Five Germans in an Audi Quattro arrive at the Italian border. The Italian Customs Officer stops them and tells them: - It's a...
propus de: Asignix pe data: 26 Ian 2006
Mr. Gable had a leak in the roof over
his dining room, so he called a
repairman to take a look at it. "When
did you first notice the leak?" the
repairman inquired.
Mr. Gable
scowled. "Last night, when it took me
two hours to finish my soup!"
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 12 Octombrie 2006
"I just don't understand it", an Irish
footballer complained... "One match I
play very well, and then the next match
I'm terrible".
"Well", said his
wife, "why don't you just play every
other match?"
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 30 Aprilie 2008
Unexpected cold snaps had destroyed the
buds on my father's young peach tree for
two years in a row. This spring, Dad was
ready. He replanted the sapling in a
large box, mounted it on wheels, and put
the tree in the garage whenever the
temperature dropped.
One warm April
day, Dad was wheeling the tree out into
the yard, and he stopped to give our dog
a drink from the garden hose. A neighbor
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 14 Iunie 2007
A man is walking along a cliff and all
of a sudden loses his balance, slips,
and falls off. Fortunately, he has the
presence of mind to grab on to the edge,
and he's hanging there for dear life. He
hangs and hangs an finally yells out:
"Is there anybody up there who can help
me?"
There's no answer.
He keeps
calling and calling. "Is there anybody
up there who can help me?".
Finally
this big
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 20 August 2007
Gravitation is not responsible for
people falling in love.
I never
think of the future. It comes soon
enough.
The only thing that
interferes with my learning is my
education.
Education is what remains
after one has forgotten everything he
learned in school.
Two things are
infinite: the universe and human
stupidity; and I'm not sure about
the universe.
Wire telegraph is a
kind of a very,
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 12 Aprilie 2005
A psychiatrist was conducting a group
therapy session with four young mothers
and their small children...
- You
all have obsessions, he observed.
To
the first mother, Mary, he said:
-
You are obsessed with eating. You've
even named your daughter Candy.
He
turned to the second Mom, Ann:
-
Your obsession is money. Again, it
manifests itself in your child's name,
Penny.
He turns to the third
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 17 Ianuarie 2007
A young man married a beautiful woman
who had previously divorced ten
husbands. She told her new husband,
"Please be gentle with me, as for me
it's the first time."
"What?" said
the puzzled groom. "How can that be if
you've been married ten times?"
"Well, husband #1 was a Sales
Representative; he kept telling me how
great it was going to be."
"Husband
#2 was in Software Services; he was
never
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 2 August 2006
I've sure gotten old. I've had two
bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, and
new knees. Fought prostate cancer and
diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear
anything quieter than a jet engine, and
take 40 different medications that make
me dizzy, winded, and subject to
blackouts. Have bouts with dementia.
Have poor circulation; hardly feel my
hands and feet anymore. Can't remember
if I'm 85 or 92. Have
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 11 Decembrie 2006
European Commission has just announced
an agreement whereby English will be the
official language of the European Union
rather than German, which was the other
possibility.
As part of the
negotiations, the British Government
conceded that English spelling had some
room for improvement and has accepted a
5- year phase-in plan that would become
known as "Euro-English".
In the
first year, "s" will
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 5 Aprilie 2006
Satan greets Bill Gates:
- Welcome
Mr. Gates, we've been waiting for
you. This will be your home for all
eternity. You've been selfish,
greedy and a big liar all your life.
Now, since you've got me in a good
mood, I'll be generous and give you
a choice of three places in which
you'll be locked up forever.
Satan takes Bill to a huge lake of
fire in which millions of poor
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 31 Martie 2005
Woman's revenge...
- Cash, check or
charge? I asked, after folding items the
woman wished to purchase.
As she
fumbled for her wallet, I noticed a
remote control for a television set in
her purse.
- So, do you always carry
your TV remote? I asked.
- No, she
replied, but my husband refused to come
shopping with me, and I figured this was
the most evil thing I could do to him
legally.
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 7 Mai 2010
- Pythagorean theorem: 24 words.
-
The Lord's Prayer: 66 words.
-
Archimedes' Principle: 67 words.
-
The 10 Commandments: 179 words.
-
The Gettysburg address: 286 words.
-
The Declaration of Independence: 1,300
words.
- - - The US Government
regulations on the sale of cabbage:
26,911 words!!! - - -
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 10 Aprilie 2007
Accidents Happen
A man happens
upon a friend and sees that his friend's
car is wrecked and covered with leaves,
grass, branches, dirt, and blood. He
asks his friend, "What happened to your
car?"
"Well," the friend
responses, "I ran into a lawyer."
"OK," says the man, "that explains
the blood... But what about the leaves,
the grass, the branches, and the dirt?"
"Well, I had to chase
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 26 Septembrie 2006
21st CENTURY LIFELESSNESS...
Our communication - Wireless
Our
telephone - Cordless
Our cooking -
Fireless
Our youth - Jobless
Our
religion - Creedless
Our food -
Fatless
Our faith - Godless
Our
labor - Effortless
Our conduct -
Worthless
Our relation - Loveless
Our attitude - Careless
Our
feelings - Heartless
Our politics -
Shameless
Our education - Valueless
Our Follies -
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 20 Iulie 2005