About five years ago, the battery in my beat-up VW Beetle had died because I left the lights on overnight. I was in a hurry to...
proposed: 18 Jan 2008
About five years ago, the battery in my
beat-up VW Beetle had died because I
left the lights on overnight. I was in a
hurry to get to work on time, so I ran
into the house to get my wife to give me
a hand in starting the car.
I
told her to get into our second car, a
prehistoric oversized gas guzzler, and
use it to push my car fast enough to
start it. I pointed out to her that
because the VW had an automatic
transmission, it needed to be pushed at
least 30 MPH for it to start. She said
fine, hopped into her car, and drove
off.
I sat there fuming,
wondering what she could be doing. A
minute passed by, and when I saw her in
the rear view mirror coming at me at
about 40 MPH, I realized that I should
have been a bit more clear with my
directions!
Have you heard of the Air Force's ultra-high-security, super-secret base in Nevada, known simply as Area 51? Well, late one afternoon, the Air Force folks out at Area 51 were [...]
previous joke A school teacher sends this note to all parents on the first day of school: If you promise not to believe everything your child says happens at school, I'll promise not to believe everything he says [...]
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My grandmother is a computer geek. She
also has trouble remembering quickly
sometimes. One day she couldn't think of
what she wanted to tell us.
Mom
explained, "Your grandma is trying to
retrieve the information, but it is
taking awhile. Evidently she hasn't
defragmented her hard drive lately."
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Monday, 8 October 2007
A few years ago, I decided to visit my
brother who was stationed in Germany. I
assumed that most Germans would speak
English. But I found that many people
spoke only their native tongue -
including the ticket inspector on the
train.
He punched my ticket, then
chatted cordially for a bit, making
gestures like a windmill. I simply
nodded from time to time to show him
that I was interested.
When
... read all Bancuri in Engleza (English) Friday, 20 October 2006
I went to the cinema the other day and
in the front row was an old man and with
him was his dog. It was a sad funny kind
of film, you know the type. In the sad
part, the dog cried his eyes out, and in
the funny part, the dog laughed its head
off. This happened all the way through
the film. After the film had ended, I
decided to go and speak to the man:
- That's the most amazing thing I've
seen,
... read all Bancuri in Engleza (English) Monday, 14 November 2011
A cowboy went to an insurance agency to
buy a policy. The agent asked, "Have you
ever had an accident?"
"Nope,"
replied the cowboy. "Last summer, a
bronc kicked in two of my ribs, and a
couple of years ago, a rattlesnake bit
me on the ankle."
"Wouldn't you call
those accidents?" quizzed the puzzled
agent.
"Naw," the cowboy replied.
"They did it on purpose!"
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Wednesday, 15 November 2006
Q: What's the difference between biology
and sociology?
A: When the baby
looks like his dad or mom, then it is
biology. When the baby looks like the
neighbour, then it is sociology.
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Monday, 5 February 2007
When I went to lunch today, I noticed an
old lady near a park bench sobbing her
eyes out. I stopped and asked her what
was wrong.
She said: "I have a 22
year old husband at home. He makes love
to me every morning and then gets up and
makes me pancakes, sausage, fresh fruit
and freshly ground coffee."
I said:
"Well, then why are you crying?"
She
said: "He makes me homemade soup for
lunch and my
... read all Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 24 February 2005
1. The Japanese eat very little fat and
suffer fewer heart attacks than
Americans.
2. The Mexicans eat a lot
of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks
than Americans.
3. The Chinese drink
very little red wine and suffer fewer
heart attacks than Americans.
4. The
Italians drink excessive amounts of red
wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than
Americans.
5. The Germans drink a
lot of beers and eat
... read all Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 11 November 2004
A lady about eight months pregnant got
on a bus. She noticed the man opposite
her was smiling at her. So she
immediately moved to another seat.
This time the smile turned to a
grin, so she moved again. The man seemed
even more amused. When, on the fourth
move, the man burst out laughing, she
complained to the driver and he had the
man arrested.
The case came up in
court. The judge asked the man
... read all Bancuri in Engleza (English) Monday, 2 July 2007
- 25th Wedding Anniversary -
At the
banquet of Tom and Susan's 25th wedding
anniversary, Tom was asked to give his
friends a brief account of the benefits
of a marriage of such long duration.
- Tell us, Tom, just what is it you
have learned from all those wonderful
years with your wife?
Tom responded:
- Well, I've learned that marriage
is the best teacher of all. It teaches
you loyalty,
... read all Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 21 June 2007
Fifteen days ago, I read that smoking
can kill you.
The next day I stopped
smoking.
Twelve days ago, I
read that too much red meat can kill
you.
The next day I stopped eating
red meat.
Eight days ago, I
read that drinking can kill you. The
next day I stopped drinking.
Yesterday, I read that even the air
can kill you.
This morning I stopped
reading.
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Monday, 25 April 2005
Friends of women:
A wife was
not at home for a whole night. So she
tells her husband, the very next
morning, that she stayed at her
girlfriend's apartment over night.
So the husband calls 10 of her best
girlfriends and none of them confirm
that.
Friends of men:
A husband was not at home for a
whole night. So he tells his wife the
very next morning, that he stayed at his
friend's
... read all Bancuri in Engleza (English) Tuesday, 28 September 2004
A boy who was a witness to a crime was
called to testify in court. He was
approached by the defense attorney who
asked, "Did anyone tell you what to say
in court?"
"Yes, sir," answered the
boy.
"I thought so," said the
attorney. "Who was it?"
"My father,
sir."
"And what did he tell you?"
the attorney asked accusingly.
"He
said that the lawyers would try to get
me all tangled up, but if I
... read all Bancuri in Engleza (English) Monday, 13 November 2006