Heaven is where the police are British, the chefs Italian, the mechanics German, the lovers French and it is all organized by the...
propus: 29 Nov 2005
Headlines from the year 2029:
Ozone created by electric cars now
killing millions in the seventh largest
country in the world, Mexifornia,
formerly known as California. White
minorities still trying to have English
recognized as Mexifornia's third
language.
Spotted Owl plague
threatens northwestern United States
crops and livestock.
Baby
conceived naturally. Scientists stumped.
Couple
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 2 Martie 2006
One night while I was cat-sitting my
daughter's indoor feline, it escaped
outside. When it failed to return the
following morning, I found the beast
clinging to a branch about 30 feet up in
a spindly tree. Unable to lure it down,
I called the fire department.
"We
don't do that anymore," the woman
dispatcher said. When I persisted, she
was polite but firm. "The cat will come
down when it gets
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 30 Ianuarie 2007
A US Navy Admiral was attending a naval
conference that included 20 Admirals
from the US, English, Canadian,
Australian and French Navies.
At a
reception, he found himself standing
with a huge group of officers that
included personnel from most of the
countries.
Everyone was chatting
away in English as they sipped their
drinks, but a French admiral suddenly
complained that, whereas Europeans
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 4 Iulie 2007
First-year students at Texas A&M's Vet
School were receiving theirfirst anatomy
class, with a real dead cow. They all
gathered around the surgery table with
the body covered with a white sheet. The
professor started the class by telling
them:
- In vet medicine it is
necessary to have two important
qualities as a doctor: the first is that
you not be disgusted by anything
involving the animal
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 2 Mai 2007
On a flight to Chicago, a gentleman had
made several attempts to get into the
men's restroom, but it had always
been occupied. The flight attendant
noticed his predicament. "Sir, she said,
"You may use the ladies room if you
promise not to touch any of the buttons
on the wall."
He did what he
needed to, and as he sat there he
noticed the Buttons he had promised not
to touch. Each button
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 15 Septembrie 2004
Basic philosophy in BIG 4:
- Ernst &
Young = Dead & Young
-
PriceWaterhouseCoopers = Prices are
everything, no water, no house, cope
with us, cause we don’t care!!!
-
KPMG = Kill People More Gently
-
Deloitte & Touche = Delighted to kill
our employees. Touchė!!!
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 27 Aprilie 2007
Two engineering students were walking
across campus when one said:
- Where
did you get such a great bike?
The
second engineer replied:
- Well, I
was walking along yesterday minding my
own business when a beautiful woman rode
up on this bike. She threw the bike to
the ground, took off all her clothes and
said, "Take what you want."
The
second engineer nodded approvingly:
- Good choice; the
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 31 Martie 2005
A linguistics professor was lecturing
his class one day.
- In English, he
said, a double negative forms a
positive. In some languages, though,
such as Romanian, a double negative is
still a negative. However, there is no
language wherein a double positive can
form a negative.
A loud voice from
the back of the room piped up:
-
Yeah, right.
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 8 Iunie 2011
- 25th Wedding Anniversary -
At the
banquet of Tom and Susan's 25th wedding
anniversary, Tom was asked to give his
friends a brief account of the benefits
of a marriage of such long duration.
- Tell us, Tom, just what is it you
have learned from all those wonderful
years with your wife?
Tom responded:
- Well, I've learned that marriage
is the best teacher of all. It teaches
you loyalty,
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 21 Iunie 2007
This coming week is National Mental
Health Care week.
You can do
your part by remembering to contact at
least one unstable person to show you
care.
Well, my job is done!
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 18 Ianuarie 2007
These individual quotes were reportedly
taken from actual employee performance
evaluations throughout the U.S.
Hopefully, none of us will be seeing
similar ones on ours.
- Since my
last report, this employee has reached
rock bottom and has started to dig.
- His men would follow him anywhere,
but only out of curiosity.
- I would
not allow this employee to breed.
-
This employee is really not
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 22 Septembrie 2006
Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is your
emergency?
Caller: I heard what
sounded like gunshots coming from the
brown house on the corner.
Dispatcher: Do you have an address?
Caller: No, I have on a blouse and
slacks, why?
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 12 Aprilie 2007
A truck driver had to deliver five
hundred penguins to the state zoo. As he
was driving his truck through the
desert, the truck broke down.
After waiting by the side of the
road for about three hours, he waved
another truck down and offered the
driver $500 to take the penguins to the
state zoo for him.
The next
day, the first truck driver arrived in
town and saw the second truck driver
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 3 Decembrie 2007