Phrases For Your Out-Of-The-Office E-Mail Auto-Reply: - I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I...
proposed: 18 Oct 2004
Phrases For Your "Out-Of-The-Office"
E-Mail Auto-Reply: Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy.
- I am
currently out at a job interview and
will reply to you if I fail to get the
position. Be prepared for my mood.
- I'm not really out of the office.
I'm just ignoring you.
are receiving this automatic
notification because I am out of the
office. If I was in, chances are you
wouldn't have received anything at all.
- Sorry to have missed you but
I am at the doctors having my brain
removed so that I may be promoted to
- I will be unable
to delete all the unread, worthless
emails you send me until I return from
vacation on 4/18. Please be patient and
your mail will be deleted in the order
it was received.
- Thank you
for your email. Your credit card has
been charged $5.99 for the first ten
words and $1.99 for each additional word
in your message.
- The e-mail
server is unable to verify your server
connection and is unable to deliver this
message. Please restart your computer
and try sending again. 'The beauty of it
is that when I return, I can see how
many in-duh-viduals did this over and
- Thank you for your
message, which has been added to a
- You are
currently in 352nd place, and can expect
to receive a reply in approximately 19
- Please reply to this
e-mail so I will know that you got this
- I am on holiday.
Your e-mail has been deleted.
Hi. I'm thinking about what you've just
sent me. Please wait by your PC for my
- Hi! I'm busy
negotiating the salary for my new job.
Don't bother to leave me any messages.
- I've run away to join a
FINALLY, ABSOLUTELY THE BEST:
be out of the office for the next 2
weeks for medical reasons. When I
return, please refer to me as 'Loretta'
instead of 'Steve'.'
previous joke I'm sorry that you haven't gotten much email from me lately. It's because I'm tired. For a couple years I've been blaming it on iron poor blood, lack of vitamins, dieting and a dozen other maladies. [...]
I'm sorry that you haven't
gotten much email from me lately.
It's because I'm tired. For a
couple years I've been blaming it on
iron poor blood, lack of vitamins,
dieting and a dozen other maladies. But
now I found out the real reason. I'm
tired because I'm overworked.
The population of this country is
237 million. 104 million are retired.
That leaves 133 million to ... read all
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Monday, 18 October 2004
All eyes were on the radiant bride as
her father escorted her down the aisle.
They reached the altar and the waiting
groom; the bride kissed her father and
placed something in his hand. The guests
in the front pews, and the minister,
responded with ripples of laughter. As
her father gave her away in marriage,
the bride had given him back his credit
card. ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Tuesday, 28 November 2006
A blonde woman goes into a department
store and tells the salesman she wants a
pair of pink curtains. He assures her
they have a good selection of pink
curtains. He shows her many kinds and
different fabrics of curtains she
finally picks out a pink floral pattern.
The salesman asks, "What size do you
She says, "15 inch."
exclaims, "15 INCHES! What room are they
She says, "It's ... read all
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 24 November 2005
Dr. Marc Faber, investment guru,
concluded his monthly bulletin (June
2008) with the following comments:
"The federal government is sending
each of us a $600 rebate. If we spend
that money at Wal-Mart, the money goes
to China. If we spend it on gasoline it
goes to the Arabs. If we buy a computer,
it will go to India. If we purchase
fruits and vegetables it will go to
Mexico, Honduras and ... read all
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Friday, 3 April 2009
There are 2 people always next to you:
The Manager, smiling pleasantly to
hide evil intentions!
Leader, busy figuring out what work to
dump on you next...
YOU, who struggles with it all! ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Sunday, 22 June 2008
Three kids come down to the kitchen and
sit around the breakfast table. The
mother asks the oldest boy what he would
like to eat.
- I would have some
****** French toast, he says.
mother is outraged at his language, hits
him, and sends him upstairs. She asks
the middle child what he wants.
Well, I guess that leaves more *******
French toast for me, he says.
livid, smacks him, and ... read all
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 2 February 2006
An elderly gentleman had serious hearing
problems for a number of years. He went
to the doctor and the doctor was able to
have him fitted for a set of hearing
aids that allowed the gentleman to hear
The elderly gentleman
went back in a month to the doctor and
the doctor said:
- Your hearing is
perfect. Your family must be really
pleased that you can hear again.
To which the gentleman ... read all
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Tuesday, 19 November 2013
From a strictly mathematical viewpoint
it goes like this:
100%? What does it mean to give MORE
than 100%? Ever wonder about those
people who say they are giving more than
100%? We have all been to those meetings
where someone wants you to give over
100%. How about achieving 103%? What
makes up 100% in life?
Here's a little mathematical
formula that might help you answer these ... read all
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Tuesday, 2 November 2004
- Bless me Father, for I have sinned
with a woman.
The priest asks, "Is
that you, little Johnny Parisi?"
Yes, Father, it is.
- And who was
the woman you were with?
- I can't
tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin
- Well, Johnny, I'm
sure to find out her name sooner or
later, so you may as well tell me now.
Was it Tina Minetti?
- I cannot say.
- Was it Teresa Volpe?
- ... read all
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Friday, 6 October 2006
One spelling mistake can destroy your
A husband wrote a message to
his wife on his business trip and forgot
add 'e' at the end of a word...
"I am having such a wonderful time!
I wish you were her..." ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 7 April 2011
Students at a school were asked to write
about the harmful effects of oil on
One 11-year-old wrote, "When
my mom opened a tin of sardines last
night, it was full of oil and all the
sardines were dead." ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Friday, 4 May 2007
Bono is at a U2 concert in Dublin when
he asks the audience for some quiet.
Then, in the silence, he starts to
slowly clap his hands.
He says into
the microphone, in a deep solemn
"Just for a moment, think
outside yourself... Outside this
arena... Every time I clap my hands, a
child in Africa dies."
A loud Irish
voice from near the front pierces the
"Well, ya ****** ****, ... read all
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Friday, 27 October 2006
Drug-dealers vs software developers.
Drug dealers - Refer to their
clients as "users".
developers - Refer to their clients as
Drug dealers - "The
first one's free!"
developers - "Download a free trial
Drug dealers -
Have important South-East Asian
connections (to help move the stuff).
Software developers - Have important
South-East Asian ... read all
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Friday, 28 April 2006