Three kids come down to the kitchen and sit around the breakfast table. The mother asks the oldest boy what he would like to...
propus de: Olly pe data: 2 Feb 2006
TEACHER: George Washington not only
chopped down his father's cherry tree,
but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you
know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe
in his hand.
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 1 Mai 2009
Man: God?
God: Yes!?
Man: Can I ask you something?
God: Yes.
Man: What is for you a million of years?
God: A second.
Man: And a million of dollars?
God: A penny.
Man: God, Can you give me a penny?
God: Wait a second!
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 27 Octombrie 2005
In a class on abnormal psychology, the
instructor was about to introduce the
subject of manic depression.
The instructor asked, "How would you
diagnose a patient who walks back and
forth, screaming at the top of his lungs
one minute, then sits in a chair weeping
uncontrollably the next?"
A young man in the rear raised his hand
and suggested earnestly, "A basketball
coach?"
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 4 Decembrie 2006
Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is the nature of
your emergency?
Caller: I'm trying to reach nine eleven
but my phone doesn't have an eleven on
it.
Dispatcher: This is nine eleven.
Caller: I though you just said it was
nine-one-one.
Dispatcher: Yes, ma'am nine-one-one and
nine-eleven are the same thing.
Caller: Honey, I may be old, but I'm not
stupid.
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 12 Aprilie 2007
A young husband comes home one night,
and his wife throws her arms around his
neck: "Darling, I have great news:
I'm a month overdue. I think
we're going to have a baby! The
doctor gave me a test today, but until
we find out for sure, we can't tell
anybody."
The next day, a guy from the electric
company rings the door-bell, because the
young couple hasn't paid their last
bill:
... citește tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marți, 31 August 2004
The man told his doctor that he wasn't
able to do all the things around the
house that he used to do. When the
examination was complete, he said:
- Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell me in
plain English what is wrong with me.
- Well, in plain English, the doctor
replied, you're just lazy.
- Okay, said the man. Now give me the
medical term so I can tell my wife.
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 2 Iunie 2011
One day Jake, a nine-year-old, asked to
pack his own lunch for school. His mom
agreed. But they couldn't agree on what
he should pack, so they both made lists.
This was the mom's list:
One sandwich
One apple
Pretzels
A carton of milk
This was Jake's list:
Candy
Candy
Candy
Jake agreed to compromise. Sure enough,
the next morning, Jake was ready for
school and he packed his lunch. His mom
came
... citește tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 12 Ianuarie 2007
An engineer was crossing a road one-day
when a frog called out to him and said:
- If you kiss me, I'll turn into a
beautiful princess.
He bent over, picked up the frog and put
it in his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said:
- If you kiss me and turn me back into a
beautiful princess, I will stay with you
for one week.
The engineer took the frog out of his
pocket, smiled at it and returned
... citește tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 31 Martie 2005
A linguistics professor was lecturing
his class one day.
- In English, he said, a double negative
forms a positive. In some languages,
though, such as Romanian, a double
negative is still a negative. However,
there is no language wherein a double
positive can form a negative.
A loud voice from the back of the room
piped up:
- Yeah, right.
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 8 Iunie 2011
Positive Thinking Poem...
Little birdy in the sky,
You look up and it shits in your eye
You don't mind and you don't cry,
You just thank God that cows don't
fly...
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 10 Martie 2006
A guy joins a monastery and takes a vow
of silence: he is allowed to say two
words every seven years.
After the first seven years, the elders
bring him in and ask for his two words.
"Cold floors," he says. They nod and
send him away.
Seven more years pass. They bring him
back in and ask for his two words. He
clears his throats and says, "Bad food."
They nod and send him away.
Seven more years
... citește tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 2 Februarie 2006
Woman's revenge...
- Cash, check or charge? I asked, after
folding items the woman wished to
purchase.
As she fumbled for her wallet, I noticed
a remote control for a television set in
her purse.
- So, do you always carry your TV
remote? I asked.
- No, she replied, but my husband
refused to come shopping with me, and I
figured this was the most evil thing I
could do to him legally.
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 7 Mai 2010