Phrases For Your Out-Of-The-Office E-Mail Auto-Reply: - I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I...

Joke from category: Bancuri in Engleza (English)

proposed: 18 Oct 2004

Phrases For Your "Out-Of-The-Office" E-Mail Auto-Reply:

- I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Be prepared for my mood.

- I'm not really out of the office. I'm just ignoring you.

- You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at all.

- Sorry to have missed you but I am at the doctors having my brain removed so that I may be promoted to management

- I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send me until I return from vacation on 4/18. Please be patient and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.

- Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first ten words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.

- The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending again. 'The beauty of it is that when I return, I can see how many in-duh-viduals did this over and over.

- Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system.

- You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.

- Please reply to this e-mail so I will know that you got this message.

- I am on holiday. Your e-mail has been deleted.

- Hi. I'm thinking about what you've just sent me. Please wait by your PC for my response.

- Hi! I'm busy negotiating the salary for my new job. Don't bother to leave me any messages.

- I've run away to join a different circus.

- AND, FINALLY, ABSOLUTELY THE BEST:
I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for medical reasons. When I return, please refer to me as 'Loretta' instead of 'Steve'.'

Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy.
previous joke
I'm sorry that you haven't gotten much email from me lately. It's because I'm tired. For a couple years I've been blaming it on iron poor blood, lack of vitamins, dieting and a dozen other maladies. [...]
next joke

A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children...
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Bancuri in Engleza (English) Wednesday, 17 January 2007


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Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 5 October 2006


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The man told his doctor that he wasn't able to do all the things around the house that he used to do. When the examination was complete, he said:
- Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell me in plain English what is wrong with me.
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Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 2 June 2011


Error messages:
1. Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue.
2. Press any key to continue or any other key to quit.
3. Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner.
4. This will end your Windows session. Do you want to play another game?
5. Windows message: "Error saving file! Format drive now? (Y/Y)"
6. To "shut down" your system, type "WIN"
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Bancuri in Engleza (English) Wednesday, 10 November 2004


Donald Rumsfeld is giving the president Bush his daily briefing. He concludes by saying:
- Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed.
- OH NO!, the president exclaims. That's terrible!
His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the president sits, head in hands.
Finally, president looks up and asks:
- How many is a brazillion? ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Tuesday, 11 October 2005


Tom Thumb, Sleeping Beauty, and Quasimodo were all talking one day.
Sleeping Beauty said:
- I believe myself to be the most beautiful girl in the world.
Tom Thumb said:
- I must be the smallest person in the world.
Quasimodo said:
- I absolutely have to be the ugliest person in the world.

They decided to go to the Guinness Book of World Records to have their claims verified.
Sleeping ... read all

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Tuesday, 15 March 2005


1. Project Manager is a person who thinks nine women can deliver a baby in one month.
2. Developer is a person who thinks it will take 18 months to deliver a baby.
3. Onsite Coordinator is one who thinks a single woman can deliver nine babies in one month.
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5. Marketing Manager is a person who thinks he can deliver a baby even if ... read all

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Monday, 11 April 2005


Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is your emergency?
Caller: I heard what sounded like gunshots coming from the brown house on the corner.
Dispatcher: Do you have an address?
Caller: No, I have on a blouse and slacks, why? ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 12 April 2007


A lawyer and an engineer were fishing in the Caribbean. The lawyer said:
"I'm here because my house burned down, and everything I owned was destroyed by the fire. The insurance company paid for everything."
"That's quite a coincidence," said the engineer. "I'm here because my house and all my belongings were destroyed by a flood, and my insurance company also paid for everything."
The lawyer ... read all

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Wednesday, 4 April 2007


Queen Elizabeth II, George W Bush & Traian Basescu died & went straight to hell.

Queen Elizabeth II said "I miss Britain, I want to call Britain and see how everybody is doing there. She called and talked for about 5 minutes, then her Majesty asked "Well, Devil how much do I owe you? The devil replied "Five million dollars" She wrote him a cheque and went to sit back on her chair.

George ... read all

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Friday, 27 October 2006


A Czech goes to the optician who shows him a card with the letters 'C Z W X N Q S T A C Z'.
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Bancuri in Engleza (English) Tuesday, 31 August 2004


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A real friend opens your refrigerator and helps himself.

A simple friend has never seen you cry.
A real friend has shoulders soggy from your tears.

A simple friend doesn't know your parents'
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A real friend has their phone numbers in his address book.

A simple friend brings a bottle of wine to your party.
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Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 5 May 2005


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Shouting, crying, the mother says, "Who did this to you? I want to know!"
The girl picks up the phone and makes a call. Half an hour later a Ferrari stops in front of their house; a mature ... read all

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Monday, 18 October 2004


Fifteen days ago, I read that smoking can kill you.
The next day I stopped smoking.

Twelve days ago, I read that too much red meat can kill you.
The next day I stopped eating red meat.

Eight days ago, I read that drinking can kill you. The next day I stopped drinking.

Yesterday, I read that having sex can kill you.
This morning I stopped reading. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Monday, 25 April 2005