When I went to lunch today, I noticed an old lady near a park bench sobbing her eyes out. I stopped and asked her what was...
Banc din categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)
propus: 24 Feb 2005
When I went to lunch today, I noticed an old lady near a park bench sobbing her eyes out. I stopped and asked her what was wrong.
banc precedent If Adam and Eve were Chinese we would still be in paradise because they would have ignored the apple and eaten the snake.
banc urmator
- Comenteaza
- 8.4 din 9 note
Success is just like being pregnant.
Everybody congratulates you but nobody knows how many times you tried! ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 24 Iulie 2009
If a man and a woman fell off a 10-story building at the same time, who would reach the ground first?
The woman, the man would get lost. ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Sambata, 4 Iunie 2011
My girlfriend called me as she was driving to an appointment. She arrived, and I could tell from her voice that she was getting frustrated. Finally she said:
- I know I had my cell phone with me. And
now I can't find it!
I replied:
- Aren't you talking on it!?
There was a solid period of stunned silence as the reality of the situation sank in - followed by:
- You are NOT going to tell ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 1 Februarie 2008
A husband and his wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary.
The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads: 'Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever'."
"Yeah," she replies, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads: 'Here Lies My Husband - Stiff At Last.'" ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 9 Iunie 2005
There are 2 people always next to you:
The Manager, smiling pleasantly to hide evil intentions!
The Team Leader, busy figuring out what work to dump on you next...
And, there's YOU, who struggles with it all! ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Duminica, 22 Iunie 2008
There is an old story about a mother who walks in on her six-year-old son and finds him sobbing. "What's the matter?" she asks.
"I've just figured out how to tie my shoes."
"Well, honey, that's wonderful." Being a wise mother, she recognizes his victory in the Eriksonian struggle of autonomy versus doubt: "You're growing up, but why are you crying?"
"Because," he says, "now I'll have to do it ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 20 Aprilie 2007
Last night I went to a 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy was locking the front door. I said, "Hey, the sign says you're open 24 hours." He goes: "Not in a row!" ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 2 Februarie 2006
If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, itwill always be yours. If it doesn't come back, it was never yours to begin with. But, if it just sits in your living room, messes up your stuff, eats your food, uses your telephone, takes your money, and doesn't appear to realize that you had set it free... You either married it or gave birth to it ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 9 August 2007
A baby polar bear comes up to his mother and asks, "Momma, am I a polar bear?"
"Why, yes, son, of course you are a polar bear," she replies, sending him out to play.
Several minutes later, he returns. "Momma, are you absolutely sure I am a polar bear?"
"Yes, son, absolutely sure. Now go and play."
Several minutes later, he returns asking, "Momma, you're sure I'm 100% polar bear?"
"Yes, ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 13 August 2008
Two lawyers arrive at the pub and ordered a couple of drinks. They then take sandwiches from their briefcases and began to eat.
Seeing this, the angry publican approaches them and says, 'Excuse me, but you cannot eat your own sandwiches in here!'
The two look at each other, shrug and exchange sandwiches. ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 8 Iunie 2011
With a couple celebrating their 50th anniversary at the church's marriage marathon, the minister asked Brother Ralph to take a few minutes and share some insight into how he managed to live with the same woman all these years.
The husband replied to the audience, "Well, I treated her with respect, spent money on her, but mostly I took her traveling on special occasions."
The minister ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 5 Februarie 2007
Hung Chow calls work and says:
- Hey, boss I no come work today, I really sick. I got headache, stomach ache and my legs hurt, I no come work.
The boss says:
- You know Hung Chow, I really need you today. When I feel like that I go to my wife and tell her to sing for me. That makes everything better and I go work. You try that.
Two hours later Hung Chow calls again:
- Boss, I do what you say ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 16 Martie 2005
"In Italy for thirty years under the Borgias they had warfare, terror, murder, bloodshed; they produced Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci and the Renaissance.
In Switzerland they had brotherly love, five hundred years of democracy and peace, and what did they produce? The cuckoo clock!"
Orson Welles ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 16 Mai 2005
I am passing this on to you because it definitely worked for me and we all could use more calm in our lives. By following the simple advice I heard on a Dr. Phil show, I have finally found inner peace. Dr. Phil proclaimed, "The way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you've started." So I looked around my house to see all the things I started and hadn't finished, and before ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 30 Mai 2005
Mr. Gable had a leak in the roof over his dining room, so he called a repairman to take a look at it. "When did you first notice the leak?" the repairman inquired.
Mr. Gable scowled. "Last night, when it took me two hours to finish my soup!" ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 12 Octombrie 2006