Five Germans in an Audi Quattro arrive at the Italian border. The Italian Customs Officer stops them and tells them: - It's a...
propus de: Asignix pe data: 26 Ian 2006
Worst Things To Say On A First Date:
- I used to have a real bad
bedwetting problem... but the last
couple of weeks I've gotten it under
- I know we just met and
this might seem a little sudden. .. but
could I borrow five hundred dollars?
- Go ahead and Super Size - I found
spare change in the sofa today.
Something tells me that you're very
special... but with medication I can ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 14 Februarie 2007
Manning the computer help desk for the
local school district was my first job.
And though I was just an intern, I took
the job very seriously. But not every
caller took me seriously.
- Can I
talk to a real person? a caller asked.
- I am real, I said.
- Oh, I'm
sorry, the caller said. That was rude of
me. What I meant to say was, could I
talk to someone who actually knows
something? ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 14 Martie 2008
A guy dies and is sent to Hell. Satan
meets him, shows him doors to three
rooms, and says he must choose one spend
In the first room,
people are standing in shit up to their
necks. The guy says "no, let me see the
In the second room,
people are standing with shit up to
their noses. Guy says no again.
Finally, Satan opens the door to the
third room. People are standing ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 2 Februarie 2006
News from Apple
announced today that is has developed a
computer chip that can store and play
music in women's breast implants.
The iBoob will cost between $499 and
This is considered to be
a major breakthrough, because women are
always complaining about men staring at
their breasts and not listening to them.
Thank to Apple, everyone is now
happy. ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 28 Noiembrie 2007
The Pope is visiting Washington, D.C.,
and President Bush takes him out for an
afternoon on the Potomac, cruising on
the Presidential yacht, the Sequoia.
They're admiring the sights when, all of
a sudden, the Pope's hat (zucchetto)
blows off his head and out into the
Secret Service guys start to
launch a boat, but President Bush waves
them off, saying, "Wait, wait. I'll take
care of this. ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 28 Iulie 2006
- Cash, check or
charge? I asked, after folding items the
woman wished to purchase.
fumbled for her wallet, I noticed a
remote control for a television set in
- So, do you always carry
your TV remote? I asked.
- No, she
replied, but my husband refused to come
shopping with me, and I figured this was
the most evil thing I could do to him
legally. ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 7 Mai 2010
Women are like apples on trees. The best
ones are at the top of the tree. Most
men don't want to reach for the good
ones because they are afraid of falling
and getting hurt. Instead, they just
take the rotten apples from the ground
that aren't as good, but easy.......
The apples at the top think something is
wrong with them, when in reality,
they're amazing. They just have to
wait for ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 5 Mai 2005
Thoughts from USA...
When NASA first started
sending up astronauts, they quickly
discovered that ball-point pens would
not work in zero gravity. To combat this
problem, NASA scientists spent a decade
and $12 billion developing a pen that
writes in zero gravity, upside-down, on
almost any surface including glass and
at temperatures ranging from below
freezing to over 300 ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 10 Martie 2006
Young Chuck moved to Texas and bought a
Donkey from a farmer for $100. The
farmer agreed to deliver the Donkey the
The next day he drove
up and said, 'Sorry son, but I have some
bad News, the donkey died.' Chuck
replied, 'Well, then just give me my
money back.' The farmer said, 'Can't
do that. I went and spent it already.'
Chuck said, 'Ok, then, just
bring me the dead ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 14 Octombrie 2008
On the first day of school, the teacher
asked a student:
- What are your
The student replied:
- My father's name is Laughing and
my mother's name is Smiling.
- Are you kidding?
The student said:
- No, Kidding
is my brother. I am Joking. ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 19 Martie 2015
Our pastor, an avid golfer, was once
taking part in a local tournament. As he
was preparing to tee off, the organizer
of the tournament approached him and
pointed to the dark, threatening storm
clouds that were gathering.
"Preacher," the organizer said, "I
trust you'll see to it that the weather
won't turn bad on us."
shook his head. "Sorry," he replied.
"I'm sales, not management!" ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 29 Octombrie 2008
Jack, who is a smart businessman, talks
to his son
Jack: I want you to
marry a girl of my choice
will choose my own bride!"
"But the girl is Bill Gates's
Son: "Well, in that
Next Jack approaches
Jack: "I have a husband
for your daughter."
"But my daughter is too young to marry!"
Jack: "But this young man is a ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 29 Septembrie 2005
Positive Thinking Poem...
Little birdy in the sky,
look up and it shits in your eye
You don't mind and you don't cry,
You just thank God that cows don't
fly... ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 10 Martie 2006