European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather...
propus: 5 Apr 2006
European Commission has just announced
an agreement whereby English will be the
official language of the European Union
rather than German, which was the other
possibility. HOW TO RECRUIT THE RIGHT PERSON FOR THE JOB? Put about 100 bricks in some particular order in a closed room with an open window. Then send 2 or 3 candidates in the room and close the door. [...]
As part of the
negotiations, the British Government
conceded that English spelling had some
room for improvement and has accepted a
5- year phase-in plan that would become
known as "Euro-English".
first year, "s" will replace the soft
"c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil
servants jump with joy.
"c" will be dropped in favour of "k".
This should klear up konfusion, and
keyboards kan have one less letter.
There will be growing publik
enthusiasm in the sekond year when the
troublesome "ph" will be replaced with
"f". This will make words like fotograf
In the 3rd year, publik
akseptanse of the new spelling kan be
expekted to reach the stage where more
komplikated changes are possible.
Governments will enkourage the
removal of double letters which have
always ben a deterent to akurate
Also, al wil agre that the
horibl mes of the silent "e" in the
languag is disgrasful and it should go
By the 4th yer people wil be
reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th"
with "z" and "w" with "v".
fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd
from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz
fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensi bl
Zer vil be no mor trubl
or difikultis and evrivun
it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of
a united urop vil finali kum tru.
Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be
speking German like zey vunted in ze
If zis mad you smil,
pleas pas on to oza pepl.
banc precedent Once upon a time there were two brothers. One brother was very mischievous, always getting into trouble. The other brother, however, was very good. He was always kind to animals, [...]
1. The sport of choice for the urban
poor is BASKETBALL.
2. The sport of
choice for maintenance level employees
3. The sport of choice
for front-line workers is FOOTBALL.
4. The sport of choice for
supervisors is BASEBALL.
sport of choice for middle management is
6. The sport of choice for
corporate officers is GOLF.
you are in ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 18 Octombrie 2004
The Programmer's drinking song:
99 little bugs in the code,
bugs in the code,
Fix one bug,
compile it again,
101 little bugs
in the code.
101 little bugs in the
101 bugs in the code,
Fix one bug, compile it again,
103 little bugs in the code. ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 16 Octombrie 2006
George B.: Condi! Nice to see you.
Sir, I have the report here about the
new leader of China.
Great. Lay it on me.
Hu is the new leader of China.
George B.: That's what I want to
Condoleeza R.: That's what I'm
George B.: That's what
I'm asking you. Who is the new leader of
Condoleeza R.: Yes.
George B.: I ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 12 Septembrie 2006
The orthopedic surgeon I work for was
moving to a new office, and his staff
was helping transport many of the items.
I sat the display skeleton in
the front of my car, his bony arm across
the back of my seat. I hadn't considered
the drive across town. At one traffic
light, the stares of the people in the
car beside me became obvious, and I
looked across and explained, "I'm
delivering him to my ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 31 Octombrie 2006
A middle-aged couple had two beautiful
daughters but always talked about having
a son. They decided to try one last time
for the son they always wanted.
wife got pregnant and delivered a
healthy baby boy. The joyful father
rushed to the nursery to see his new
son. He was horrified at the ugliest
child he had ever seen.
He told his
'There's no way I can be the
father of this baby. ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 3 Iunie 2008
Students at a school were asked to write
about the harmful effects of oil on
One 11-year-old wrote, "When
my mom opened a tin of sardines last
night, it was full of oil and all the
sardines were dead." ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 4 Mai 2007
"I just don't understand it", an Irish
footballer complained... "One match I
play very well, and then the next match
"Well", said his
wife, "why don't you just play every
other match?" ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 30 Aprilie 2008
A big earthquake with the strength of
8.1 on the Richter scale hits Mexico.
Two million Mexicans have died and over
a million are injured. The country is
totally ruined and the government
doesn't know where to start with asking
for help to rebuild.
The rest of the
world is in shock.
sending troopers to help the Mexican
army control the riots.
Arabia is sending oil.
Other ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 31 Mai 2006
I'm sorry that you haven't
gotten much email from me lately.
It's because I'm tired. For a
couple years I've been blaming it on
iron poor blood, lack of vitamins,
dieting and a dozen other maladies. But
now I found out the real reason. I'm
tired because I'm overworked.
The population of this country is
237 million. 104 million are retired.
That leaves 133 million to ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 18 Octombrie 2004
Five Jews changed the way you see the
- Moses: The Law is
- Jesus: Love is
- Marx: Money is
- Freud: Sex is
- Einstein: Everything
is relative. ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 14 Februarie 2005
The man told his doctor that he wasn't
able to do all the things around the
house that he used to do. When the
examination was complete, he said:
Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell me in
plain English what is wrong with me.
- Well, in plain English, the doctor
replied, you're just lazy.
said the man. Now give me the medical
term so I can tell my wife. ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 2 Iunie 2011