When I went to lunch today, I noticed an old lady near a park bench sobbing her eyes out. I stopped and asked her what was...
propus: 24 Feb 2005
This coming week is National Mental
Health Care week.
You can do
your part by remembering to contact at
least one unstable person to show you
care.
Well, my job is done!
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 18 Ianuarie 2007
Q: What's the difference between biology
and sociology?
A: When the baby
looks like his dad or mom, then it is
biology. When the baby looks like the
neighbour, then it is sociology.
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 5 Februarie 2007
TEACHER: George Washington not only
chopped down his father's cherry tree,
but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you
know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the
axe in his hand.
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 1 Mai 2009
A wife asked her husband: "What do you
like most in me, my pretty face or my
sexy body?"
He looked at her from
head to toes and replied after a pause:
"I like your sense of humor!"
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 10 Ianuarie 2005
- Pythagorean theorem: 24 words.
-
The Lord's Prayer: 66 words.
-
Archimedes' Principle: 67 words.
-
The 10 Commandments: 179 words.
-
The Gettysburg address: 286 words.
-
The Declaration of Independence: 1,300
words.
- - - The US Government
regulations on the sale of cabbage:
26,911 words!!! - - -
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 10 Aprilie 2007
I was out walking with my 4 year old
daughter. She picked up something off
the ground and started to put it in her
mouth. I took the item away from her and
I asked her not to do that. "Why?" my
daughter asked. "Because it's been on
the ground, you don't know where it's
been, it'sdirty and probably has germs"
I replied. At this point, my daughter
looked at me with total admiration and
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 22 Martie 2007
Three kids come down to the kitchen and
sit around the breakfast table. The
mother asks the oldest boy what he would
like to eat.
- I would have some
****** French toast, he says.
The
mother is outraged at his language, hits
him, and sends him upstairs. She asks
the middle child what he wants.
-
Well, I guess that leaves more *******
French toast for me, he says.
She is
livid, smacks him, and
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 2 Februarie 2006
A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets
pulled over by a Cop. Being a typical
lawyer, he thinks he is smarter than the
Cop so he decides to have some fun at
the Cop's expense.
Cop says:
-
License and registration, please.
Lawyer says:
- What for?
Cop
says:
- You didn't come to a
complete stop at the stop sign.
Lawyer says:
- I slowed down,
and no one was coming.
Cop says:
- Exactly! License
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 22 Noiembrie 2005
A young man married a beautiful woman
who had previously divorced ten
husbands. She told her new husband,
"Please be gentle with me, as for me
it's the first time."
"What?" said
the puzzled groom. "How can that be if
you've been married ten times?"
"Well, husband #1 was a Sales
Representative; he kept telling me how
great it was going to be."
"Husband
#2 was in Software Services; he was
never
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 2 August 2006
An engineer was crossing a road one-day
when a frog called out to him and said:
- If you kiss me, I'll turn into
a beautiful princess.
He bent over,
picked up the frog and put it in his
pocket.
The frog spoke up again and
said:
- If you kiss me and turn me
back into a beautiful princess, I will
stay with you for one week.
The
engineer took the frog out of his
pocket, smiled at it and
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 31 Martie 2005
An English professor wrote the words :
"A woman without her man is nothing"
on the chalkboard and asked his
students to punctuate it correctly.
All of the males in the class
wrote:
"A woman, without her man,
is nothing."
All the
females in the class wrote:
"A
woman: without her, man is nothing."
Punctuation is powerful
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 31 August 2004
From a strictly mathematical viewpoint
it goes like this:
What Makes
100%? What does it mean to give MORE
than 100%? Ever wonder about those
people who say they are giving more than
100%? We have all been to those meetings
where someone wants you to give over
100%. How about achieving 103%? What
makes up 100% in life?
Here's a little mathematical
formula that might help you answer these
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 2 Noiembrie 2004
All the scientists die and go to heaven.
They decide to play hide-n-seek.
Unfortunately Einstein is the one who
has the den. He is supposed to count up
to 100 and then start searching.
Everyone starts hiding except Newton.
Newton just draws a square of 1 meter
and stands in it right in front of
Einstein. Einstein's counting:
1,2,3..97,98,99,100.
He opens his
eyes and finds Newton standing in
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 5 Septembrie 2005
Well, it appears our African-American
friends have found yet something else to
be pissed about. A black congresswoman
reportedly complained that the names of
hurricanes are all Caucasian sounding
names. She would prefer some names that
reflect African-American culture such as
Chamiqua, Tanisha, Woeisha, Shaqueal,
and Jamal. She would also like the
weather reports to be broadcast in
language that
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 20 Februarie 2007
FEMALE PRAYER
Before I lay me down
to sleep,
I pray for a man,
who's not a creep,
One who's
handsome, smart and strong
One who
loves to listen long,
One who thinks
before he speaks,
One who'll
call, not wait for weeks.
I pray
he's gainfully employed,
When I
spend his cash, won't be annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my
door,
Massages me back and begs to
do
... citeste tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 23 August 2005