A statistician, who refused to fly after reading of the alarmingly high probability that there will be a bomb on any given plane,...
propus: 7 Feb 2006
This coming week is National Mental
Health Care week.
You can do
your part by remembering to contact at
least one unstable person to show you
care.
Well, my job is done!
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 18 Ianuarie 2007
3 Little Pigs - The Untold Story
This is classic - a true story,
proving how fascinating is the mind of a
six year old. They think so logically.
A teacher was reading the story
of the Three Little Pigs to her class.
She came to the part of the story where
the first pig was trying to gather the
building materials for his home. She
read, "...and so the pig went up to the
man with the
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 31 August 2004
Donald Rumsfeld is giving the president
Bush his daily briefing. He concludes by
saying:
- Yesterday, 3 Brazilian
soldiers were killed.
- OH NO!, the
president exclaims. That's terrible!
His staff sits stunned at this
display of emotion, nervously watching
as the president sits, head in hands.
Finally, president looks up and
asks:
- How many is a brazillion?
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 11 Octombrie 2005
School: Define The Following Terms
Antibody: Against everyone.
Artery: The study of fine paintings.
Bacteria: Back door to a cafeteria.
Benign: What you've been after
eight.
Cardiology: Advance study of
poker playing.
Cat Scan: Searching
for lost kitty.
Chronic: Neck of a
crow.
Coma: Punctuation mark.
Cyst: Short of sister.
Diagnosis: Person with slanted nose.
Dislocation: In
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 2 Martie 2005
When I went to lunch today, I noticed an
old lady near a park bench sobbing her
eyes out. I stopped and asked her what
was wrong.
She said: "I have a 22
year old husband at home. He makes love
to me every morning and then gets up and
makes me pancakes, sausage, fresh fruit
and freshly ground coffee."
I said:
"Well, then why are you crying?"
She
said: "He makes me homemade soup for
lunch and my
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 24 Februarie 2005
George Bush is visiting the Queen of
England. He asks her, "Your Majesty, how
do you run such an efficient government?
Are there any tips you can give me?"
"Well," says the Queen, "the
most important thing is to surround
yourself with intelligent people.
"Bush frowns. "But how do I know the
people around me are really
intelligent?"
The Queen takes a
sip of tea. "Oh, that's easy. You just
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 14 Iulie 2006
A statistician, who refused to fly after
reading of the alarmingly high
probability that there will be a bomb on
any given plane, realized that the
probability of there being two bombs on
any given flight is very low. Now,
whenever he flies, he carries a bomb
with him.
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 7 Februarie 2006
An engineer dies and reports to Heaven.
St. Peter checks his dossier and says,
"Ah, you're an engineer, you're in the
wrong place."
So the engineer
reports to Hell and is let in. Pretty
soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied
with the level of comfort in Hell, and
starts designing and building
improvements. After a while, they've got
air conditioning and flush toilets and
escalators, and the
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 4 Aprilie 2007
A blonde woman goes into a department
store and tells the salesman she wants a
pair of pink curtains. He assures her
they have a good selection of pink
curtains. He shows her many kinds and
different fabrics of curtains she
finally picks out a pink floral pattern.
The salesman asks, "What size do you
need?"
She says, "15 inch."
He
exclaims, "15 INCHES! What room are they
for?"
She says, "It's
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 24 Noiembrie 2005
A few years ago, I decided to visit my
brother who was stationed in Germany. I
assumed that most Germans would speak
English. But I found that many people
spoke only their native tongue -
including the ticket inspector on the
train.
He punched my ticket, then
chatted cordially for a bit, making
gestures like a windmill. I simply
nodded from time to time to show him
that I was interested.
When
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 20 Octombrie 2006
There is more money being spent on
breast implants and Viagra today than on
Alzheimer's research. This means that by
2040, there should be a large elderly
population with perky boobs and huge
erections and absolutely no recollection
of what to do with them.
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 23 Februarie 2007
A husband, the owner of a new car, was
somewhat reluctant to allow his wife to
drive his prize possession, even to the
grocery store, which was a few blocks
from the house.
After she insisted,
he finally relented, cautioning her as
she departed, "Remember, if you have an
accident, the newspaper will print your
age."
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 25 Septembrie 2008
FEMALE PRAYER
Before I lay me down
to sleep,
I pray for a man,
who's not a creep,
One who's
handsome, smart and strong
One who
loves to listen long,
One who thinks
before he speaks,
One who'll
call, not wait for weeks.
I pray
he's gainfully employed,
When I
spend his cash, won't be annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my
door,
Massages me back and begs to
do
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 23 August 2005
A baby polar bear comes up to his mother
and asks, "Momma, am I a polar bear?"
"Why, yes, son, of course you are a
polar bear," she replies, sending him
out to play.
Several minutes
later, he returns. "Momma, are you
absolutely sure I am a polar bear?"
"Yes, son, absolutely sure. Now go
and play."
Several minutes
later, he returns asking, "Momma, you're
sure I'm 100% polar bear?"
"Yes,
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 13 August 2008