Phrases For Your Out-Of-The-Office E-Mail Auto-Reply: - I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I...
proposed: 18 Oct 2004
Phrases For Your "Out-Of-The-Office"
E-Mail Auto-Reply: Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy.
- I am
currently out at a job interview and
will reply to you if I fail to get the
position. Be prepared for my mood.
- I'm not really out of the office.
I'm just ignoring you.
are receiving this automatic
notification because I am out of the
office. If I was in, chances are you
wouldn't have received anything at all.
- Sorry to have missed you but
I am at the doctors having my brain
removed so that I may be promoted to
- I will be unable
to delete all the unread, worthless
emails you send me until I return from
vacation on 4/18. Please be patient and
your mail will be deleted in the order
it was received.
- Thank you
for your email. Your credit card has
been charged $5.99 for the first ten
words and $1.99 for each additional word
in your message.
- The e-mail
server is unable to verify your server
connection and is unable to deliver this
message. Please restart your computer
and try sending again. 'The beauty of it
is that when I return, I can see how
many in-duh-viduals did this over and
- Thank you for your
message, which has been added to a
- You are
currently in 352nd place, and can expect
to receive a reply in approximately 19
- Please reply to this
e-mail so I will know that you got this
- I am on holiday.
Your e-mail has been deleted.
Hi. I'm thinking about what you've just
sent me. Please wait by your PC for my
- Hi! I'm busy
negotiating the salary for my new job.
Don't bother to leave me any messages.
- I've run away to join a
FINALLY, ABSOLUTELY THE BEST:
be out of the office for the next 2
weeks for medical reasons. When I
return, please refer to me as 'Loretta'
instead of 'Steve'.'
previous joke I'm sorry that you haven't gotten much email from me lately. It's because I'm tired. For a couple years I've been blaming it on iron poor blood, lack of vitamins, dieting and a dozen other maladies. [...]
Depression in the age of global
outsourcing: I was feeling depressed the
other day, so I called LifeLine. They
had recently outsourced, so I was put
through to their new Call Center in
I explained that I was
feeling suicidal. They were very excited
to hear this and wanted to know if I
could drive a truck or fly an
airplane.... ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Monday, 12 November 2007
An American tourist in London found
himself needing to take a leak,
something terrible. After a long search
he just couldn't find any public
bathroom to relieve himself. So he went
down one of the side streets to take
care of business. Just as he was
unzipping, a London police officer
"Look here, old chap,
what are you doing?" the officer asked."
"I'm sorry," the American ... read all
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Tuesday, 31 August 2004
A big earthquake with the strength of
8.1 on the Richter scale hits Mexico.
Two million Mexicans have died and over
a million are injured. The country is
totally ruined and the government
doesn't know where to start with asking
for help to rebuild.
The rest of the
world is in shock.
sending troopers to help the Mexican
army control the riots.
Arabia is sending oil.
Other ... read all
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Wednesday, 31 May 2006
Students at a school were asked to write
about the harmful effects of oil on
One 11-year-old wrote, "When
my mom opened a tin of sardines last
night, it was full of oil and all the
sardines were dead." ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Friday, 4 May 2007
A man called home to his wife and said,
"Honey I have been asked to go
fishing up in Canada with my boss &
several of his friends. We'll be
gone for a week. This is a good
opportunity for me to get that promotion
I've been wanting so could you
please pack enough clothes for a week
and set out my rod and fishing box?
We're leaving from the office & I
will swing by the house to pick ... read all
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Monday, 18 October 2004
A statistician, who refused to fly after
reading of the alarmingly high
probability that there will be a bomb on
any given plane, realized that the
probability of there being two bombs on
any given flight is very low. Now,
whenever he flies, he carries a bomb
with him. ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Tuesday, 7 February 2006
News from Heaven: Due to the current
financial crisis facing the world at the
moment, the light at the end of the
tunnel will be switched off to save on
electricity costs, until further notice.
God ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Friday, 21 November 2008
If you love something, set it free. If
it comes back, itwill always be yours.
If it doesn't come back, it was never
yours to begin with. But, if it just
sits in your living room, messes up your
stuff, eats your food, uses your
telephone, takes your money, and doesn't
appear to realize that you had set it
free... You either married it or gave
birth to it ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 9 August 2007
A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets
pulled over by a Cop. Being a typical
lawyer, he thinks he is smarter than the
Cop so he decides to have some fun at
the Cop's expense.
License and registration, please.
- What for?
- You didn't come to a
complete stop at the stop sign.
- I slowed down,
and no one was coming.
- Exactly! License ... read all
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Tuesday, 22 November 2005
A wife asked her husband: "What do you
like most in me, my pretty face or my
He looked at her from
head to toes and replied after a pause:
"I like your sense of humor!" ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Monday, 10 January 2005
Our pastor, an avid golfer, was once
taking part in a local tournament. As he
was preparing to tee off, the organizer
of the tournament approached him and
pointed to the dark, threatening storm
clouds that were gathering.
"Preacher," the organizer said, "I
trust you'll see to it that the weather
won't turn bad on us."
shook his head. "Sorry," he replied.
"I'm sales, not management!" ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Wednesday, 29 October 2008
Hung Chow calls work and says:
Hey, boss I no come work today, I really
sick. I got headache, stomach ache and
my legs hurt, I no come work.
- You know Hung Chow, I
really need you today. When I feel like
that I go to my wife and tell her to
sing for me. That makes everything
better and I go work. You try that.
Two hours later Hung Chow calls
- Boss, I do what you say ... read all
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Wednesday, 16 March 2005
At a U2 concert in Ireland, Bono (the
lead singer) asks the audience for some
quiet. Then he starts to slowly clap his
hands. Holding the audience in total
silence, he says into the microphone...
"I want you to think about
something. Every time I clap my hands, a
child in Africa dies."
A voice from
the front of the audience yells out...
"Then ****** stop clapping, ya
********!" ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Tuesday, 19 June 2007