I am passing this on to you because it definitely worked for me and we all could use more calm in our lives. By following the...
propus: 30 Mai 2005
I am passing this on to you because it
definitely worked for me and we all
could use more calm in our lives. By
following the simple advice I heard on a
Dr. Phil show, I have finally found
inner peace. Dr. Phil proclaimed, "The
way to achieve inner peace is to finish
all the things you've started." So I
looked around my house to see all the
things I started and hadn't finished,
and before leaving the house this
morning, I finished off a bottle of
Merlot, a bottle of White Zinfandel, a
bottle of Bailey's, a bottle of Kahlua,
a package of Oreos, the remainder of
both Prozac and Valium prescriptions,
the rest of the cheesecake, some
saltines and a box of chocolates. You
have no idea how freaking good I feel.
Please pass this on to those you feel
are in need of inner peace.
Our five senses are incomplete without the sixth: sense of humor. Anonymous
banc precedent 1. There's always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it. For example, I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt. 2. The easiest way to [...]
banc urmator
There is more money being spent on
breast implants and Viagra today than on
Alzheimer's research. This means that by
2040, there should be a large elderly
population with perky boobs and huge
erections and absolutely no recollection
of what to do with them.
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 23 Februarie 2007
A lady about eight months pregnant got
on a bus. She noticed the man opposite
her was smiling at her. So she
immediately moved to another seat.
This time the smile turned to a
grin, so she moved again. The man seemed
even more amused. When, on the fourth
move, the man burst out laughing, she
complained to the driver and he had the
man arrested.
The case came up in
court. The judge asked the man
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 2 Iulie 2007
An engineer dies and reports to Heaven.
St. Peter checks his dossier and says,
"Ah, you're an engineer, you're in the
wrong place."
So the engineer
reports to Hell and is let in. Pretty
soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied
with the level of comfort in Hell, and
starts designing and building
improvements. After a while, they've got
air conditioning and flush toilets and
escalators, and the
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 4 Aprilie 2007
A father was trying to teach his young
son the evils of alcohol.
He
put one worm in a glass of water and
another worm in a glass of
whiskey.
The worm in the water lived, while the
one in the whiskey
curled up and
died.
"All right, son," asked
the father, "what does that show you?"
"Well, Dad, it shows that if
you drink alcohol, you will not have
worms."
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 18 August 2008
Bill and Diane were in a terrible
accident and Diane's face was
severely burned.
The doctor
told Bill that they couldn't graft
any skin from her body because she was
too skinny.
So Bill offered to
donate some of his own skin. However,
the only skin on his body that the
doctor felt was suitable would have to
come from his buttocks.
The
husband and wife agreed that they would
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 31 August 2004
You Know You Have a Bad Computer When...
10. The lower corner of screen has
the words "Etch A Sketch" on it.
9.
When you insert a disk, it spits out a
pack of cigarettes.
8. You have to
pedal it.
7. The manual contains one
sentence: "Good luck!"
6. The only
chip inside came from a bag of Doritos.
5. When you turn it on, the dogs in
the neighborhood start howling.
4.
You catch a virus from
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 20 August 2007
Jack Benny is walking down the street,
when a stick-up man pulls out a gun and
says: Your money or your life!
An
extremely long silence follows. Your
money or your life!, the thug repeats.
Finally Benny says: I am thinking!
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 2 Februarie 2006
Q: What's the difference between biology
and sociology?
A: When the baby
looks like his dad or mom, then it is
biology. When the baby looks like the
neighbour, then it is sociology.
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 5 Februarie 2007
Late one night, a man walks into a
dentist's surgery and says, "Excuse me,
can you help me? I think I'm a moth."
Dentist: "You don't need a dentist.
You need a psychiatrist."
Man: "Yes,
I know."
Dentist: "So why did you
come in here?"
Man: "Well, the light
was on."
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 9 Mai 2007
Due to increasing products liability
litigation, American liquor
manufacturers have accepted the
FDA's suggestion that the following
warning labels be placed immediately on
all varieties of alcohol containers:
WARNING: The consumption of
alcohol may leave you wondering what the
hell happened to your bra and panties.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol
may make you think you are
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 7 Martie 2005
I recall a time when my son was about 18
months old. I had him strapped into a
backpack and was rushing to catch the
bus. Apparently I mis-stepped and fell
down an entire flight of stairs (13 to
be exact). I was bruised and bleeding
and had torn my jeans ... but my main
concern was, naturally, for my child.
My fears were alleviated,
though, when from behind me I heard a
gleeful giggle followed
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 13 August 2008
A couple was going out for the evening.
They'd gotten ready, all dolled up,
dog put out, etc. The taxi arrives, and
as the couple start out, the dog shoots
back in the house. They don't want
the dog shut in the house,so the wife
goes out to the taxi while the husband
goes upstairs to chase the dog out.
The wife, not wanting it known that
the house will be empty explains to the
taxi
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 31 August 2004
TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical
formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L
M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking
about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said
it's H to O.
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 26 Noiembrie 2008
An old mafia Don is dying and he calls
his grandson to the bed.
- You
lissin-a me. I wanna for you to taka my
chrome plated 38 revolver so you will
always remember me.
- But grandpa,
I really don't like guns. Howzabout you
leava me your rolex watch instead?
-
Shuddup and lissin. Somma day you gonna
runna da business, you gonna have a
beautifulla wife, lotsa money, a biga
home and maybe a
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 17 Octombrie 2005