An old mafia Don is dying and he calls his grandson to the bed. - You lissin-a me. I wanna for you to taka my chrome plated 38...
propus: 17 Oct 2005
Five Germans in an Audi Quattro arrive
at the Italian border.
Customs Officer stops them and tells
- It's a illegala to put a
cinque people in a Quattro.
- Vot do
you mean it's illegal? asks the German
- Quattro meansa four,
replies the Italian official.
Quattro is just ze name of ze
automobile!, the German says
unbelievingly. Look at ze dam papers: ze
car is ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 26 Ianuarie 2006
A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were
waiting one morning for a particularly
slow group of golfers. The engineer
- What's with these guys?
We must have been waiting for 15
The doctor chimed in:
I don't know, but I've never
seen such ineptitude!
- Hey, here comes the greens
keeper. Let's have a word with
him.... Hi George! Say, what's ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 31 Martie 2005
On some air bases, the Air Force is on
one side of the field and civilian
aircraft use the other side of the
field, with the control tower in the
middle. One day the tower received a
call from an aircraft asking, "What time
The tower responded, "Who is
The aircraft replied,
"What difference does it make?"
tower replied, "It makes a lot of
difference. If it is an American ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 10 Iulie 2007
These individual quotes were reportedly
taken from actual employee performance
evaluations throughout the U.S.
Hopefully, none of us will be seeing
similar ones on ours.
- Since my
last report, this employee has reached
rock bottom and has started to dig.
- His men would follow him anywhere,
but only out of curiosity.
- I would
not allow this employee to breed.
This employee is really not ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 22 Septembrie 2006
During a taxi, the crew of a US Air
departure flight to Ft. Lauderdale made
a wrong turn and came nose-to-nose with
a United 727. The irate ground
controller (a female) lashed out at the
US Air crew screaming, "US Air 2771,
where are you going? I told you to turn
right on 'Charlie' taxi way; you turned
right on 'Delta.' Stop right there. I
know it's difficult to tell the
difference between a C ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 25 Martie 2008
There is more money being spent on
breast implants and Viagra today than on
Alzheimer's research. This means that by
2040, there should be a large elderly
population with perky boobs and huge
erections and absolutely no recollection
of what to do with them. ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 23 Februarie 2007
"In Italy for thirty years under the
Borgias they had warfare, terror,
murder, bloodshed; they produced
Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci and the
In Switzerland they had
brotherly love, five hundred years of
democracy and peace, and what did they
produce? The cuckoo clock!"
Welles ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 16 Mai 2005
A cowboy went to an insurance agency to
buy a policy. The agent asked, "Have you
ever had an accident?"
replied the cowboy. "Last summer, a
bronc kicked in two of my ribs, and a
couple of years ago, a rattlesnake bit
me on the ankle."
"Wouldn't you call
those accidents?" quizzed the puzzled
"Naw," the cowboy replied.
"They did it on purpose!" ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 15 Noiembrie 2006
You are driving along in your car on a
wild, stormy night. You pass by a bus
stop, and you see three people waiting
for the bus:
1. An old lady who
looks as if she is about to die.
An old friend who once saved your life.
3. The perfect man (or) woman you
have been dreaming about.
would you choose to offer a ride to,
knowing that there could only be one
passenger in your car. ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 16 Mai 2005
Two cows are conversing in a field. The
first one says to the other, "Have you
heard about this 'mad cow disease' that
is going around?"
The second cow
responds, "Yeah, but I'm not worried
about it; I'm an airplane!" ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 23 Iulie 2008
Sally phoned her husband, Bill, at work
for a chat.
"I'm sorry dear," said
Bill, "but I'm up to my neck in work
today. I don't have time to chat."
Sally replied, "But I've got some
good news and some bad news for you,
"OK, darling," said Bill,
"but as I've got no time right now, just
give me the good news."
Sally. "Well, the air bag works!" ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 7 August 2008
1. There's always a lot to be
thankful for if you take time to look
for it. For example, I am sitting here
thinking how nice it is that wrinkles
2. The easiest
way to find something lost around the
house is to buy a replacement.
3. You don't stop laughing
because you grow old. You grow old
because you stop laughing.
penny saved is a government ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 30 Mai 2005
Basic philosophy in BIG 4:
- Ernst &
Young = Dead & Young
PriceWaterhouseCoopers = Prices are
everything, no water, no house, cope
with us, cause we don’t care!!!
KPMG = Kill People More Gently
Deloitte & Touche = Delighted to kill
our employees. Touchė!!! ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 27 Aprilie 2007