Thirty lines to make you smile. 1.. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I...
propus de: Aserere pe data: 15 Feb 2006
Thirty lines to make you smile. The Liverpool manager flies to Baghdad to watch a young iraqi play football and is suitably impressed and arranges him to come over to Anfield. Two weeks later Liverpool are 4-0 down to Man [...]
1.. My husband and I divorced over
religious differences. He thought he was
God and I didn't.
2.. I don't suffer
from insanity; I enjoy every minute of
3.. I Work Hard Because Millions
On Welfare Depend on Me!
people are alive only because it's
illegal to kill them.
5.. I used to
have a handle on life, but it broke.
6.. Don't take life too seriously;
No one gets out alive.
just jealous because the voices only
talk to me
8.. Beauty is in the eye
of the beer holder.
9.. Earth is the
insane asylum for the universe.
I'm not a complete looser -- Some parts
11.. Out of my mind.
Back in five minutes.
the stuffy, sneezy,
13.. God must love stupid
people; He made so many.
gene pool could use a little chlorine.
15.. Consciousness: That annoying
time between naps.
16.. Ever stop to
think, and forget to start again?
17. Being "over the hill" is much
better than being under it!
Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I
Wanted to Be When I grew up.
20.. I Have a
Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want
Fries With That?
21.. A hangover is
the wrath of grapes.
22.. A journey
of a thousand miles begins with a cash
23.. Stupidity is not a
handicap. Park elsewhere!
call it PMS because MadCow Disease was
25..He who dies with
the most toys is nonetheless dead.
26..A picture is worth a thousand
words, but it uses up three thousand
times the memory.
27..Ham and eggs.
A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime
commitment for a pig.
trouble with life is there's no
29.. The original
point and click interface was a Smith
30.. I smile because I
don't know what the hell is going on.
banc precedent Headlines from the year 2029: Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia, formerly known as California. White minorities [...]
A woman in our diet club was lamenting
that she had gained weight. She'd made
her family's favorite cake over the
weekend, she reported, and they'd eaten
half of it at dinner.
day, she said, she kept staring at the
other half, until finally she cut a thin
slice for herself. One slice led to
another, and soon the whole cake was
The woman went on to tell
us how upset she was ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 2 Octombrie 2006
Queen Elizabeth II, George W Bush &
Traian Basescu died & went straight to
Queen Elizabeth II said
"I miss Britain, I want to call Britain
and see how everybody is doing there.
She called and talked for about 5
minutes, then her Majesty asked "Well,
Devil how much do I owe you? The devil
replied "Five million dollars" She wrote
him a cheque and went to sit back on her
George ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 27 Octombrie 2006
A husband and his wife had a bitter
quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding
The husband yells,
"When you die, I'm getting you a
headstone that reads: 'Here Lies My
Wife - Cold As Ever'."
she replies, "When you die, I'm
getting you a headstone that reads:
'Here Lies My Husband - Stiff At
Last.'" ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 9 Iunie 2005
Women are like apples on trees. The best
ones are at the top of the tree. Most
men don't want to reach for the good
ones because they are afraid of falling
and getting hurt. Instead, they just
take the rotten apples from the ground
that aren't as good, but easy.......
The apples at the top think something is
wrong with them, when in reality,
they're amazing. They just have to
wait for ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 5 Mai 2005
Gravitation is not responsible for
people falling in love.
think of the future. It comes soon
The only thing that
interferes with my learning is my
Education is what remains
after one has forgotten everything he
learned in school.
Two things are
infinite: the universe and human
stupidity; and I'm not sure about
Wire telegraph is a
kind of a very, ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 12 Aprilie 2005
Phrases For Your "Out-Of-The-Office"
- I am
currently out at a job interview and
will reply to you if I fail to get the
position. Be prepared for my mood.
- I'm not really out of the
office. I'm just ignoring you.
- You are receiving this automatic
notification because I am out of the
office. If I was in, chances are you
wouldn't have received anything at ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 18 Octombrie 2004
Once upon a time there were two
One brother was very
mischievous, always getting into
The other brother,
however, was very good. He was always
kind to animals, helped elderly
neighbors, and led an exemplary life.
As time went on, the brothers
stayed in touch but were never close.
The evil brother became a heavy
drinker and a womanizer.
other brother was a ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 6 Aprilie 2006
Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is your
Caller: I heard what
sounded like gunshots coming from the
brown house on the corner.
Dispatcher: Do you have an address?
Caller: No, I have on a blouse and
slacks, why? ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 12 Aprilie 2007
There are 2 people always next to you:
The Manager, smiling pleasantly to
hide evil intentions!
Leader, busy figuring out what work to
dump on you next...
YOU, who struggles with it all! ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Duminica, 22 Iunie 2008
See if you can do this. Read each line
This is this cat
This is is cat
This is how cat
This is to cat
This is keep cat
This is a cat
This is dumbass
This is busy cat
This is for
This is forty cat
Now go back and
read the THIRD word
in each line
from the top.
Betcha you can't
resist passing it on. LOL! ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 21 Noiembrie 2011
Before I lay me down
I pray for a man,
who's not a creep,
handsome, smart and strong
loves to listen long,
One who thinks
before he speaks,
call, not wait for weeks.
he's gainfully employed,
spend his cash, won't be annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my
Massages me back and begs to
do ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 23 August 2005
A soldier stationed in Iraq recently
received a "Dear John" letter from his
girlfriend back home. It read as
no longer continue our relationship. The
distance between us is just too great. I
must admit that I have cheated on you
twice, since you've been gone, and
it's not fair to either of us.
Please return the
picture of me that I sent to ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 10 Iunie 2005
Manning the computer help desk for the
local school district was my first job.
And though I was just an intern, I took
the job very seriously. But not every
caller took me seriously.
- Can I
talk to a real person? a caller asked.
- I am real, I said.
- Oh, I'm
sorry, the caller said. That was rude of
me. What I meant to say was, could I
talk to someone who actually knows
something? ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 14 Martie 2008
All eyes were on the radiant bride as
her father escorted her down the aisle.
They reached the altar and the waiting
groom; the bride kissed her father and
placed something in his hand. The guests
in the front pews, and the minister,
responded with ripples of laughter. As
her father gave her away in marriage,
the bride had given him back his credit
card. ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 28 Noiembrie 2006
- Pythagorean theorem: 24 words.
The Lord's Prayer: 66 words.
Archimedes' Principle: 67 words.
The 10 Commandments: 179 words.
The Gettysburg address: 286 words.
The Declaration of Independence: 1,300
- - - The US Government
regulations on the sale of cabbage:
26,911 words!!! - - - ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 10 Aprilie 2007