Ce ar putea intelege cineva care nu stie engleza atunci cand te aude spunand: I can't believe you. Raspuns: Ai Kent, ba...

Joke from category: Bancuri in Engleza (English)

proposed: 11 Nov 2014

Ce ar putea intelege cineva care nu stie engleza atunci cand te aude spunand: "I can't believe you."
Raspuns: "Ai Kent, ba Liviu?"

A dog walks into an employment agency and says: - I'd like to get a job please. The guy at the employment agency says: - Wow, you could easily get a job at the circus, with your talents! [...]
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On the first day of school, the teacher asked a student: - What are your parents' names? The student replied: - My father's name is Laughing and my mother's name is Smiling. [...]
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A guy dies and is sent to Hell. Satan meets him, shows him doors to three rooms, and says he must choose one spend eternity in.
In the first room, people are standing in shit up to their necks. The guy says "no, let me see the next room."
In the second room, people are standing with shit up to their noses. Guy says no again.
Finally, Satan opens the door to the third room. People are standing ... read all

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 2 February 2006


Bill and Diane were in a terrible accident and Diane's face was severely burned.

The doctor told Bill that they couldn't graft any skin from her body because she was too skinny.

So Bill offered to donate some of his own skin. However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from his buttocks.

The husband and wife agreed that they would ... read all

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Tuesday, 31 August 2004


THE WORLD'S SHORTEST FAIRY TALE:
Once upon a time a guy asked a girl: "Will you marry me?" The girl said "NO!" And the guy lived happily ever after and went fishing, hunting and played golf a lot and drank beer and farted whenever he wanted.
THE END ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Monday, 16 January 2006


Q: What's the difference between biology and sociology?
A: When the baby looks like his dad or mom, then it is biology. When the baby looks like the neighbour, then it is sociology. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Monday, 5 February 2007


A statistician, who refused to fly after reading of the alarmingly high probability that there will be a bomb on any given plane, realized that the probability of there being two bombs on any given flight is very low. Now, whenever he flies, he carries a bomb with him. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Tuesday, 7 February 2006


If Adam and Eve were Chinese we would still be in paradise because they would have ignored the apple and eaten the snake. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 24 February 2005


- Are you sure this is british beef?
- Of horse it is! ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 18 April 2013


An English professor wrote the words :
"A woman without her man is nothing"
on the chalkboard and asked his students to punctuate it correctly.

All of the males in the class wrote:
"A woman, without her man, is nothing."


All the females in the class wrote:
"A woman: without her, man is nothing."

Punctuation is powerful ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Tuesday, 31 August 2004


What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?
Mechanical Engineers build weapons and Civil Engineers build targets. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 31 March 2005


In an airplane the captain tells the passengers:
- This is your captain speaking. We are losing altitude and we do not have enough fuel to reach land. Therefore, we have to let all the baggage leave the airplane.
The airplane gains altitude again. Half an hour later the airplane begins losing altitude again and the captain is on the loudspeakers once more:
- This is your captain speaking. We ... read all

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Monday, 31 July 2006


A man follows a woman out of a movie theatre. She has a dog on a leash. He stops her and says, "I'm sorry to bother you, but I couldn't help but notice that your dog was really into the movie. He cried at the right spots, he moved nervously in his seat at the boring parts, but most of all, he laughed like crazy at the funny parts. Did you find that unusual?"
"Yes," she replied, "I found ... read all

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Monday, 18 October 2004


First-year students at Texas A&M's Vet School were receiving theirfirst anatomy class, with a real dead cow. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet. The professor started the class by telling them:
- In vet medicine it is necessary to have two important qualities as a doctor: the first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the animal ... read all

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Wednesday, 2 May 2007


The 3 fastest ways of communication in the world are:
3. Tele-fax
2. Tele-phone
1. Tell-a-woman
Need it faster? Ask her not to tell anyone! ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Sunday, 24 June 2007


My girlfriend called me as she was driving to an appointment. She arrived, and I could tell from her voice that she was getting frustrated. Finally she said:
- I know I had my cell phone with me. And
now I can't find it!
I replied:
- Aren't you talking on it!?
There was a solid period of stunned silence as the reality of the situation sank in - followed by:
- You are NOT going to tell ... read all

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Friday, 1 February 2008


A ragged individual stranded for several months on a small desert island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean noticed a bottle lying in the sand with a piece of paper in it. Rushing to the bottle, he pulled out the cork and with shaking hands withdrew the message.
"Due to lack of maintenance," he read, "we regretfully have found it necessary to cancel your e-mail account." ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Wednesday, 23 May 2007