone, in a deep solemn
voice...
"Just for a moment, think
outside yourself... Outside this
arena... Every time I clap my hands, a
child in Africa dies."
A loud Irish
voice from near the front pierces the
moment...
"Well, ya ****** ****,
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 27 Octombrie 2006
Learn Chinese in 5 Minutes
1)
That’s not right = Sum Ting Wong
2) Are you harbouring a fugitive =
Hu Yu Hai Ding
3) See me ASAP = Kum
Hia
4) Stupid Man = Dum Fuk
5)
Small Horse = Tai Ni Po Ni
6) Did
you go to the beach = Wai Yu So Tan
7) I bumped the coffee table = Ai
Bang Mai Fa Kin Ni
8) I think you
need a face lift = Chin Tu Fat
9)
It’s Very dark in here = Wai So Dim
10)
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 28 Noiembrie 2006
A young man married a beautiful woman
who had previously divorced ten
husbands. She told her new husband,
"Please be gentle with me, as for me
it's the first time."
"What?" said
the puzzled groom. "How can that be if
you've been married ten times?"
"Well, husband #1 was a Sales
Representative; he kept telling me how
great it was going to be."
"Husband
#2 was in Software Services; he was
never
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 2 August 2006