After school one day, a young first-grade boy was sitting at the kitchen table, eating his afternoon snack, when he blurted out,...
proposed by: carp on date: 10 Mar 2008
After school one day, a young
first-grade boy was sitting at the
kitchen table, eating his afternoon
snack, when he blurted out, "Mom, the
teacher was asking me today if I have
any brothers or sisters who will be
coming to school."
The boy's mother
replied, "That's nice of her to take
such an interest, dear. What did she say
when you told her you are an only
child?"
She just said, "Thank
goodness!"
Concerned about fitness in my middle 40s, I enrolled in an aerobics class. To my dismay I walked into a room filled with much younger women and decided to combat my nervousness with humor. I'm [...]
previous joke Two mothers are having a conversation about their children one day. - How do you get your Marvin up so early on school mornings? asks Joan. - Oh, that's easy, replies Marianne. I just throw [...]
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A baby polar bear comes up to his mother
and asks, "Momma, am I a polar bear?"
"Why, yes, son, of course you are a
polar bear," she replies, sending him
out to play.
Several minutes later, he returns.
"Momma, are you absolutely sure I am a
polar bear?"
"Yes, son, absolutely sure. Now go and
play."
Several minutes later, he returns
asking, "Momma, you're sure I'm 100%
polar bear?"
"Yes, son,
... read all Bancuri in Engleza (English) Wednesday, 13 August 2008
THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN
DRUNK:
1. Innovative
2. Preliminary
3. Proliferation
4. Cinnamon
THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY
WHEN DRUNK:
1. Specificity
2. Anti-constitutionalistically
3. Passive-aggressive disorder
4. Tran substantiate
THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO
SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. No thanks, I'm married.
2. Nope, no more booze for me!
3. Sorry, but you're not really
... read all Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 22 May 2008
I was out walking with my 4 year old
daughter. She picked up something off
the ground and started to put it in her
mouth. I took the item away from her and
I asked her not to do that. "Why?" my
daughter asked. "Because it's been on
the ground, you don't know where it's
been, it'sdirty and probably has germs"
I replied. At this point, my daughter
looked at me with total admiration and
... read all Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 22 March 2007
One day Jake, a nine-year-old, asked to
pack his own lunch for school. His mom
agreed. But they couldn't agree on what
he should pack, so they both made lists.
This was the mom's list:
One sandwich
One apple
Pretzels
A carton of milk
This was Jake's list:
Candy
Candy
Candy
Jake agreed to compromise. Sure enough,
the next morning, Jake was ready for
school and he packed his lunch. His mom
came
... read all Bancuri in Engleza (English) Friday, 12 January 2007
A hamster and a rat were sitting on the
side of a swimming pool. They were
enjoying the sun. Suddenly the rat
turned to the hamster and asked him:
Dude,
How come people consider me a noisance,
and you a pet?
How come people pay money to have you,
while they are trying to kill me?
How come you are considered a cute
little animal, while I am considered
creepy and disgusting?
How come you live in
... read all Bancuri in Engleza (English) Wednesday, 8 September 2004
A man called home to his wife and said,
"Honey I have been asked to go fishing
up in Canada with my boss & several of
his friends. We'll be gone for a
week. This is a good opportunity for me
to get that promotion I've been
wanting so could you please pack enough
clothes for a week and set out my rod
and fishing box? We're leaving from
the office & I will swing by the house
to pick my
... read all Bancuri in Engleza (English) Monday, 18 October 2004
A crew of highway maintenance workers
was sent to repair some road signs that
vandals had knocked down in a forested
area. The first one they put back up was
a symbol warning of a deer crossing.
As they moved down the road to repair
the next sign, one crew member looked
back and spotted a deer running across
the highway.
She turned to a co-worker and said, "I
wonder how long he's been waiting to
... read all Bancuri in Engleza (English) Monday, 11 June 2007
A linguistics professor was lecturing
his class one day.
- In English, he said, a double negative
forms a positive. In some languages,
though, such as Romanian, a double
negative is still a negative. However,
there is no language wherein a double
positive can form a negative.
A loud voice from the back of the room
piped up:
- Yeah, right.
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Wednesday, 8 June 2011
After school one day, a young
first-grade boy was sitting at the
kitchen table, eating his afternoon
snack, when he blurted out, "Mom, the
teacher was asking me today if I have
any brothers or sisters who will be
coming to school."
The boy's mother replied, "That's nice
of her to take such an interest, dear.
What did she say when you told her you
are an only child?"
She just said, "Thank
... read all Bancuri in Engleza (English) Monday, 10 March 2008
"I just don't understand it", an Irish
footballer complained... "One match I
play very well, and then the next match
I'm terrible".
"Well", said his wife, "why don't you
just play every other match?"
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Wednesday, 30 April 2008
You are driving along in your car on a
wild, stormy night. You pass by a bus
stop, and you see three people waiting
for the bus:
1. An old lady who looks as if she is
about to die.
2. An old friend who once saved your
life.
3. The perfect man (or) woman you have
been dreaming about.
Which one would you choose to offer a
ride to, knowing that there could only
be one passenger in your car.
Think
... read all Bancuri in Engleza (English) Monday, 16 May 2005
Five Jews changed the way you see the
world...
- Moses: The Law is everything.
- Jesus: Love is everything.
- Marx: Money is everything.
- Freud: Sex is everything.
- Einstein: Everything is relative.
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Monday, 14 February 2005
TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical
formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Wednesday, 26 November 2008
FINAL EXAM
The student reports for his university
final examination that consists of
yes/no type questions. He takes his
seat in the examination hall, stares at
the question paper for five minutes and
then, in a fit of inspiration, takes out
a coin and starts tossing it, marking
the answer sheet: Yes, for Heads, and!
No, for Tails. Within half an hour he
is all done, whereas the rest of the
... read all Bancuri in Engleza (English) Tuesday, 31 August 2004