A Czech goes to the optician who shows him a card with the letters 'C Z W X N Q S T A C Z'. Can you read this? the optician...
propus: 31 Aug 2004
A husband and his wife had a bitter
quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding
anniversary.
The husband yells,
"When you die, I'm getting you a
headstone that reads: 'Here Lies My
Wife - Cold As Ever'."
"Yeah,"
she replies, "When you die, I'm
getting you a headstone that reads:
'Here Lies My Husband - Stiff At
Last.'"
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 9 Iunie 2005
A middle-aged couple had two beautiful
daughters but always talked about having
a son. They decided to try one last time
for the son they always wanted.
The
wife got pregnant and delivered a
healthy baby boy. The joyful father
rushed to the nursery to see his new
son. He was horrified at the ugliest
child he had ever seen.
He told his
wife:
'There's no way I can be the
father of this baby.
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 3 Iunie 2008
One Sunday morning, everyone in a
bright, beautiful, tiny town got up
early and went to the local church.
Before the services started, the
townspeople were sitting in their pews
and talking about their lives, their
families, etc.
Suddenly, Satan
appeared at the front of the church.
Everyone started screaming and running
for the front entrance, trampling each
other in a frantic effort to get
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 5 Aprilie 2007
George Bush is visiting the Queen of
England. He asks her, "Your Majesty, how
do you run such an efficient government?
Are there any tips you can give me?"
"Well," says the Queen, "the
most important thing is to surround
yourself with intelligent people.
"Bush frowns. "But how do I know the
people around me are really
intelligent?"
The Queen takes a
sip of tea. "Oh, that's easy. You just
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 14 Iulie 2006
Two mothers are having a conversation
about their children one day.
- How
do you get your Marvin up so early on
school mornings? asks Joan.
- Oh,
that's easy, replies Marianne. I just
throw the cat on his bed.
- Why does
that wake him up?
- He sleeps with
the dog!
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 13 Martie 2008
Robert went to his lawyer and said:
- I would like to make a will, but I
don't know exactly how to go about it.
The lawyer smiled at Robert and
replied:
- Not a problem, leave it
all to me.
Robert looked somewhat
upset and said:
- Well, I knew you
were going to take a big portion, but I
would like to leave a little to my
family too!
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 8 Iunie 2011
When I went to lunch today, I noticed an
old lady near a park bench sobbing her
eyes out. I stopped and asked her what
was wrong.
She said: "I have a 22
year old husband at home. He makes love
to me every morning and then gets up and
makes me pancakes, sausage, fresh fruit
and freshly ground coffee."
I said:
"Well, then why are you crying?"
She
said: "He makes me homemade soup for
lunch and my
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 24 Februarie 2005
A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were
waiting one morning for a particularly
slow group of golfers. The engineer
fumed:
- What's with these guys?
We must have been waiting for 15
minutes!
The doctor chimed in:
-
I don't know, but I've never
seen such ineptitude!
The pastor
said:
- Hey, here comes the greens
keeper. Let's have a word with
him.... Hi George! Say, what's
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 31 Martie 2005
Satan greets Bill Gates:
- Welcome
Mr. Gates, we've been waiting for
you. This will be your home for all
eternity. You've been selfish,
greedy and a big liar all your life.
Now, since you've got me in a good
mood, I'll be generous and give you
a choice of three places in which
you'll be locked up forever.
Satan takes Bill to a huge lake of
fire in which millions of poor
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 31 Martie 2005
I was out walking with my 4 year old
daughter. She picked up something off
the ground and started to put it in her
mouth. I took the item away from her and
I asked her not to do that. "Why?" my
daughter asked. "Because it's been on
the ground, you don't know where it's
been, it'sdirty and probably has germs"
I replied. At this point, my daughter
looked at me with total admiration and
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 22 Martie 2007
Fifteen days ago, I read that smoking
can kill you.
The next day I stopped
smoking.
Twelve days ago, I
read that too much red meat can kill
you.
The next day I stopped eating
red meat.
Eight days ago, I
read that drinking can kill you. The
next day I stopped drinking.
Yesterday, I read that having sex
can kill you.
This morning I stopped
reading.
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 25 Aprilie 2005