I am passing this on to you because it definitely worked for me and we all could use more calm in our lives. By following the...
propus: 30 Mai 2005
I am passing this on to you because it
definitely worked for me and we all
could use more calm in our lives. By
following the simple advice I heard on a
Dr. Phil show, I have finally found
inner peace. Dr. Phil proclaimed, "The
way to achieve inner peace is to finish
all the things you've started." So I
looked around my house to see all the
things I started and hadn't finished,
and before leaving the house this
morning, I finished off a bottle of
Merlot, a bottle of White Zinfandel, a
bottle of Bailey's, a bottle of Kahlua,
a package of Oreos, the remainder of
both Prozac and Valium prescriptions,
the rest of the cheesecake, some
saltines and a box of chocolates. You
have no idea how freaking good I feel.
Please pass this on to those you feel
are in need of inner peace.
Our five senses are incomplete without the sixth: sense of humor. Anonymous
banc precedent 1. There's always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it. For example, I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt. 2. The easiest way to [...]
banc urmator
Donald Rumsfeld is giving the president
Bush his daily briefing. He concludes by
saying:
- Yesterday, 3 Brazilian
soldiers were killed.
- OH NO!, the
president exclaims. That's terrible!
His staff sits stunned at this
display of emotion, nervously watching
as the president sits, head in hands.
Finally, president looks up and
asks:
- How many is a brazillion?
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 11 Octombrie 2005
Explicatii de dat atunci cand nu va merg
aplicatiile si programele.
COUNT DOWN......
20.
"That's weird..."
19. "It's never
done that before."
18. "It worked
yesterday."
17. "How is that
possible?"
16. "It must be a
hardware problem."
15. "What did you
type in wrong to get it to crash?"
14. "There is something funky in
your data."
13. "I haven't touched
that module in weeks!"
12.
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 28 Noiembrie 2006
Year 1981 =========
1. Prince
Charles got married
2. Liverpool
crowned Champions of Europe
3. Pope
Died.
Year 2005 =========
1. Prince Charles got married
(again)
2. Liverpool crowned
Champions of Europe (again)
3. Pope
Died.
*** In Future,
if
Charles wants to re-marry
or
Liverpool needs another crown. .... POOR
POPE....!!
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 23 August 2005
A young husband comes home one night,
and his wife throws her arms around his
neck: "Darling, I have great news:
I'm a month overdue. I think
we're going to have a baby! The
doctor gave me a test today, but until
we find out for sure, we can't tell
anybody."
The next day, a guy
from the electric company rings the
door-bell, because the young couple
hasn't paid their last bill:
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 31 August 2004
A man is incomplete until he is married.
Then he is finished.
Marriage
is the triumph of imagination over
intelligence.
When a woman
steals your husband, there is no better
revenge than to let her keep him.
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 6 Octombrie 2006
A new young bride calls her mother in
tears.
She sobs:
- Robert
doesn't appreciate what I do for
him.
- Now, now,. ..her mother
comforted, I am sure it was all just a
misunderstanding.
- No, mother, you
don't understand. I bought a frozen
turkey roll and he yelled and screamed
at me about the price!
- Well, the
nerve of that lousy cheapskate! says her
mom. Those turkey rolls are only
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 12 Aprilie 2005
Headlines from the year 2029:
Ozone created by electric cars now
killing millions in the seventh largest
country in the world, Mexifornia,
formerly known as California. White
minorities still trying to have English
recognized as Mexifornia's third
language.
Spotted Owl plague
threatens northwestern United States
crops and livestock.
Baby
conceived naturally. Scientists stumped.
Couple
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 2 Martie 2006
1. The sport of choice for the urban
poor is BASKETBALL.
2. The sport of
choice for maintenance level employees
is BOWLING.
3. The sport of choice
for front-line workers is FOOTBALL.
4. The sport of choice for
supervisors is BASEBALL.
5. The
sport of choice for middle management is
TENNIS.
6. The sport of choice for
corporate officers is GOLF.
AMAZING CONCLUSION:
The higher
you are in
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 18 Octombrie 2004
A man visited a psychiatrist to talk
about his dreams.
"Every night," the
man said, "I dream that these three
hideous monsters are sitting on the edge
of my bed, ready to attack me."
"Hmmm," said the doctor. "I feel
sure I can cure you of this problem. But
the treatment will cost you somewhere
between twenty-five and thirty thousand
dollars."
"Thirty thousand dollars!"
the man gasped. "Never
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 9 Martie 2007
There is this good old barber in one
city in the US.
- One day a florist
goes to him for a haircut. After the
cut, he goes to pay the barber and the
barber replies: "I am sorry. I cannot
accept money from you. I am doing
community service." The Florist is happy
and leaves the shop. The next morning
when the barber goes to open his shop,
there is a thank you card and a dozen
roses waiting at his
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 9 Februarie 2006

THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN
DRUNK:
1. Innovative
2.
Preliminary
3. Proliferation
4.
Cinnamon
THINGS THAT ARE VERY
DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1.
Specificity
2.
Anti-constitutionalistically
3.
Passive-aggressive disorder
4. Tran
substantiate
THINGS THAT ARE
DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. No thanks, I'm married.
2.
Nope, no more booze for me!
3.
Sorry, but
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 22 Mai 2008