Satan greets Bill Gates: - Welcome Mr. Gates, we've been waiting for you. This will be your home for all eternity. You've been...
propus: 31 Mar 2005
Satan greets Bill Gates:
- Welcome
Mr. Gates, we've been waiting for you.
This will be your home for all eternity.
You've been selfish, greedy and a big
liar all your life. Now, since you've
got me in a good mood, I'll be generous
and give you a choice of three places in
which you'll be locked up forever.
Satan takes Bill to a huge lake of
fire in which millions of poor souls are
tormented and tortured.
He then
takes him to a massive coliseum where
thousands of people are chased about and
devoured by starving lions.
Finally,
he takes Bill to a tiny room in which
there is a bottle of the finest wine
sitting on a table. To Bill's delight,
he sees a PC in the corner.
Without
hesitation, Bill says:
- I'll take
this option.
- Fine, says Satan,
allowing Bill to enter the room.
Satan locks the room after Bill.
As he turns around, he bumps into
Lucifer:
- That was Bill Gates!
cried Lucifer.
- Why did you give
him the best place of all!
"That's
what everyone thinks" snickered Satan.
- The bottle has a hole in it!
-
What about the PC?
- It's got
Windows 95! laughed Satan. And it's
missing three keys.
- Which three?
- Control, Alt and Delete.
An engineer was crossing a road one-day when a frog called out to him and said: - If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess. He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in [...]
banc precedent Recently while going through an airport during one of his many trips, President Bush encountered a man with long hair, wearing a white robe, and sandals, holding a staff. President Bush [...]
banc urmator
A mother and a daughter are shopping in
the mall, when the mother eyes an
expensive fur coat.
"This year," she
says, "I think that I will buy my
present instead of making you and Dad
shop for me." The daughter nods in
agreement. "And I think this fur coat
would be perfect too."
The daughter
protests, "But Mom, some helpless, poor
creature has to suffer so that you can
have this."
"Don't worry,
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 7 Februarie 2008
A linguistics professor was lecturing
his class one day.
- In English, he
said, a double negative forms a
positive. In some languages, though,
such as Romanian, a double negative is
still a negative. However, there is no
language wherein a double positive can
form a negative.
A loud voice from
the back of the room piped up:
-
Yeah, right.
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 8 Iunie 2011
UNDERSTANDING WOMEN (A MAN'S
PERSPECTIVE)
I know I'm not going to
understand women.
I'll never
understand how you can take boiling hot
wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip
the hair out by the root, and still be
afraid of a spider.
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 13 Mai 2010
Barbara Walters of 20/20 did a story on
gender roles in Kabul, Afghanistan
several years before the Afghan
conflict. She noted that women
customarily walked about 5 paces
behind their husbands. She returned to
Kabul recently and observed that women
still walk behind their husbands, but
now seem to walk even further back and
are happy with the old custom.
Ms.
Walters approached one of
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 8 Septembrie 2004
School: Define The Following Terms
Antibody: Against everyone.
Artery: The study of fine paintings.
Bacteria: Back door to a cafeteria.
Benign: What you've been after
eight.
Cardiology: Advance study of
poker playing.
Cat Scan: Searching
for lost kitty.
Chronic: Neck of a
crow.
Coma: Punctuation mark.
Cyst: Short of sister.
Diagnosis: Person with slanted nose.
Dislocation: In
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 2 Martie 2005
A man walks into a bar and he's really
pissed. The bartender gives him a drink
and asks what the problem is. All he
says is:
- All lawyers are assholes.
A man sitting in the corner shouts:
- I take offense to that!
The
pissed off guy asks him:
- Why? Are
you a lawyer?
The other replies:
- No, I'm an asshole.
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 30 Iunie 2006
Two lawyers arrive at the pub and
ordered a couple of drinks. They then
take sandwiches from their briefcases
and began to eat.
Seeing this, the
angry publican approaches them and says,
'Excuse me, but you cannot eat your own
sandwiches in here!'
The two look at
each other, shrug and exchange
sandwiches.
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 8 Iunie 2011
Queen Elizabeth II, George W Bush &
Traian Basescu died & went straight to
hell.
Queen Elizabeth II said
"I miss Britain, I want to call Britain
and see how everybody is doing there.
She called and talked for about 5
minutes, then her Majesty asked "Well,
Devil how much do I owe you? The devil
replied "Five million dollars" She wrote
him a cheque and went to sit back on her
chair.
George
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 27 Octombrie 2006
Donald Rumsfeld is giving the president
Bush his daily briefing. He concludes by
saying:
- Yesterday, 3 Brazilian
soldiers were killed.
- OH NO!, the
president exclaims. That's terrible!
His staff sits stunned at this
display of emotion, nervously watching
as the president sits, head in hands.
Finally, president looks up and
asks:
- How many is a brazillion?
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 11 Octombrie 2005
First-year students at Texas A&M's Vet
School were receiving theirfirst anatomy
class, with a real dead cow. They all
gathered around the surgery table with
the body covered with a white sheet. The
professor started the class by telling
them:
- In vet medicine it is
necessary to have two important
qualities as a doctor: the first is that
you not be disgusted by anything
involving the animal
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 2 Mai 2007
Year 1981 =========
1. Prince
Charles got married
2. Liverpool
crowned Champions of Europe
3. Pope
Died.
Year 2005 =========
1. Prince Charles got married
(again)
2. Liverpool crowned
Champions of Europe (again)
3. Pope
Died.
*** In Future,
if
Charles wants to re-marry
or
Liverpool needs another crown. .... POOR
POPE....!!
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 23 August 2005
Two guys walk into a bar, separately,
and have a seat at the bar.
One
guy notices the other has a black eye,
just like him.
“Hey buddy,
how’d you get your shiner?”
“Well, I was at the train station,
and the ticket girl was veeery hot. And
instead of two tickets to Pittsburg, I
slipped and said ‘two PICKets to
TITTsburg’ and she hit me square in
the
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Duminica, 24 August 2008
Two engineering students were walking
across campus when one said:
- Where
did you get such a great bike?
The
second engineer replied:
- Well, I
was walking along yesterday minding my
own business when a beautiful woman rode
up on this bike. She threw the bike to
the ground, took off all her clothes and
said, "Take what you want."
The
second engineer nodded approvingly:
- Good choice; the
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 31 Martie 2005
A Chinese couple got married. When a
baby girl was born, her eyes were big
and blue, hair was curly and blonde,
skin was brown. Finally, the father
named the baby SUM TING RONG."
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 11 Septembrie 2006