I'm sorry that you haven't gotten much email from me lately. It's because I'm tired. For a couple years I've been blaming it on...

Joke from category: Bancuri in Engleza (English)

proposed: 18 Oct 2004

I'm sorry that you haven't gotten much email from me lately. It's because I'm tired. For a couple years I've been blaming it on iron poor blood, lack of vitamins, dieting and a dozen other maladies. But now I found out the real reason. I'm tired because I'm overworked.
The population of this country is 237 million. 104 million are retired. That leaves 133 million to do the work.
There are 85 million in school, which leave 48 million to do the work. Of this there are 29 million employed by the federal government. This leaves 19 million to do the work.
Four million are in the Armed Forces, which leaves 15 million to do the work.
Take from the total the 14,800,000 people who work for State and City Government and that leaves 200,000 to do the work.
There are 188,000 in hospitals, so that leaves 12,000 to do the work.
Now, there are 11,998 people in Prisons. That leaves just two people to do the work.
You and me.
And you're sitting there reading humor email. No wonder I'm tired; I'm the doing ALL of the work myself.

Friends of women: A wife was not at home for a whole night. So she tells her husband, the very next morning, that she stayed at her girlfriend's apartment over night. So the husband calls 10 [...]
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THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN
DRUNK:
1. Innovative
2. Preliminary
3. Proliferation
4. Cinnamon

THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY
WHEN DRUNK:
1. Specificity
2. ...THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK: 1. Innovative 2. Preliminary 3. Proliferation 4. Cinnamon THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK: 1. Specificity 2. Anti-constitutionalistically 3. Passive-aggressive disorder 4. Tran substantiate THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN DRUNK: 1. No thanks, I'm married. 2. Nope, no more booze for me! 3. Sorry, but you're not really ... read all

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 22 May 2008


Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What's the nature of your emergency? Caller: My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart! Dispatcher: Is this her first child? Caller: This is her husband! ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 12 April 2007


A baby polar bear comes up to his mother and asks, "Momma, am I a polar bear?" "Why, yes, son, of course you are a polar bear," she replies, sending him out to play. Several minutes later, he returns. "Momma, are you absolutely sure I am a polar bear?" "Yes, son, absolutely sure. Now go and play." Several minutes later, he returns asking, "Momma, you're sure I'm 100% polar bear?" "Yes, son, ... read all

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Wednesday, 13 August 2008


Dr. Marc Faber, investment guru, concluded his monthly bulletin (June 2008) with the following comments: "The federal government is sending each of us a $600 rebate. If we spend that money at Wal-Mart, the money goes to China. If we spend it on gasoline it goes to the Arabs. If we buy a computer, it will go to India. If we purchase fruits and vegetables it will go to Mexico, Honduras and ... read all

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Friday, 3 April 2009


Robert went to his lawyer and said: - I would like to make a will, but I don't know exactly how to go about it. The lawyer smiled at Robert and replied: - Not a problem, leave it all to me. Robert looked somewhat upset and said: - Well, I knew you were going to take a big portion, but I would like to leave a little to my family too! ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Wednesday, 8 June 2011


I am not sure exactly how this works,
but this is amazingly accurate. 
The picture below has two identical
dolphins in it. It was used in a case
study on stress levels at the Mayo
Clinic and later at ...I am not sure exactly how this works, but this is amazingly accurate. The picture below has two identical dolphins in it. It was used in a case study on stress levels at the Mayo Clinic and later at Fletcher Medical Center in Burlington. Look at both dolphins jumping out of the water. The dolphins are identical. A closely monitored, scientific study revealed that, in spite of the fact that the ... read all

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Tuesday, 25 March 2008


A man drinks a shot of whisky every night before bed. After years of this, his wife wants him to quit; she gets two shot glasses, filling one with water and the other with whisky. After getting him to the table that has the glasses, she brings his bait box. She says, "I want you to see this." She puts a worm in the water, and it swims around. She puts a worm in the whisky, and the worm dies ... read all

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Friday, 8 December 2006


Stephen Spielberg is casting for a new film based around the great composers. Anyway to give the film a twist and some "oomph" he decides to cast the parts to the great action heroes of today. He calls Stallone, Arnie, Bruce Willis and Seagal into his office to hear who they would like to play. - Well, started Stallone, I've always admired Mozart. I would love to play him. - Chopin has always ... read all

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Wednesday, 23 November 2005


Q: Tarzan and the animals went to the river to take a bath. Tarzan removed his clothes. All the animals laughed. Tarzan asked "Why"? A: The animals told him. Your tail is in front". ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Monday, 5 February 2007


I am passing this on to you because it definitely worked for me and we all could use more calm in our lives. By following the simple advice I heard on a Dr. Phil show, I have finally found inner peace. Dr. Phil proclaimed, "The way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you've started." So I looked around my house to see all the things I started and hadn't finished, and before ... read all

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Monday, 30 May 2005


Mr. Gable had a leak in the roof over his dining room, so he called a repairman to take a look at it. "When did you first notice the leak?" the repairman inquired. Mr. Gable scowled. "Last night, when it took me two hours to finish my soup!" ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 12 October 2006


- Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were awarded medals of honor for courage. ...?...? How many is a brazillion? ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Tuesday, 11 October 2005


A woman in our diet club was lamenting that she had gained weight. She'd made her family's favorite cake over the weekend, she reported, and they'd eaten half of it at dinner. The next day, she said, she kept staring at the other half, until finally she cut a thin slice for herself. One slice led to another, and soon the whole cake was gone. The woman went on to tell us how upset she was with ... read all

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Monday, 2 October 2006


A real estate agent had just closed his first deal, only to discover that the piece of land he had sold was completely under water. "That customer's going to come back here pretty mad," he said to his boss. "Should I give him his money back?" "Money back?" roared the boss. "What kind of salesman are you? Get out there and sell him a houseboat!" ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 2 November 2006


Concerned about fitness in my middle 40s, I enrolled in an aerobics class. To my dismay I walked into a room filled with much younger women and decided to combat my nervousness with humor. "I'm here to do my postnatal exercises." The instructor gave me an appraising look. "How old is your baby?" "Twenty-six," I replied. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Wednesday, 13 February 2008