Drug-dealers vs software developers. Drug dealers - Refer to their clients as users. Software developers - Refer to their...

Banc din categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)

propus de: Olly pe data: 28 Apr 2006

Drug-dealers vs software developers.

Drug dealers - Refer to their clients as "users".
Software developers - Refer to their clients as "users".

Drug dealers - "The first one's free!"
Software developers - "Download a free trial version..."

Drug dealers - Have important South-East Asian connections (to help move the stuff).
Software developers - Have important South-East Asian connections (to help debug the code).

Drug dealers - Strange jargon: "Stick", "Rock", "Dime bag," "E".

Software developers - Strange jargon: "SCSI", "ISDN", "Java", "RTFM"

Drug dealers - Realize that there's tons of cash in the 14- to 25-year-old market.

Software developers - Realize that there's tons of cash in the 14- to 25-year-old market.

Drug dealers - Job is assisted by industry's producing newer, more potent mixes.

Software developers - Job is assisted by industry's producing newer, faster machines.

Drug dealers - Often seen in the company of pimps and hustlers.

Software developers - Often seen in the company of marketing people and venture capitalists (same thing).

Drug dealers - Their product causes unhealthy addictions.

Software developers - DOOM. Quake. SimCity. Duke Nukem 3D. 'Nuff said.

Drug dealers - Do your job well, and you can be with sexy movie stars who depend on you.

Software developers - ****! ****! ****!!!

Once upon a time there were two brothers. One brother was very mischievous, always getting into trouble. The other brother, however, was very good. He was always kind to animals, [...]
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Success is just like being pregnant.
Everybody congratulates you but nobody knows how many times you tried! ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 24 Iulie 2009


Two cows are conversing in a field. The first one says to the other, "Have you heard about this 'mad cow disease' that is going around?"
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How to avoid the flu

Eat right! Make sure you get your daily dose of fruits and veggies.
Take your vitamins and bump up your vitamin C.
Get plenty of exercise because exercise helps build your immune system.
Walk for at least hour a day, go for a swim, take the stairs instead of the elevator, etc.
Wash your hands often. If you can't wash them, keep a bottle of antibacterial stuff ... citeste tot

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The phone rang. It was a salesman from a mortgage refinance company. "Do you have a second mortgage on your home?"
"No," I replied.
"Would you like to consolidate all your debts?"
"I really don't have any," I said.
"How about freeing up cash for home improvements?" he tried.
"I don't need any. I just recently had some done and paid cash," I parried.
There was a brief silence, and then he ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 2 Februarie 2007


All the scientists die and go to heaven. They decide to play hide-n-seek. Unfortunately Einstein is the one who has the den. He is supposed to count up to 100 and then start searching. Everyone starts hiding except Newton. Newton just draws a square of 1 meter and stands in it right in front of Einstein. Einstein's counting: 1,2,3..97,98,99,100.
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A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a Cop. Being a typical lawyer, he thinks he is smarter than the Cop so he decides to have some fun at the Cop's expense.
Cop says:
- License and registration, please.
Lawyer says:
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Cop says:
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Lawyer says:
- I slowed down, and no one was coming.
Cop says:
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Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 22 Noiembrie 2005


- Pythagorean theorem: 24 words.
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- - - The US Government regulations on the sale of cabbage: 26,911 words!!! - - - ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 10 Aprilie 2007


A man walks into a bar and he's really pissed. The bartender gives him a drink and asks what the problem is. All he says is:
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A man sitting in the corner shouts:
- I take offense to that!
The pissed off guy asks him:
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The other replies:
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Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 30 Iunie 2006


A baby polar bear comes up to his mother and asks, "Momma, am I a polar bear?"
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Several minutes later, he returns. "Momma, are you absolutely sure I am a polar bear?"
"Yes, son, absolutely sure. Now go and play."

Several minutes later, he returns asking, "Momma, you're sure I'm 100% polar bear?"
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Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 13 August 2008


FEMALE PRAYER
Before I lay me down to sleep,
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One who loves to listen long,
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One who'll call, not wait for weeks.
I pray he's gainfully employed,
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Pulls out my chair and opens my door,
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Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 23 August 2005


Husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop with their 9 children. A blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife and the 9 kids are able to fit onto the bus.

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Recently while going through an airport during one of his many trips, President Bush encountered a man with long hair, wearing a white robe, and sandals, holding a staff.

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Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 5 Aprilie 2005


The truth about working in the IT industry:

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Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 27 Noiembrie 2006


"In Italy for thirty years under the Borgias they had warfare, terror, murder, bloodshed; they produced Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci and the Renaissance.
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Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 16 Mai 2005


A young lady visited the government matchmaker for marriage and requested: "I'm looking for a spouse. Can you please help me to find a suitable one?"
The marriage officer said: "Your requirements please."
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