Jack Benny is walking down the street, when a stick-up man pulls out a gun and says: Your money or your life! An extremely long...
propus de: Alofi pe data: 2 Feb 2006
A guy joins a monastery and takes a vow
of silence: he is allowed to say two
words every seven years.
first seven years, the elders bring him
in and ask for his two words. "Cold
floors," he says. They nod and send him
Seven more years pass. They
bring him back in and ask for his two
words. He clears his throats and says,
"Bad food." They nod and send him away.
Seven more years ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 2 Februarie 2006
A dog looks at its owner and thinks:
"You feed me, care for me, and love
me...you must be a god!"
A cat looks
at its owner and thinks: "You feed me,
care for me, and love me...I must be a
god!" ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 17 August 2005
A ragged individual stranded for several
months on a small desert island in the
middle of the Pacific Ocean noticed a
bottle lying in the sand with a piece of
paper in it. Rushing to the bottle, he
pulled out the cork and with shaking
hands withdrew the message.
lack of maintenance," he read, "we
regretfully have found it necessary to
cancel your e-mail account." ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 23 Mai 2007
An engineer dies and reports to Heaven.
St. Peter checks his dossier and says,
"Ah, you're an engineer, you're in the
So the engineer
reports to Hell and is let in. Pretty
soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied
with the level of comfort in Hell, and
starts designing and building
improvements. After a while, they've got
air conditioning and flush toilets and
escalators, and the ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 4 Aprilie 2007
Five Germans in an Audi Quattro arrive
at the Italian border.
Customs Officer stops them and tells
- It's a illegala to put a
cinque people in a Quattro.
- Vot do
you mean it's illegal? asks the German
- Quattro meansa four,
replies the Italian official.
Quattro is just ze name of ze
automobile!, the German says
unbelievingly. Look at ze dam papers: ze
car is ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 26 Ianuarie 2006
Depression in the age of global
outsourcing: I was feeling depressed the
other day, so I called LifeLine. They
had recently outsourced, so I was put
through to their new Call Center in
I explained that I was
feeling suicidal. They were very excited
to hear this and wanted to know if I
could drive a truck or fly an
airplane.... ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 12 Noiembrie 2007
Two women came before wise King Solomon,
dragging between them a young man in a
"This young lawyer
agreed to marry my daughter," said one.
"No! He agreed to marry MY
daughter," said the other.
they haggled before the king until he
called for silence.
"Bring me my
biggest sword," said Solomon, "and I
shall hew the young attorney in half.
Each of you shall receive a ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 17 Octombrie 2006
A husband, the owner of a new car, was
somewhat reluctant to allow his wife to
drive his prize possession, even to the
grocery store, which was a few blocks
from the house.
After she insisted,
he finally relented, cautioning her as
she departed, "Remember, if you have an
accident, the newspaper will print your
age." ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 25 Septembrie 2008
A man drinks a shot of whisky every
night before bed. After years of this,
his wife wants him to quit; she gets two
shot glasses, filling one with water and
the other with whisky.
him to the table that has the glasses,
she brings his bait box. She says, "I
want you to see this." She puts a worm
in the water, and it swims around.
She puts a worm in the whisky, and
the worm dies ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 8 Decembrie 2006
I am passing this on to you because it
definitely worked for me and we all
could use more calm in our lives. By
following the simple advice I heard on a
Dr. Phil show, I have finally found
inner peace. Dr. Phil proclaimed, "The
way to achieve inner peace is to finish
all the things you've started." So I
looked around my house to see all the
things I started and hadn't
finished, and before ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 30 Mai 2005
There were these three nuns that were
killed in a traffic accident, and
immediately sent to the Pearly Gates.
As St. Peter was looking over their
files, he said, "You ladies have been
very good, but before I can let you in,
you have to answer a question." So he
asks the first nun,
- "What was the
name of the first man that God created?"
- "Adam," she replied. The lights
started flashing, ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 5 Iunie 2006
Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What's the nature of
Caller: My wife is
pregnant and her contractions are only
two minutes apart!
this her first child?
is her husband! ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 12 Aprilie 2007