Phrases For Your Out-Of-The-Office E-Mail Auto-Reply: - I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I...
proposed: 18 Oct 2004
Phrases For Your "Out-Of-The-Office"
E-Mail Auto-Reply: Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy.
- I am
currently out at a job interview and
will reply to you if I fail to get the
position. Be prepared for my mood.
- I'm not really out of the office.
I'm just ignoring you.
are receiving this automatic
notification because I am out of the
office. If I was in, chances are you
wouldn't have received anything at all.
- Sorry to have missed you but
I am at the doctors having my brain
removed so that I may be promoted to
- I will be unable
to delete all the unread, worthless
emails you send me until I return from
vacation on 4/18. Please be patient and
your mail will be deleted in the order
it was received.
- Thank you
for your email. Your credit card has
been charged $5.99 for the first ten
words and $1.99 for each additional word
in your message.
- The e-mail
server is unable to verify your server
connection and is unable to deliver this
message. Please restart your computer
and try sending again. 'The beauty of it
is that when I return, I can see how
many in-duh-viduals did this over and
- Thank you for your
message, which has been added to a
- You are
currently in 352nd place, and can expect
to receive a reply in approximately 19
- Please reply to this
e-mail so I will know that you got this
- I am on holiday.
Your e-mail has been deleted.
Hi. I'm thinking about what you've just
sent me. Please wait by your PC for my
- Hi! I'm busy
negotiating the salary for my new job.
Don't bother to leave me any messages.
- I've run away to join a
FINALLY, ABSOLUTELY THE BEST:
be out of the office for the next 2
weeks for medical reasons. When I
return, please refer to me as 'Loretta'
instead of 'Steve'.'
previous joke I'm sorry that you haven't gotten much email from me lately. It's because I'm tired. For a couple years I've been blaming it on iron poor blood, lack of vitamins, dieting and a dozen other maladies. [...]
A psychiatrist was conducting a group
therapy session with four young mothers
and their small children...
all have obsessions, he observed.
the first mother, Mary, he said:
You are obsessed with eating. You've
even named your daughter Candy.
turned to the second Mom, Ann:
Your obsession is money. Again, it
manifests itself in your child's name,
He turns to the third ... read all
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Wednesday, 17 January 2007
A man is dying of Cancer. His son asked
him, "Dad, why do you keep telling
people you're dying of AIDS?"
Answer: "So when I'm dead no one
will dare touch your mom!" ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 5 October 2006
An engineer dies and reports to Heaven.
St. Peter checks his dossier and says,
"Ah, you're an engineer, you're in the
So the engineer
reports to Hell and is let in. Pretty
soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied
with the level of comfort in Hell, and
starts designing and building
improvements. After a while, they've got
air conditioning and flush toilets and
escalators, and the ... read all
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Wednesday, 4 April 2007
The man told his doctor that he wasn't
able to do all the things around the
house that he used to do. When the
examination was complete, he said:
Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell me in
plain English what is wrong with me.
- Well, in plain English, the doctor
replied, you're just lazy.
said the man. Now give me the medical
term so I can tell my wife. ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 2 June 2011
1. Enter any
11-digit prime number to continue.
2. Press any key to continue or any
other key to quit.
3. Bad command or
file name! Go stand in the corner.
4. This will end your Windows
session. Do you want to play another
5. Windows message: "Error
saving file! Format drive now? (Y/Y)"
6. To "shut down" your system, type
7. BREAKFAST.SYS halted...
Cereal port ... read all
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Wednesday, 10 November 2004
Donald Rumsfeld is giving the president
Bush his daily briefing. He concludes by
- Yesterday, 3 Brazilian
soldiers were killed.
- OH NO!, the
president exclaims. That's terrible!
His staff sits stunned at this
display of emotion, nervously watching
as the president sits, head in hands.
Finally, president looks up and
- How many is a brazillion? ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Tuesday, 11 October 2005
Tom Thumb, Sleeping Beauty, and
Quasimodo were all talking one day.
Sleeping Beauty said:
believe myself to be the most beautiful
girl in the world.
Tom Thumb said:
- I must be the smallest person in
absolutely have to be the ugliest person
in the world.
They decided to
go to the Guinness Book of World Records
to have their claims verified.
Sleeping ... read all
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Tuesday, 15 March 2005
1. Project Manager is a person who
thinks nine women can deliver a baby in
2. Developer is a person
who thinks it will take 18 months to
deliver a baby.
Coordinator is one who thinks a single
woman can deliver nine babies in one
4. Client is the one who
doesn't know why he wants a baby.
5. Marketing Manager is a person who
thinks he can deliver a baby even if ... read all
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Monday, 11 April 2005
Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is your
Caller: I heard what
sounded like gunshots coming from the
brown house on the corner.
Dispatcher: Do you have an address?
Caller: No, I have on a blouse and
slacks, why? ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 12 April 2007
A lawyer and an engineer were fishing in
the Caribbean. The lawyer said:
here because my house burned down, and
everything I owned was destroyed by the
fire. The insurance company paid for
"That's quite a
coincidence," said the engineer. "I'm
here because my house and all my
belongings were destroyed by a flood,
and my insurance company also paid for
The lawyer ... read all
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Wednesday, 4 April 2007
Queen Elizabeth II, George W Bush &
Traian Basescu died & went straight to
Queen Elizabeth II said
"I miss Britain, I want to call Britain
and see how everybody is doing there.
She called and talked for about 5
minutes, then her Majesty asked "Well,
Devil how much do I owe you? The devil
replied "Five million dollars" She wrote
him a cheque and went to sit back on her
George ... read all
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Friday, 27 October 2006
A Czech goes to the optician who shows
him a card with the letters 'C Z W X
N Q S T A C Z'.
"Can you read
this?" the optician asks.
it?" the Czech replies, "I even know the
guy." ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Tuesday, 31 August 2004
A simple friend, when visiting, acts
like a guest.
A real friend opens
your refrigerator and helps himself.
A simple friend has never seen
A real friend has shoulders
soggy from your tears.
friend doesn't know your
friend has their phone numbers in his
A simple friend
brings a bottle of wine to your party.
A real ... read all
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 5 May 2005
An eighteen-year-old girl tells her Mom
that she has missed her period for two
months. Very worried, the mother goes to
the drugstore and buys a pregnancy kit.
The test result shows that the girl is
Shouting, crying, the
mother says, "Who did this to you? I
want to know!"
The girl picks up the
phone and makes a call. Half an hour
later a Ferrari stops in front of their
house; a mature ... read all
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Monday, 18 October 2004
Fifteen days ago, I read that smoking
can kill you.
The next day I stopped
Twelve days ago, I
read that too much red meat can kill
The next day I stopped eating
Eight days ago, I
read that drinking can kill you. The
next day I stopped drinking.
Yesterday, I read that having sex
can kill you.
This morning I stopped
reading. ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Monday, 25 April 2005