Jack, who is a smart businessman, talks to his son Jack: I want you to marry a girl of my choice Son: I will choose my own...

Banc din categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)

propus: 29 Sep 2005

Jack, who is a smart businessman, talks to his son
Jack: I want you to marry a girl of my choice
Son: "I will choose my own bride!"
Jack: "But the girl is Bill Gates's daughter."
Son: "Well, in that case..."

Next Jack approaches Bill Gates.
Jack: "I have a husband for your daughter."
Bill Gates: "But my daughter is too young to marry!"
Jack: "But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank."
Bill Gates: "Ah, in that case..."

Finally Jack goes to see the president of the World Bank.
Jack: "I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president."
President: "But I already have more vice- presidents than I need!"
Jack: "But this young man is Bill Gates's son-in-law."
President: "Ah, in that case..."

This is how business is done!!

Sweetheart: I can't send my salary this month, so I am sending 100 kisses. You are my sweetheart. Your husband, Allen ... His wife replied back after some days to [...]
banc precedent
Subject on a math test... Solve the problem: find x on the triangle. Answer: see for yourself!!
banc urmator

Success is just like being pregnant.
Everybody congratulates you but nobody knows how many times you tried! ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 24 Iulie 2009


A crew of highway maintenance workers was sent to repair some road signs that vandals had knocked down in a forested area. The first one they put back up was a symbol warning of a deer crossing.
As they moved down the road to repair the next sign, one crew member looked back and spotted a deer running across the highway.
She turned to a co-worker and said, "I wonder how long he's been waiting ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 11 Iunie 2007


I am rejecting your rejection

Dear Sir / Madam
Thank you for your letter of 4 September 2003. After careful consideration I regret to inform you that I am unable to accept your refusal to offer me employment with your company. This year I have been particularly fortunate in receiving an unusually large number of rejection letters. With such a varied and promising field of candidates it is ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 8 Martie 2005


When you have an "I hate My Job" day, try this:

On your way home from work, stop at your pharmacy and go to the thermometer section and purchase a rectal thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson. Be very sure you get this brand. When you get home, lock your doors, draw the curtains and disconnect the phone so you will not be disturbed. Change into very comfortable clothing and sit in your ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 12 Septembrie 2006


A big earthquake with the strength of 8.1 on the Richter scale hits Mexico. Two million Mexicans have died and over a million are injured. The country is totally ruined and the government doesn't know where to start with asking for help to rebuild.
The rest of the world is in shock.
Canada is sending troopers to help the Mexican army control the riots.
Saudi Arabia is sending oil.
Other ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 31 Mai 2006


Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
A: Breasts don't have eyes....... ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 18 Octombrie 2004


Q: What's the difference between biology and sociology?
A: When the baby looks like his dad or mom, then it is biology. When the baby looks like the neighbour, then it is sociology. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 5 Februarie 2007


FEMALE PRAYER
Before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man, who's not a creep,
One who's handsome, smart and strong
One who loves to listen long,
One who thinks before he speaks,
One who'll call, not wait for weeks.
I pray he's gainfully employed,
When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my door,
Massages me back and begs to do ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 23 August 2005


Late one night, a man walks into a dentist's surgery and says, "Excuse me, can you help me? I think I'm a moth."
Dentist: "You don't need a dentist. You need a psychiatrist."
Man: "Yes, I know."
Dentist: "So why did you come in here?"
Man: "Well, the light was on." ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 9 Mai 2007


Worst Things To Say On A First Date:
- I used to have a real bad bedwetting problem... but the last couple of weeks I've gotten it under control.
- I know we just met and this might seem a little sudden. .. but could I borrow five hundred dollars?
- Go ahead and Super Size - I found spare change in the sofa today.
- Something tells me that you're very special... but with medication I can ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 14 Februarie 2007


A couple was going out for the evening. They'd gotten ready, all dolled up, dog put out, etc. The taxi arrives, and as the couple start out, the dog shoots back in the house. They don't want the dog shut in the house,so the wife goes out to the taxi while the husband goes upstairs to chase the dog out.
The wife, not wanting it known that the house will be empty explains to the taxi ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 31 August 2004


A man is walking along a cliff and all of a sudden loses his balance, slips, and falls off. Fortunately, he has the presence of mind to grab on to the edge, and he's hanging there for dear life. He hangs and hangs an finally yells out: "Is there anybody up there who can help me?"
There's no answer.
He keeps calling and calling. "Is there anybody up there who can help me?".
Finally this big ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 20 August 2007


There were 3 good arguments that Jesus was Black:
1. He called everyone brother.
2. He liked Gospel.
3. He couldn't get a fair trial.

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Jewish:
1. He went into His Father's business.
2. He lived at home until he was 33.
3. He was sure his Mother was a virgin and his mother was sure he was God.

But then there were 3 ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 20 Octombrie 2005


George Bush is visiting the Queen of England. He asks her, "Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient government? Are there any tips you can give me?"

"Well," says the Queen, "the most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people.

"Bush frowns. "But how do I know the people around me are really intelligent?"

The Queen takes a sip of tea. "Oh, that's easy. You just ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 14 Iulie 2006


Husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop with their 9 children. A blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife and the 9 kids are able to fit onto the bus.

So the husband and the blind man decide to walk. After a while, the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man as he taps it on the sidewalk, and says ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 5 Octombrie 2006