Phrases For Your Out-Of-The-Office E-Mail Auto-Reply: - I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I...

Joke from category: Bancuri in Engleza (English)

proposed: 18 Oct 2004

Phrases For Your "Out-Of-The-Office" E-Mail Auto-Reply:

- I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Be prepared for my mood.

- I'm not really out of the office. I'm just ignoring you.

- You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at all.

- Sorry to have missed you but I am at the doctors having my brain removed so that I may be promoted to management

- I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send me until I return from vacation on 4/18. Please be patient and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.

- Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first ten words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.

- The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending again. 'The beauty of it is that when I return, I can see how many in-duh-viduals did this over and over.

- Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system.

- You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.

- Please reply to this e-mail so I will know that you got this message.

- I am on holiday. Your e-mail has been deleted.

- Hi. I'm thinking about what you've just sent me. Please wait by your PC for my response.

- Hi! I'm busy negotiating the salary for my new job. Don't bother to leave me any messages.

- I've run away to join a different circus.

- AND, FINALLY, ABSOLUTELY THE BEST:
I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for medical reasons. When I return, please refer to me as 'Loretta' instead of 'Steve'.'

Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy.
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I'm sorry that you haven't gotten much email from me lately. It's because I'm tired. For a couple years I've been blaming it on iron poor blood, lack of vitamins, dieting and a dozen other maladies. [...]
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I'm sorry that you haven't gotten much email from me lately. It's because I'm tired. For a couple years I've been blaming it on iron poor blood, lack of vitamins, dieting and a dozen other maladies. But now I found out the real reason. I'm tired because I'm overworked.
The population of this country is 237 million. 104 million are retired. That leaves 133 million to ... read all

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Monday, 18 October 2004


All eyes were on the radiant bride as her father escorted her down the aisle. They reached the altar and the waiting groom; the bride kissed her father and placed something in his hand. The guests in the front pews, and the minister, responded with ripples of laughter. As her father gave her away in marriage, the bride had given him back his credit card. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Tuesday, 28 November 2006


Ce ar putea intelege cineva care nu stie engleza atunci cand te aude spunand: "I can't believe you."
Raspuns: "Ai Kent, ba Liviu?" ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Tuesday, 11 November 2014


A blonde woman goes into a department store and tells the salesman she wants a pair of pink curtains. He assures her they have a good selection of pink curtains. He shows her many kinds and different fabrics of curtains she finally picks out a pink floral pattern.
The salesman asks, "What size do you need?"
She says, "15 inch."
He exclaims, "15 INCHES! What room are they for?"
She says, "It's ... read all

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 24 November 2005


Dr. Marc Faber, investment guru, concluded his monthly bulletin (June 2008) with the following comments:
"The federal government is sending each of us a $600 rebate. If we spend that money at Wal-Mart, the money goes to China. If we spend it on gasoline it goes to the Arabs. If we buy a computer, it will go to India. If we purchase fruits and vegetables it will go to Mexico, Honduras and ... read all

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Friday, 3 April 2009


There are 2 people always next to you:
<br>The Manager, smiling pleasantly to
hide evil intentions! <br>The Team
Leader, busy figuring out what work to
dump on you next... <br>And, there's
YOU, who struggles ...There are 2 people always next to you:
The Manager, smiling pleasantly to hide evil intentions!
The Team Leader, busy figuring out what work to dump on you next...
And, there's YOU, who struggles with it all! ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Sunday, 22 June 2008


Three kids come down to the kitchen and sit around the breakfast table. The mother asks the oldest boy what he would like to eat.
- I would have some ****** French toast, he says.
The mother is outraged at his language, hits him, and sends him upstairs. She asks the middle child what he wants.
- Well, I guess that leaves more ******* French toast for me, he says.
She is livid, smacks him, and ... read all

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 2 February 2006


An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.

The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said:
- Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.

To which the gentleman ... read all

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Tuesday, 19 November 2013


From a strictly mathematical viewpoint it goes like this:

What Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life?

Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these ... read all

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Tuesday, 2 November 2004


Q: How can you tell an extroverted mathematician?
A: He stares at YOUR shoes while talking to you. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Wednesday, 30 April 2008


- Bless me Father, for I have sinned with a woman.
The priest asks, "Is that you, little Johnny Parisi?"
- Yes, Father, it is.
- And who was the woman you were with?
- I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation.
- Well, Johnny, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later, so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?
- I cannot say.
- Was it Teresa Volpe?
- ... read all

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Friday, 6 October 2006


One spelling mistake can destroy your life!
A husband wrote a message to his wife on his business trip and forgot to
add 'e' at the end of a word...
"I am having such a wonderful time! I wish you were her..." ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 7 April 2011


Students at a school were asked to write about the harmful effects of oil on fish.
One 11-year-old wrote, "When my mom opened a tin of sardines last night, it was full of oil and all the sardines were dead." ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Friday, 4 May 2007


Bono is at a U2 concert in Dublin when he asks the audience for some quiet.
Then, in the silence, he starts to slowly clap his hands.
He says into the microphone, in a deep solemn voice...
"Just for a moment, think outside yourself... Outside this arena... Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies."
A loud Irish voice from near the front pierces the moment...
"Well, ya ****** ****, ... read all

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Friday, 27 October 2006


Drug-dealers vs software developers.

Drug dealers - Refer to their clients as "users".
Software developers - Refer to their clients as "users".

Drug dealers - "The first one's free!"
Software developers - "Download a free trial version..."

Drug dealers - Have important South-East Asian connections (to help move the stuff).
Software developers - Have important South-East Asian ... read all

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Friday, 28 April 2006