A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed: -...

Banc din categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)

propus: 31 Mar 2005

A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed:
- What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!
The doctor chimed in:
- I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!
The pastor said:
- Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him.... Hi George! Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?
The greens keeper replied:
- Oh, yes, that's a group of blind firefighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime.

The group was silent for a moment, then the pastor said:
- That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.
The doctor said:
- Good idea. And I'm going to contact my
ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them.
The engineer said:
- Why can't these guys play at night?

Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said: - Where did you get such a great bike? The second engineer replied: - Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own [...]
banc precedent
What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers? Mechanical Engineers build weapons and Civil Engineers build targets.
banc urmator

A husband, the owner of a new car, was somewhat reluctant to allow his wife to drive his prize possession, even to the grocery store, which was a few blocks from the house.
After she insisted, he finally relented, cautioning her as she departed, "Remember, if you have an accident, the newspaper will print your age." ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 25 Septembrie 2008


Bill and Diane were in a terrible accident and Diane's face was severely burned.

The doctor told Bill that they couldn't graft any skin from her body because she was too skinny.

So Bill offered to donate some of his own skin. However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from his buttocks.

The husband and wife agreed that they would ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 31 August 2004


A man follows a woman out of a movie theatre. She has a dog on a leash. He stops her and says, "I'm sorry to bother you, but I couldn't help but notice that your dog was really into the movie. He cried at the right spots, he moved nervously in his seat at the boring parts, but most of all, he laughed like crazy at the funny parts. Did you find that unusual?"
"Yes," she replied, "I found ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 18 Octombrie 2004


Hearing so many people speaking about his intelligence level, George "double you" Bush decided to get his brain checked.
The physician diagnosis was as follows:
- Mr. President, you have two brains, the left and the right, like all normal people. But the problem is that in your left brain there is nothing right and in your right brain there is nothing left. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 10 Mai 2005


TEACHER: Clyde, your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
CLYDE: No, sir. It's the same dog. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 26 Noiembrie 2008


What do you get if you cross an insomniac, an agnostic, and a dyslexic?
Someone who stays awake at night wondering if there really is a dog. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 17 August 2007


HOW TO RECRUIT THE RIGHT PERSON FOR THE JOB?

Put about 100 bricks in some particular order in a closed room with an open window. Then send 2 or 3 candidates in the room and close the door. Leave them alone and come back after 6 hours and then analyses the situation.

If they are counting the bricks. Put them in the accounts department.

If they are recounting them. Put them in ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 10 Martie 2006


A man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished.

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.

When a woman steals your husband, there is no better revenge than to let her keep him. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 6 Octombrie 2006


Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is your emergency?
Caller: I heard what sounded like gunshots coming from the brown house on the corner.
Dispatcher: Do you have an address?
Caller: No, I have on a blouse and slacks, why? ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 12 Aprilie 2007


The truth about working in the IT industry:

1. We work weird (night) shifts...
2. They pay you to make the client happy...
3. The client pays a lot of money, but your employer keeps almost every penny...
4. You are rewarded for fulfilling the client's dreams...
5. Your friends fall apart and you end up hanging out with people in the same profession as you...
6. When you have to meet the ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 27 Noiembrie 2006


Why did the woman cross the Road?

Never mind that - what I would like to know is what she was doing out of the kitchen, in the first place! ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 19 Noiembrie 2013


Lucrare: The Dracula is a person bad. He
came from Transilvania. He is a strigoi,
because the Dracula was reancarnation in
a voievod. He came only at night.Lucrare: The Dracula is a person bad. He came from Transilvania. He is a strigoi, because the Dracula was reancarnation in a voievod. He came only at night. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 19 Decembrie 2006


Due to increasing products liability litigation, American liquor manufacturers have accepted the FDA's suggestion that the following warning labels be placed immediately on all varieties of alcohol containers:

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your bra and panties.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 7 Martie 2005


Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 31 Martie 2005


Jack Benny is walking down the street, when a stick-up man pulls out a gun and says: Your money or your life!
An extremely long silence follows. Your money or your life!, the thug repeats. Finally Benny says: I am thinking! ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 2 Februarie 2006