A husband and his wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary. The husband yells, When you die, I'm...

Banc din categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)

propus: 9 Iun 2005

A husband and his wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary.
The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads: 'Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever'."
"Yeah," she replies, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads: 'Here Lies My Husband - Stiff At Last.'"

1. There's always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it. For example, I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt. 2. The easiest way to [...]
banc precedent
A couple is lying in bed. The man says: I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world. The woman says: I'll miss you.
banc urmator

Lucrare: The Dracula is a person bad. He
came from Transilvania. He is a strigoi,
because the Dracula was reancarnation in
a voievod. He came only at night.Lucrare: The Dracula is a person bad. He came from Transilvania. He is a strigoi, because the Dracula was reancarnation in a voievod. He came only at night. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 19 Decembrie 2006


In an airplane the captain tells the passengers:
- This is your captain speaking. We are losing altitude and we do not have enough fuel to reach land. Therefore, we have to let all the baggage leave the airplane.
The airplane gains altitude again. Half an hour later the airplane begins losing altitude again and the captain is on the loudspeakers once more:
- This is your captain speaking. We ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 31 Iulie 2006


Q: Tarzan and the animals went to the river to take a bath. Tarzan removed his clothes. All the animals laughed. Tarzan asked "Why"?
A: The animals told him. Your tail is in front". ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 5 Februarie 2007


School: Define The Following Terms

Antibody: Against everyone.
Artery: The study of fine paintings.
Bacteria: Back door to a cafeteria.
Benign: What you've been after eight.
Cardiology: Advance study of poker playing.
Cat Scan: Searching for lost kitty.
Chronic: Neck of a crow.
Coma: Punctuation mark.
Cyst: Short of sister.
Diagnosis: Person with slanted nose.
Dislocation: In ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 2 Martie 2005


3 Little Pigs - The Untold Story

This is classic - a true story, proving how fascinating is the mind of a six year old. They think so logically.

A teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class. She came to the part of the story where the first pig was trying to gather the building materials for his home. She read, "...and so the pig went up to the man with the ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 31 August 2004


Donald Rumsfeld is giving the president Bush his daily briefing. He concludes by saying:
- Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed.
- OH NO!, the president exclaims. That's terrible!
His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the president sits, head in hands.
Finally, president looks up and asks:
- How many is a brazillion? ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 11 Octombrie 2005


Explicatii de dat atunci cand nu va merg aplicatiile si programele.

COUNT DOWN......

20. "That's weird..."
19. "It's never done that before."
18. "It worked yesterday."
17. "How is that possible?"
16. "It must be a hardware problem."
15. "What did you type in wrong to get it to crash?"
14. "There is something funky in your data."
13. "I haven't touched that module in weeks!"
12. ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 28 Noiembrie 2006


Fifteen days ago, I read that smoking can kill you.
The next day I stopped smoking.

Twelve days ago, I read that too much red meat can kill you.
The next day I stopped eating red meat.

Eight days ago, I read that drinking can kill you. The next day I stopped drinking.

Yesterday, I read that having sex can kill you.
This morning I stopped reading. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 25 Aprilie 2005


A guy joins a monastery and takes a vow of silence: he is allowed to say two words every seven years.
After the first seven years, the elders bring him in and ask for his two words. "Cold floors," he says. They nod and send him away.
Seven more years pass. They bring him back in and ask for his two words. He clears his throats and says, "Bad food." They nod and send him away.
Seven more years ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 2 Februarie 2006


Five Germans in an Audi Quattro arrive at the Italian border.
The Italian Customs Officer stops them and tells them:
- It's a illegala to put a cinque people in a Quattro.
- Vot do you mean it's illegal? asks the German driver.
- Quattro meansa four, replies the Italian official.
- Quattro is just ze name of ze automobile!, the German says unbelievingly. Look at ze dam papers: ze car is ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 26 Ianuarie 2006


If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, itwill always be yours. If it doesn't come back, it was never yours to begin with. But, if it just sits in your living room, messes up your stuff, eats your food, uses your telephone, takes your money, and doesn't appear to realize that you had set it free... You either married it or gave birth to it ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 9 August 2007


I am not sure exactly how this works,
but this is amazingly accurate.  <br>The
picture below has two identical dolphins
in it. It was used in a case study on
stress levels at the Mayo Clinic and
later ...I am not sure exactly how this works, but this is amazingly accurate.
The picture below has two identical dolphins in it. It was used in a case study on stress levels at the Mayo Clinic and later at Fletcher Medical Center in Burlington.
Look at both dolphins jumping out of the water. The dolphins are identical. A closely monitored, scientific study revealed that, in spite of the fact that ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 25 Martie 2008


01. While working with Mr. Ionescu, I have always found him
02. working studiously and sincerely at his table without
03. gossiping with colleagues in the office. He seldom
04. wastes his time on useless things. Given a job, he always
05. finishes the given assignment in time. He is always
06. deeply engrossed in his official work, and can never be
07. found chitchatting in the canteen. He ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 2 Iunie 2011


A truck driver had to deliver five hundred penguins to the state zoo. As he was driving his truck through the desert, the truck broke down.

After waiting by the side of the road for about three hours, he waved another truck down and offered the driver $500 to take the penguins to the state zoo for him.

The next day, the first truck driver arrived in town and saw the second truck driver ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 3 Decembrie 2007


If Adam and Eve were Chinese we would still be in paradise because they would have ignored the apple and eaten the snake. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 24 Februarie 2005