A man is waiting in line for a hit movie. Behind him are two women. The usher comes along and says that he has two seats...

Joke from category: Bancuri in Engleza (English)

proposed by: Carp on date: 1 Apr 2008

A man is waiting in line for a hit movie. Behind him are two women. The usher comes along and says that he has two seats together. Seeing the problem, the usher says to the man, "Let them go first. You wouldn't want to separate a woman from her mother, would you?"
The man says, "No, sir. I did that once, and I've been sorry ever since."

I am not sure exactly how this works, but this is amazingly accurate. The picture below has two identical dolphins in it. It was used in a case study on stress levels at the Mayo Clinic [...]
previous joke A man walks along a lonely beach. Suddenly he hears a deep voice: DIG! He looks around; nobody's there. I am having hallucinations, he thinks. Then he hears the voice again: I SAID, DIG! So [...]
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1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans. 2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans. 3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans. 4. The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans. 5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots ... read all

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 11 November 2004


An engineer was crossing a road one-day when a frog called out to him and said: - If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess. He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said: - If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week. The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned ... read all

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 31 March 2005


CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up & down the aisles.. The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him. He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife. She directs him down the correct aisle. A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter. She says, confused, 'Sir, I thought you were ... read all

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Sunday, 30 May 2010


A man called 911 and said, "Someone come quick! My wife fell asleep on the couch with her mouth open and a mouse ran down her throat!" The operator replied, "Calm down, sir. Wave a piece of cheese over her mouth and maybe the mouse will come out. An ambulance is on the way." When the ambulance arrived, the EMT found the man waving a fish over his wife's mouth. "What on earth are you doing?" ... read all

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Wednesday, 13 August 2008


UNDERSTANDING WOMEN (A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE) I know I'm not going to understand women. I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 13 May 2010


I recall a time when my son was about 18 months old. I had him strapped into a backpack and was rushing to catch the bus. Apparently I mis-stepped and fell down an entire flight of stairs (13 to be exact). I was bruised and bleeding and had torn my jeans ... but my main concern was, naturally, for my child. My fears were alleviated, though, when from behind me I heard a gleeful giggle followed ... read all

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Wednesday, 13 August 2008


Lady: Is this my train? Station Master: No, it belongs to the Railway Company. Lady: Don't try to be funny. I mean to ask if I can take this train to New Delhi. Station Master: No Madam, I'm afraid it's too heavy. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Tuesday, 27 February 2007


My grandmother is a computer geek. She also has trouble remembering quickly sometimes. One day she couldn't think of what she wanted to tell us. Mom explained, "Your grandma is trying to retrieve the information, but it is taking awhile. Evidently she hasn't defragmented her hard drive lately." ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Monday, 8 October 2007


Two lawyers arrive at the pub and ordered a couple of drinks. They then take sandwiches from their briefcases and began to eat. Seeing this, the angry publican approaches them and says, 'Excuse me, but you cannot eat your own sandwiches in here!' The two look at each other, shrug and exchange sandwiches. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Wednesday, 8 June 2011


- Pythagorean theorem: 24 words. - The Lord's Prayer: 66 words. - Archimedes' Principle: 67 words. - The 10 Commandments: 179 words. - The Gettysburg address: 286 words. - The Declaration of Independence: 1,300 words. - - - The US Government regulations on the sale of cabbage: 26,911 words!!! - - - ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Tuesday, 10 April 2007


Jack, who is a smart businessman, talks to his son Jack: I want you to marry a girl of my choice Son: "I will choose my own bride!" Jack: "But the girl is Bill Gates's daughter." Son: "Well, in that case..." Next Jack approaches Bill Gates. Jack: "I have a husband for your daughter." Bill Gates: "But my daughter is too young to marry!" Jack: "But this young man is a vice-president of ... read all

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 29 September 2005


A man visited a psychiatrist to talk about his dreams. "Every night," the man said, "I dream that these three hideous monsters are sitting on the edge of my bed, ready to attack me." "Hmmm," said the doctor. "I feel sure I can cure you of this problem. But the treatment will cost you somewhere between twenty-five and thirty thousand dollars." "Thirty thousand dollars!" the man gasped. "Never mind ... read all

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Friday, 9 March 2007


I went to the cinema the other day and in the front row was an old man and with him was his dog. It was a sad funny kind of film, you know the type. In the sad part, the dog cried his eyes out, and in the funny part, the dog laughed its head off. This happened all the way through the film. After the film had ended, I decided to go and speak to the man: - That's the most amazing thing I've seen, I ... read all

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Monday, 14 November 2011


Problem: Expand expression (a+b)n See for yourself what solution our student has found. ... Also our teacher's comment, written with red.Problem: Expand expression (a+b)n See for yourself what solution our student has found. ... Also our teacher's comment, written with red. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 17 August 2006


FEMALE PRAYER Before I lay me down to sleep, I pray for a man, who's not a creep, One who's handsome, smart and strong One who loves to listen long, One who thinks before he speaks, One who'll call, not wait for weeks. I pray he's gainfully employed, When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed. Pulls out my chair and opens my door, Massages me back and begs to do more. Oh! Send me ... read all

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Tuesday, 23 August 2005