Five Jews changed the way you see the world... - Moses: The Law is everything. - Jesus: Love is everything. - Marx: Money...

Banc din categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)

propus: 14 Feb 2005

Five Jews changed the way you see the world...
- Moses: The Law is everything.
- Jesus: Love is everything.
- Marx: Money is everything.
- Freud: Sex is everything.
- Einstein: Everything is relative.

How to avoid the flu Eat right! Make sure you get your daily dose of fruits and veggies. Take your vitamins and bump up your vitamin C. Get plenty of exercise because exercise helps [...]
banc precedent
When I went to lunch today, I noticed an old lady near a park bench sobbing her eyes out. I stopped and asked her what was wrong. She said: I have a 22 year old husband at home. He makes love to [...]
banc urmator

A man called 911 and said, "Someone come quick! My wife fell asleep on the couch with her mouth open and a mouse ran down her throat!"

The operator replied, "Calm down, sir. Wave a piece of cheese over her mouth and maybe the mouse will come out. An ambulance is on the way."

When the ambulance arrived, the EMT found the man waving a fish over his wife's mouth.

"What on earth are you ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 13 August 2008


Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body.
One said, "It was a mechanical engineer." Just look at all the joints."
Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections."
The last one said, "Actually it must have been a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 31 Martie 2005


The orthopedic surgeon I work for was moving to a new office, and his staff was helping transport many of the items.

I sat the display skeleton in the front of my car, his bony arm across the back of my seat. I hadn't considered the drive across town. At one traffic light, the stares of the people in the car beside me became obvious, and I looked across and explained, "I'm delivering him to my ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 31 Octombrie 2006


"Davey, what sound does a cow make?"
Davey replied, "It goes 'moo.'"

"Alice, what sound does a cat make?"
Alice said, "It goes 'meow.'"

"Jamie, what sound does a lamb make?"
Jamie said, "It goes 'baaa.'"

"Jennifer, what sound does a mouse make?"
Jennifer paused, and said, "Uhh. .. it goes. .. 'click!'" ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 14 August 2007


A clergyman, walking down a country lane, saw a young farmer struggling to load hay back onto a cart after it had fallen off.
- You look tired, my son, said the cleric. Why don't you rest a moment, and I'll give you a hand.
- No thanks, said the young man. My father wouldn't approve.
- Don't be silly, the minister said. Everyone is entitled to a break. Come and have a drink of water.
Again ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 3 Mai 2007


A man is waiting in line for a hit movie. Behind him are two women. The usher comes along and says that he has two seats together. Seeing the problem, the usher says to the man, "Let them go first. You wouldn't want to separate a woman from her mother, would you?"
The man says, "No, sir. I did that once, and I've been sorry ever since." ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 1 Aprilie 2008


From a strictly mathematical viewpoint it goes like this:

What Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life?

Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 2 Noiembrie 2004


In an attempt to stop the spread of bird flu, President George W. Bush has just bombed the Canary Islands."
Turkey is next... ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 2 Iunie 2006


With a couple celebrating their 50th anniversary at the church's marriage marathon, the minister asked Brother Ralph to take a few minutes and share some insight into how he managed to live with the same woman all these years.

The husband replied to the audience, "Well, I treated her with respect, spent money on her, but mostly I took her traveling on special occasions."

The minister ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 5 Februarie 2007


In a class on abnormal psychology, the instructor was about to introduce the subject of manic depression.
The instructor asked, "How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth, screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?"
A young man in the rear raised his hand and suggested earnestly, "A basketball coach?" ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 4 Decembrie 2006


Two women came before wise King Solomon, dragging between them a young man in a three-piece suit.
"This young lawyer agreed to marry my daughter," said one.
"No! He agreed to marry MY daughter," said the other.
And so they haggled before the king until he called for silence.
"Bring me my biggest sword," said Solomon, "and I shall hew the young attorney in half. Each of you shall receive a ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 17 Octombrie 2006


A new missionary recruit went to Venezuela for the first time. He was struggling with the language and didn't understand a whole lot of what was going on. Intending to visit one of the local churches, he got lost, but he eventually got back on track and found the place. Having arrived late, the church was already packed. The only pew left was the one on the front row.

So as not to make a fool ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 21 Februarie 2007


TEACHER: Clyde, your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
CLYDE: No, sir. It's the same dog. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 26 Noiembrie 2008


A man is dying of Cancer. His son asked him, "Dad, why do you keep telling people you're dying of AIDS?"
Answer: "So when I'm dead no one will dare touch your mom!" ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 5 Octombrie 2006


A school teacher sends this note to all parents on the first day of school: "If you promise not to believe everything your child says happens at school, I'll promise not to believe everything he says happens at home." ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Duminica, 27 Ianuarie 2008