People who do lots of work... make lots of mistakes. People who do less work... make less mistakes. People who do no work......
proposed: 10 Jan 2005
Depression in the age of global
outsourcing: I was feeling depressed the
other day, so I called LifeLine. They
had recently outsourced, so I was put
through to their new Call Center in
Pakistan.
I explained that I was
feeling suicidal. They were very excited
to hear this and wanted to know if I
could drive a truck or fly an
airplane....
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Monday, 12 November 2007
In a class on abnormal psychology, the
instructor was about to introduce the
subject of manic depression.
The
instructor asked, "How would you
diagnose a patient who walks back and
forth, screaming at the top of his lungs
one minute, then sits in a chair weeping
uncontrollably the next?"
A young
man in the rear raised his hand and
suggested earnestly, "A basketball
coach?"
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Monday, 4 December 2006
There were these three nuns that were
killed in a traffic accident, and
immediately sent to the Pearly Gates.
As St. Peter was looking over their
files, he said, "You ladies have been
very good, but before I can let you in,
you have to answer a question." So he
asks the first nun,
- "What was the
name of the first man that God created?"
- "Adam," she replied. The lights
started flashing,
... read all Bancuri in Engleza (English) Monday, 5 June 2006
TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence
starting with 'I.'
MILLIE: I is..
TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say,
'I am.'
MILLIE: All right... 'I am
the ninth letter of the alphabet.'
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Wednesday, 26 November 2008
Hung Chow calls work and says:
-
Hey, boss I no come work today, I really
sick. I got headache, stomach ache and
my legs hurt, I no come work.
The
boss says:
- You know Hung Chow, I
really need you today. When I feel like
that I go to my wife and tell her to
sing for me. That makes everything
better and I go work. You try that.
Two hours later Hung Chow calls
again:
- Boss, I do what you say
... read all Bancuri in Engleza (English) Wednesday, 16 March 2005
A new young bride calls her mother in
tears.
She sobs:
- Robert
doesn't appreciate what I do for
him.
- Now, now,. ..her mother
comforted, I am sure it was all just a
misunderstanding.
- No, mother, you
don't understand. I bought a frozen
turkey roll and he yelled and screamed
at me about the price!
- Well, the
nerve of that lousy cheapskate! says her
mom. Those turkey rolls are only
... read all Bancuri in Engleza (English) Tuesday, 12 April 2005
A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets
pulled over by a Cop. Being a typical
lawyer, he thinks he is smarter than the
Cop so he decides to have some fun at
the Cop's expense.
Cop says:
-
License and registration, please.
Lawyer says:
- What for?
Cop
says:
- You didn't come to a
complete stop at the stop sign.
Lawyer says:
- I slowed down,
and no one was coming.
Cop says:
- Exactly! License
... read all Bancuri in Engleza (English) Tuesday, 22 November 2005
A psychiatrist was conducting a group
therapy session with four young mothers
and their small children...
- You
all have obsessions, he observed.
To
the first mother, Mary, he said:
-
You are obsessed with eating. You've
even named your daughter Candy.
He
turned to the second Mom, Ann:
-
Your obsession is money. Again, it
manifests itself in your child's name,
Penny.
He turns to the third
... read all Bancuri in Engleza (English) Wednesday, 17 January 2007
Once upon a time in a land far away, a
beautiful, independent, self-assured
princess happened upon a frog as she sat
contemplating ecological issues on the
shores of an unpolluted pond in a
verdant meadow near her castle. The frog
hopped into the princess' lap and said:
- Elegant Lady, I was once a
handsome prince, until an evil witch
cast a spell upon me. One kiss from you,
however, and I will
... read all Bancuri in Engleza (English) Wednesday, 12 September 2007
Dr. Marc Faber, investment guru,
concluded his monthly bulletin (June
2008) with the following comments:
"The federal government is sending
each of us a $600 rebate. If we spend
that money at Wal-Mart, the money goes
to China. If we spend it on gasoline it
goes to the Arabs. If we buy a computer,
it will go to India. If we purchase
fruits and vegetables it will go to
Mexico, Honduras and
... read all Bancuri in Engleza (English) Friday, 3 April 2009
"I just don't understand it", an Irish
footballer complained... "One match I
play very well, and then the next match
I'm terrible".
"Well", said his
wife, "why don't you just play every
other match?"
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Wednesday, 30 April 2008
I am rejecting your rejection
Dear Sir / Madam
Thank you for
your letter of 4 September 2003. After
careful consideration I regret to inform
you that I am unable to accept your
refusal to offer me employment with your
company. This year I have been
particularly fortunate in receiving an
unusually large number of rejection
letters. With such a varied and
promising field of candidates it is
... read all Bancuri in Engleza (English) Tuesday, 8 March 2005
Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is your
emergency?
Caller: I heard what
sounded like gunshots coming from the
brown house on the corner.
Dispatcher: Do you have an address?
Caller: No, I have on a blouse and
slacks, why?
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 12 April 2007
I've sure gotten old. I've had two
bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, and
new knees. Fought prostate cancer and
diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear
anything quieter than a jet engine, and
take 40 different medications that make
me dizzy, winded, and subject to
blackouts. Have bouts with dementia.
Have poor circulation; hardly feel my
hands and feet anymore. Can't remember
if I'm 85 or 92. Have
... read all Bancuri in Engleza (English) Monday, 11 December 2006