An old mafia Don is dying and he calls his grandson to the bed. - You lissin-a me. I wanna for you to taka my chrome plated 38...

Banc din categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)

propus: 17 Oct 2005

An old mafia Don is dying and he calls his grandson to the bed.
- You lissin-a me. I wanna for you to taka my chrome plated 38 revolver so you will always remember me.
- But grandpa, I really don't like guns. Howzabout you leava me your rolex watch instead?
- Shuddup and lissin. Somma day you gonna runna da business, you gonna have a beautifulla wife, lotsa money, a biga home and maybe a coulple a bambinos. Somma day you gonna coma home and maybe find your beautifula wife in bed with another man. Whadda you gonna do then? Pointa to your watch and say:
"Time's up?'"

Donald Rumsfeld is giving the president Bush his daily briefing. He concludes by saying: - Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed. - OH NO!, the president exclaims. That's [...]
banc precedent
There were 3 good arguments that Jesus was Black: 1. He called everyone brother. 2. He liked Gospel. 3. He couldn't get a fair trial. But then there were 3 equally [...]
banc urmator

Manning the computer help desk for the local school district was my first job. And though I was just an intern, I took the job very seriously. But not every caller took me seriously.
- Can I talk to a real person? a caller asked.
- I am real, I said.
- Oh, I'm sorry, the caller said. That was rude of me. What I meant to say was, could I talk to someone who actually knows something? ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 14 Martie 2008


A husband and his wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary.
The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads: 'Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever'."
"Yeah," she replies, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads: 'Here Lies My Husband - Stiff At Last.'" ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 9 Iunie 2005


Lucrare: The Dracula is a person bad. He
came from Transilvania. He is a strigoi,
because the Dracula was reancarnation in
a voievod. He came only at night.Lucrare: The Dracula is a person bad. He came from Transilvania. He is a strigoi, because the Dracula was reancarnation in a voievod. He came only at night. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 19 Decembrie 2006


TEACHER: Clyde, your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
CLYDE: No, sir. It's the same dog. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 26 Noiembrie 2008


Late one night, a man walks into a dentist's surgery and says, "Excuse me, can you help me? I think I'm a moth."
Dentist: "You don't need a dentist. You need a psychiatrist."
Man: "Yes, I know."
Dentist: "So why did you come in here?"
Man: "Well, the light was on." ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 9 Mai 2007


As the holidays approach, my heartfelt appreciation goes out to all of you who have taken the time and trouble to send me forwards over the past 12 months. Thank you for making me feel safe, secure, blessed, and wealthy.

Extra thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat crap in the glue on envelopes 'cause I now have to go get a wet towel every time I need to seal an envelope.
Also, I scrub ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 19 Decembrie 2005


One Sunday morning, everyone in a bright, beautiful, tiny town got up early and went to the local church. Before the services started, the townspeople were sitting in their pews and talking about their lives, their families, etc.

Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church. Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 5 Aprilie 2007


This coming week is National Mental Health Care week.

You can do your part by remembering to contact at least one unstable person to show you care.

Well, my job is done! ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 18 Ianuarie 2007


A few years ago, I decided to visit my brother who was stationed in Germany. I assumed that most Germans would speak English. But I found that many people spoke only their native tongue - including the ticket inspector on the train.
He punched my ticket, then chatted cordially for a bit, making gestures like a windmill. I simply nodded from time to time to show him that I was interested.
When ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 20 Octombrie 2006


A dog looks at its owner and thinks: "You feed me, care for me, and love me...you must be a god!"
A cat looks at its owner and thinks: "You feed me, care for me, and love me...I must be a god!" ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 17 August 2005


Have you heard of the Air Force's ultra-high-security, super-secret base in Nevada, known simply as "Area 51"?

Well, late one afternoon, the Air Force folks out at Area 51 were very surprised to see a Cessna landing at their "secret" base. They immediately impounded the aircraft and hauled the pilot into an interrogation room.

The pilot's story was that he took off from Las Vegas, got lost, ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 10 Decembrie 2007


A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a Cop. Being a typical lawyer, he thinks he is smarter than the Cop so he decides to have some fun at the Cop's expense.
Cop says:
- License and registration, please.
Lawyer says:
- What for?
Cop says:
- You didn't come to a complete stop at the stop sign.
Lawyer says:
- I slowed down, and no one was coming.
Cop says:
- Exactly! License ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 22 Noiembrie 2005


In an airplane the captain tells the passengers:
- This is your captain speaking. We are losing altitude and we do not have enough fuel to reach land. Therefore, we have to let all the baggage leave the airplane.
The airplane gains altitude again. Half an hour later the airplane begins losing altitude again and the captain is on the loudspeakers once more:
- This is your captain speaking. We ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 31 Iulie 2006


21st CENTURY LIFELESSNESS...

Our communication - Wireless
Our telephone - Cordless
Our cooking - Fireless
Our youth - Jobless
Our religion - Creedless
Our food - Fatless
Our faith - Godless
Our labor - Effortless
Our conduct - Worthless
Our relation - Loveless
Our attitude - Careless
Our feelings - Heartless
Our politics - Shameless
Our education - Valueless
Our Follies - ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 20 Iulie 2005


Q: Tarzan and the animals went to the river to take a bath. Tarzan removed his clothes. All the animals laughed. Tarzan asked "Why"?
A: The animals told him. Your tail is in front". ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 5 Februarie 2007