A young husband comes home one night, and his wife throws her arms around his neck: Darling, I have great news: I'm a month...
propus: 31 Aug 2004
A young husband comes home one night,
and his wife throws her arms around his
neck: "Darling, I have great news: I'm a
month overdue. I think we're going to
have a baby! The doctor gave me a test
today, but until we find out for sure,
we can't tell anybody."
The
next day, a guy from the electric
company rings the door-bell, because the
young couple hasn't paid their last
bill:
"Are you Mrs. Smith?
You're a month overdue, you know!"
"How do YOU know?" stammers the
young woman.
"Well, ma'am, it's
in our files!" says the man from the
electric company.
"What are you
saying? It's in your files?????"
"Absolutely."
"Well, let me
talk to my husband about this tonight."
That night, she tells her
husband about the visit, and he, mad as
a bull, rushes to the electric company
offices the first thing the next
morning.
"What's going on here?
You have it on file that my wife is a
month overdue? What business is that of
yours?" the husband shouts.
"Just calm down," says the clerk,
"it's nothing serious. All you have to
do is pay us."
"PAY you? and if
I refuse?"
"Well, in that case,
sir, we'd have no option but to cut
yours off."
"And what would my
wife do then?" the husband asks.
"I don't know. I guess she'd have to
use a candle."
FINAL EXAM The student reports for his university final examination that consists of yes/no type questions. He takes his seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five [...]
banc precedent An English professor wrote the words : A woman without her man is nothing on the chalkboard and asked his students to punctuate it correctly. All of the males in the class wrote: [...]
banc următor
I went to the cinema the other day and
in the front row was an old man and with
him was his dog. It was a sad funny kind
of film, you know the type. In the sad
part, the dog cried his eyes out, and in
the funny part, the dog laughed its head
off. This happened all the way through
the film. After the film had ended, I
decided to go and speak to the man:
- That's the most amazing thing I've
seen, I
... citește tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 14 Noiembrie 2011
At a U2 concert in Ireland, Bono (the
lead singer) asks the audience for some
quiet. Then he starts to slowly clap his
hands. Holding the audience in total
silence, he says into the microphone...
"I want you to think about something.
Every time I clap my hands, a child in
Africa dies."
A voice from the front of the audience
yells out...
"Then ****** stop clapping, ya
********!"
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marți, 19 Iunie 2007
A man visited a psychiatrist to talk
about his dreams.
"Every night," the man said, "I dream
that these three hideous monsters are
sitting on the edge of my bed, ready to
attack me."
"Hmmm," said the doctor. "I feel sure I
can cure you of this problem. But the
treatment will cost you somewhere
between twenty-five and thirty thousand
dollars."
"Thirty thousand dollars!" the man
gasped. "Never mind
... citește tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 9 Martie 2007
On the first day of school, the teacher
asked a student:
- What are your parents' names?
The student replied:
- My father's name is Laughing and my
mother's name is Smiling.
The teacher said:
- Are you kidding?
The student said:
- No, Kidding is my brother. I am
Joking.
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 19 Martie 2015
See if you can do this. Read each line
aloud.
This is this cat
This is is cat
This is how cat
This is to cat
This is keep cat
This is a cat
This is genius cat
This is busy cat
This is for cat
This is forty cat
This is seconds cat
Now go back and read the THIRD word
in each line from the top.
Betcha you can't resist passing it on.
LOL!
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 21 Noiembrie 2011
A man walks along a lonely beach.
Suddenly he hears a deep voice: DIG!
He looks around; nobody's there. "I am
having hallucinations," he thinks. Then
he hears the voice again: I SAID, DIG!
So he starts to dig in the sand with his
bare hands, and after a bit, he finds a
small chest with a rusty lock.
The deep voice says: OPEN!
OK, the man thinks, let's open the
thing. He finds a rock with which to
... citește tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 18 Aprilie 2008
European Commission has just announced
an agreement whereby English will be the
official language of the European Union
rather than German, which was the other
possibility.
As part of the negotiations, the British
Government conceded that English
spelling had some room for improvement
and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan
that would become known as
"Euro-English".
In the first year, "s" will
... citește tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 5 Aprilie 2006
Heaven is where the police are British,
the chefs Italian, the mechanics German,
the lovers French and it is all
organized by the Swiss.
Hell is where police are German, the
chefs British, the mechanics French, the
lovers Swiss and it is all organized by
the Italians.
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marți, 29 Noiembrie 2005
When I went to lunch today, I noticed an
old lady near a park bench sobbing her
eyes out. I stopped and asked her what
was wrong.
She said: "I have a 22 year old husband
at home. He makes love to me every
morning and then gets up and makes me
pancakes, sausage, fresh fruit and
freshly ground coffee."
I said: "Well, then why are you crying?"
She said: "He makes me homemade soup for
lunch and my
... citește tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 24 Februarie 2005
A soldier stationed in Iraq recently
received a "Dear John" letter from his
girlfriend back home. It read as
follows:
Dear Ricky,
I can no longer continue our
relationship. The distance between us is
just too great. I must admit that I have
cheated on you twice, since you've
been gone, and it's not fair to
either of us. I'm sorry.
Please return the picture of me that I
sent to
... citește tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 10 Iunie 2005
An English professor wrote the words :
"A woman without her man is nothing"
on the chalkboard and asked his students
to punctuate it correctly.
All of the males in the class wrote:
"A woman, without her man, is nothing."
All the females in the class wrote:
"A woman: without her, man is nothing."
Punctuation is powerful
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marți, 31 August 2004
A man called 911 and said, "Someone come
quick! My wife fell asleep on the couch
with her mouth open and a mouse ran down
her throat!"
The operator replied, "Calm down, sir.
Wave a piece of cheese over her mouth
and maybe the mouse will come out. An
ambulance is on the way."
When the ambulance arrived, the EMT
found the man waving a fish over his
wife's mouth.
"What on earth are you doing?"
... citește tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 13 August 2008