What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers? Mechanical Engineers build weapons and Civil Engineers...

Banc din categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)

propus: 31 Mar 2005

What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?
Mechanical Engineers build weapons and Civil Engineers build targets.

A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed: - What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 [...]
banc precedent
The graduate with a Science degree asks, Why does it work? The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, How does it work? The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, How much will it [...]
banc urmator

What's the difference between stress, tension and panic?
Stress is when wife is pregnant.
Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant.
Panic is when both are pregnant. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 1 Martie 2005


Amazingly simple home remedies: <br>1.
Avoid cutting yourself when slicing
vegetables by getting someone else to
hold the vegetables while you chop.
<br>2. Avoid arguments with the females
about lifting ...Amazingly simple home remedies:
1. Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold the vegetables while you chop.
2. Avoid arguments with the females about lifting the toilet seat by using the sink.
3. For high blood pressure sufferers: Simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure on your veins. Remember to use a timer.
4. A mouse ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Duminica, 9 Noiembrie 2008


A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a Cop. Being a typical lawyer, he thinks he is smarter than the Cop so he decides to have some fun at the Cop's expense.
Cop says:
- License and registration, please.
Lawyer says:
- What for?
Cop says:
- You didn't come to a complete stop at the stop sign.
Lawyer says:
- I slowed down, and no one was coming.
Cop says:
- Exactly! License ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 22 Noiembrie 2005


- What is the longest word in the English language?
- It is the word "smiles", because there is a mile between the first letter and the last! ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Duminica, 20 Octombrie 2013


Two lawyers arrive at the pub and ordered a couple of drinks. They then take sandwiches from their briefcases and began to eat.
Seeing this, the angry publican approaches them and says, 'Excuse me, but you cannot eat your own sandwiches in here!'
The two look at each other, shrug and exchange sandwiches. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 8 Iunie 2011


A man walks into a bar and he's really pissed. The bartender gives him a drink and asks what the problem is. All he says is:
- All lawyers are assholes.
A man sitting in the corner shouts:
- I take offense to that!
The pissed off guy asks him:
- Why? Are you a lawyer?
The other replies:
- No, I'm an asshole. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 30 Iunie 2006


A young lady visited the government matchmaker for marriage and requested: "I'm looking for a spouse. Can you please help me to find a suitable one?"
The marriage officer said: "Your requirements please."
"Well, let me see. Needs to be good looking, polite, humorous, sporty, knowledgeable, good at singing and dancing.
Willing to accompany me the whole day at home during my leisure hour, if I ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 27 August 2007


Who's your best friend? Just try this experiment... Put your dog and your wife in the trunk of the car for an hour. When you open the trunk, who is really happy to see you? ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 12 Martie 2008


An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.

The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said:
- Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.

To which the gentleman ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 19 Noiembrie 2013


One sunny day in 2005 an old man approached the White House from across Pennsylvania Ave, where he'd been sitting on a park bench. He spoke to the US Marine standing guard and said, "I would like to go in and meet with President Bush."
The Marine looked at the man and said, "Sir, Mr. Bush is no longer president and no longer resides here." The old man said, "Okay" and walked away.
The following ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 24 Noiembrie 2005


Bono is at a U2 concert in Dublin when he asks the audience for some quiet.
Then, in the silence, he starts to slowly clap his hands.
He says into the microphone, in a deep solemn voice...
"Just for a moment, think outside yourself... Outside this arena... Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies."
A loud Irish voice from near the front pierces the moment...
"Well, ya ****** ****, ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 27 Octombrie 2006


Five Germans in an Audi Quattro arrive at the Italian border.
The Italian Customs Officer stops them and tells them:
- It's a illegala to put a cinque people in a Quattro.
- Vot do you mean it's illegal? asks the German driver.
- Quattro meansa four, replies the Italian official.
- Quattro is just ze name of ze automobile!, the German says unbelievingly. Look at ze dam papers: ze car is ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 26 Ianuarie 2006


A dog walks into an employment agency and says:
- I'd like to get a job please.
The guy at the employment agency says:
- Wow, you could easily get a job at the circus, with your talents!
The dog replys:
- What would the circus want with a plumber? ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 19 Noiembrie 2013


Unexpected cold snaps had destroyed the buds on my father's young peach tree for two years in a row. This spring, Dad was ready. He replanted the sapling in a large box, mounted it on wheels, and put the tree in the garage whenever the temperature dropped.
One warm April day, Dad was wheeling the tree out into the yard, and he stopped to give our dog a drink from the garden hose. A neighbor ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 14 Iunie 2007


A couple was going out for the evening. They'd gotten ready, all dolled up, dog put out, etc. The taxi arrives, and as the couple start out, the dog shoots back in the house. They don't want the dog shut in the house,so the wife goes out to the taxi while the husband goes upstairs to chase the dog out.
The wife, not wanting it known that the house will be empty explains to the taxi ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 31 August 2004