European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather...
propus: 5 Apr 2006
European Commission has just announced
an agreement whereby English will be the
official language of the European Union
rather than German, which was the other
possibility.
As part of the
negotiations, the British Government
conceded that English spelling had some
room for improvement and has accepted a
5- year phase-in plan that would become
known as "Euro-English".
In the
first year, "s" will replace the soft
"c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil
servants jump with joy.
The hard
"c" will be dropped in favour of "k".
This should klear up konfusion, and
keyboards kan have one less letter.
There will be growing publik
enthusiasm in the sekond year when the
troublesome "ph" will be replaced with
"f". This will make words like fotograf
20% shorter.
In the 3rd year, publik
akseptanse of the new spelling kan be
expekted to reach the stage where more
komplikated changes are possible.
Governments will enkourage the
removal of double letters which have
always ben a deterent to akurate
speling.
Also, al wil agre that the
horibl mes of the silent "e" in the
languag is disgrasful and it should go
away.
By the 4th yer people wil be
reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th"
with "z" and "w" with "v".
During ze
fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd
from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz
fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensi bl
riten styl.
Zer vil be no mor trubl
or difikultis and evrivun
vil find
it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of
a united urop vil finali kum tru.
Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be
speking German like zey vunted in ze
forst plas.
If zis mad you smil,
pleas pas on to oza pepl.
HOW TO RECRUIT THE RIGHT PERSON FOR THE JOB? Put about 100 bricks in some particular order in a closed room with an open window. Then send 2 or 3 candidates in the room and close the door. [...]
banc precedent Once upon a time there were two brothers. One brother was very mischievous, always getting into trouble. The other brother, however, was very good. He was always kind to animals, [...]
banc urmator
A young man married a beautiful woman
who had previously divorced ten
husbands. She told her new husband,
"Please be gentle with me, as for me
it's the first time."
"What?" said
the puzzled groom. "How can that be if
you've been married ten times?"
"Well, husband #1 was a Sales
Representative; he kept telling me how
great it was going to be."
"Husband
#2 was in Software Services; he was
never
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 2 August 2006
1. Project Manager is a person who
thinks nine women can deliver a baby in
one month.
2. Developer is a person
who thinks it will take 18 months to
deliver a baby.
3. Onsite
Coordinator is one who thinks a single
woman can deliver nine babies in one
month.
4. Client is the one who
doesn't know why he wants a baby.
5. Marketing Manager is a person who
thinks he can deliver a baby even if
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 11 Aprilie 2005
If you love something, set it free. If
it comes back, itwill always be yours.
If it doesn't come back, it was never
yours to begin with. But, if it just
sits in your living room, messes up your
stuff, eats your food, uses your
telephone, takes your money, and doesn't
appear to realize that you had set it
free... You either married it or gave
birth to it
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 9 August 2007
A guy dies and is sent to Hell. Satan
meets him, shows him doors to three
rooms, and says he must choose one spend
eternity in.
In the first room,
people are standing in shit up to their
necks. The guy says "no, let me see the
next room."
In the second room,
people are standing with shit up to
their noses. Guy says no again.
Finally, Satan opens the door to the
third room. People are standing
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 2 Februarie 2006
A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets
pulled over by a Cop. Being a typical
lawyer, he thinks he is smarter than the
Cop so he decides to have some fun at
the Cop's expense.
Cop says:
-
License and registration, please.
Lawyer says:
- What for?
Cop
says:
- You didn't come to a
complete stop at the stop sign.
Lawyer says:
- I slowed down,
and no one was coming.
Cop says:
- Exactly! License
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 22 Noiembrie 2005
Year 1981 =========
1. Prince
Charles got married
2. Liverpool
crowned Champions of Europe
3. Pope
Died.
Year 2005 =========
1. Prince Charles got married
(again)
2. Liverpool crowned
Champions of Europe (again)
3. Pope
Died.
*** In Future,
if
Charles wants to re-marry
or
Liverpool needs another crown. .... POOR
POPE....!!
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 23 August 2005
Five Jews changed the way you see the
world...
- Moses: The Law is
everything.
- Jesus: Love is
everything.
- Marx: Money is
everything.
- Freud: Sex is
everything.
- Einstein: Everything
is relative.
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 14 Februarie 2005

The Pentagon announced TODAY the
formation of a new 500-man elite
fighting unit called the United States
Redneck Special Forces (USRSF).
These boys will be dropped off in
Iraq and have been given only the
following facts about terrorists:
1.
The season opened today.
2. There is
no limit.
3. They taste just like
chicken.
4. They don't like beer,
pickups, country music or Jesus.
5.
They are
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 13 Martie 2008
Hearing so many people speaking about
his intelligence level, George "double
you" Bush decided to get his brain
checked.
The physician diagnosis was
as follows:
- Mr. President, you
have two brains, the left and the right,
like all normal people. But the problem
is that in your left brain there is
nothing right and in your right brain
there is nothing left.
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 10 Mai 2005
A Czech goes to the optician who shows
him a card with the letters 'C Z W X
N Q S T A C Z'.
"Can you read
this?" the optician asks.
"Read
it?" the Czech replies, "I even know the
guy."
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 31 August 2004
On some air bases, the Air Force is on
one side of the field and civilian
aircraft use the other side of the
field, with the control tower in the
middle. One day the tower received a
call from an aircraft asking, "What time
is it?"
The tower responded, "Who is
calling?"
The aircraft replied,
"What difference does it make?"
The
tower replied, "It makes a lot of
difference. If it is an American
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 10 Iulie 2007
A man walks into a bar and he's really
pissed. The bartender gives him a drink
and asks what the problem is. All he
says is:
- All lawyers are assholes.
A man sitting in the corner shouts:
- I take offense to that!
The
pissed off guy asks him:
- Why? Are
you a lawyer?
The other replies:
- No, I'm an asshole.
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 30 Iunie 2006
Statement: Senior Citizens Are Valuable!
We are more valuable than any of the
younger generations:
- We have
silver in our hair.
- We have gold
in our teeth.
- We have stones in
our kidneys.
- We have lead in our
feet and.
- We are loaded with
natural gas
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 26 Februarie 2008