A young husband comes home one night, and his wife throws her arms around his neck: Darling, I have great news: I'm a month...
propus: 31 Aug 2004
A young husband comes home one night,
and his wife throws her arms around his
neck: "Darling, I have great news: I'm a
month overdue. I think we're going to
have a baby! The doctor gave me a test
today, but until we find out for sure,
we can't tell anybody."
The
next day, a guy from the electric
company rings the door-bell, because the
young couple hasn't paid their last
bill:
"Are you Mrs. Smith?
You're a month overdue, you know!"
"How do YOU know?" stammers the
young woman.
"Well, ma'am, it's
in our files!" says the man from the
electric company.
"What are you
saying? It's in your files?????"
"Absolutely."
"Well, let me
talk to my husband about this tonight."
That night, she tells her
husband about the visit, and he, mad as
a bull, rushes to the electric company
offices the first thing the next
morning.
"What's going on here?
You have it on file that my wife is a
month overdue? What business is that of
yours?" the husband shouts.
"Just calm down," says the clerk,
"it's nothing serious. All you have to
do is pay us."
"PAY you? and if
I refuse?"
"Well, in that case,
sir, we'd have no option but to cut
yours off."
"And what would my
wife do then?" the husband asks.
"I don't know. I guess she'd have to
use a candle."
An American tourist in London found himself needing to take a leak, something terrible. After a long search he just couldn't find any public bathroom to relieve himself. So he went down one of the [...]
banc precedent Bill and Diane were in a terrible accident and Diane's face was severely burned. The doctor told Bill that they couldn't graft any skin from her body because she was too skinny. [...]
banc urmator
A US Navy Admiral was attending a naval
conference that included 20 Admirals
from the US, English, Canadian,
Australian and French Navies.
At a
reception, he found himself standing
with a huge group of officers that
included personnel from most of the
countries.
Everyone was chatting
away in English as they sipped their
drinks, but a French admiral suddenly
complained that, whereas Europeans
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 4 Iulie 2007
- Pythagorean theorem: 24 words.
-
The Lord's Prayer: 66 words.
-
Archimedes' Principle: 67 words.
-
The 10 Commandments: 179 words.
-
The Gettysburg address: 286 words.
-
The Declaration of Independence: 1,300
words.
- - - The US Government
regulations on the sale of cabbage:
26,911 words!!! - - -
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 10 Aprilie 2007
Hung Chow calls work and says:
-
Hey, boss I no come work today, I really
sick. I got headache, stomach ache and
my legs hurt, I no come work.
The
boss says:
- You know Hung Chow, I
really need you today. When I feel like
that I go to my wife and tell her to
sing for me. That makes everything
better and I go work. You try that.
Two hours later Hung Chow calls
again:
- Boss, I do what you say
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 16 Martie 2005
Basic philosophy in BIG 4:
- Ernst &
Young = Dead & Young
-
PriceWaterhouseCoopers = Prices are
everything, no water, no house, cope
with us, cause we don’t care!!!
-
KPMG = Kill People More Gently
-
Deloitte & Touche = Delighted to kill
our employees. Touchė!!!
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 27 Aprilie 2007
When you have an "I hate My Job" day,
try this:
On your way home from
work, stop at your pharmacy and go to
the thermometer section and purchase a
rectal thermometer made by Johnson &
Johnson. Be very sure you get this
brand. When you get home, lock your
doors, draw the curtains and disconnect
the phone so you will not be disturbed.
Change into very comfortable clothing
and sit in your
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 12 Septembrie 2006
An elderly gentleman had serious hearing
problems for a number of years. He went
to the doctor and the doctor was able to
have him fitted for a set of hearing
aids that allowed the gentleman to hear
100%.
The elderly gentleman
went back in a month to the doctor and
the doctor said:
- Your hearing is
perfect. Your family must be really
pleased that you can hear again.
To which the gentleman
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 19 Noiembrie 2013
Barbara Walters of 20/20 did a story on
gender roles in Kabul, Afghanistan
several years before the Afghan
conflict. She noted that women
customarily walked about 5 paces
behind their husbands. She returned to
Kabul recently and observed that women
still walk behind their husbands, but
now seem to walk even further back and
are happy with the old custom.
Ms.
Walters approached one of
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 8 Septembrie 2004
I'm sorry that you haven't
gotten much email from me lately.
It's because I'm tired. For a
couple years I've been blaming it on
iron poor blood, lack of vitamins,
dieting and a dozen other maladies. But
now I found out the real reason. I'm
tired because I'm overworked.
The population of this country is
237 million. 104 million are retired.
That leaves 133 million to
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 18 Octombrie 2004
A dog walks into an employment agency
and says:
- I'd like to get a job
please.
The guy at the employment
agency says:
- Wow, you could easily
get a job at the circus, with your
talents!
The dog replys:
- What
would the circus want with a plumber?
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 19 Noiembrie 2013
"Davey, what sound does a cow make?"
Davey replied, "It goes 'moo.'"
"Alice, what sound does a cat make?"
Alice said, "It goes 'meow.'"
"Jamie, what sound does a lamb
make?"
Jamie said, "It goes 'baaa.'"
"Jennifer, what sound does a
mouse make?"
Jennifer paused, and
said, "Uhh. .. it goes. .. 'click!'"
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 14 August 2007
A husband, the owner of a new car, was
somewhat reluctant to allow his wife to
drive his prize possession, even to the
grocery store, which was a few blocks
from the house.
After she insisted,
he finally relented, cautioning her as
she departed, "Remember, if you have an
accident, the newspaper will print your
age."
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 25 Septembrie 2008
The Liverpool manager flies to Baghdad
to watch a young iraqi play football and
is suitably impressed and arranges him
to come over to Anfield.
Two
weeks later Liverpool are 4-0 down to
Man Utd with only 20 minutes left. The
manager gives the young Iraqi striker
the nod and on he goes.
The lad
is a sensation, scores 5 in 20 minutes
and wins the game for Liverpool.
The fans are delighted,
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 13 Februarie 2006
I went to the cinema the other day and
in the front row was an old man and with
him was his dog. It was a sad funny kind
of film, you know the type. In the sad
part, the dog cried his eyes out, and in
the funny part, the dog laughed its head
off. This happened all the way through
the film. After the film had ended, I
decided to go and speak to the man:
- That's the most amazing thing I've
seen,
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 14 Noiembrie 2011
See if you can do this. Read each line
aloud.
This is this cat
This is is cat
This is how cat
This is to cat
This is keep cat
This is a cat
This is dumbass
cat
This is busy cat
This is for
cat
This is forty cat
This is
seconds cat
Now go back and
read the THIRD word
in each line
from the top.
Betcha you can't
resist passing it on. LOL!
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 21 Noiembrie 2011
A school teacher sends this note to all
parents on the first day of school: "If
you promise not to believe everything
your child says happens at school, I'll
promise not to believe everything he
says happens at home."
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Duminica, 27 Ianuarie 2008