A blonde at the grocery store: - I would like 4 tomatoes, 4 potatoes and 4 onions. - I can help you with the tomatoes and the...
proposed: 14 Jul 2007
A blonde at the grocery store: Woman = Time * Money Time = Money Woman = Money * Money Money = root of all problems Woman = Problems.
would like 4 tomatoes, 4 potatoes and 4
- I can help you with the
tomatoes and the potatoes, but not with
- Ok... than I'll
have 2 tomatoes, 2 potatoes and 2
- I see you don't understand
me: I have tomatoes, I have potatoes,
but I have no onions.
- I see...
then I'll have a tomato, a potato and an
- Ok, let's do this the other
way around. If you take the "mato" out
of the "tomato", what do you have?
- Aaaa... "to"?
- Right, and if
you take the "tato" out of the "potato",
what do you have?
- Aaaa... "po"?
- Excellent, and if you take the
"f***" out of the "onion", what do you
- Aaaa... aaa... but there is
no "f***" in "onion"...
there is no f******' onion!
previous joke When the new patient was settled comfortably on the couch, the psychiatrist began his therapy session. I'm not aware of your problem, the doctor said. So perhaps, you should start at the very [...]
Tom Thumb, Sleeping Beauty, and
Quasimodo were all talking one day.
Sleeping Beauty said:
believe myself to be the most beautiful
girl in the world.
Tom Thumb said:
- I must be the smallest person in
absolutely have to be the ugliest person
in the world.
They decided to
go to the Guinness Book of World Records
to have their claims verified.
Sleeping ... read all
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Tuesday, 15 March 2005
I recall a time when my son was about 18
months old. I had him strapped into a
backpack and was rushing to catch the
bus. Apparently I mis-stepped and fell
down an entire flight of stairs (13 to
be exact). I was bruised and bleeding
and had torn my jeans ... but my main
concern was, naturally, for my child.
My fears were alleviated,
though, when from behind me I heard a
gleeful giggle followed ... read all
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Wednesday, 13 August 2008
CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS
A man walks
into a pharmacy and wanders up & down
The sales girl notices
him and asks him if she can help him. He
answers that he is looking for a box of
tampons for his wife. She directs him
down the correct aisle.
minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of
cotton balls and a ball of string on the
She says, confused, 'Sir, I
thought you were ... read all
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Sunday, 30 May 2010
I am passing this on to you because it
definitely worked for me and we all
could use more calm in our lives. By
following the simple advice I heard on a
Dr. Phil show, I have finally found
inner peace. Dr. Phil proclaimed, "The
way to achieve inner peace is to finish
all the things you've started." So I
looked around my house to see all the
things I started and hadn't
finished, and before ... read all
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Monday, 30 May 2005
Manning the computer help desk for the
local school district was my first job.
And though I was just an intern, I took
the job very seriously. But not every
caller took me seriously.
- Can I
talk to a real person? a caller asked.
- I am real, I said.
- Oh, I'm
sorry, the caller said. That was rude of
me. What I meant to say was, could I
talk to someone who actually knows
something? ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Friday, 14 March 2008
"I just don't understand it", an Irish
footballer complained... "One match I
play very well, and then the next match
"Well", said his
wife, "why don't you just play every
other match?" ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Wednesday, 30 April 2008
A Czech goes to the optician who shows
him a card with the letters 'C Z W X
N Q S T A C Z'.
"Can you read
this?" the optician asks.
it?" the Czech replies, "I even know the
guy." ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Tuesday, 31 August 2004
Three engineering students were gathered
together discussing the possible
designers of the human body.
said, "It was a mechanical engineer."
Just look at all the joints."
Another said, "No, it was an
electrical engineer. The nervous system
has many thousands of electrical
The last one said,
"Actually it must have been a civil
engineer. Who else would run a toxic
waste ... read all
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 31 March 2005
A husband, the owner of a new car, was
somewhat reluctant to allow his wife to
drive his prize possession, even to the
grocery store, which was a few blocks
from the house.
After she insisted,
he finally relented, cautioning her as
she departed, "Remember, if you have an
accident, the newspaper will print your
age." ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 25 September 2008
A new missionary recruit went to
Venezuela for the first time. He was
struggling with the language and didn't
understand a whole lot of what was going
on. Intending to visit one of the local
churches, he got lost, but he eventually
got back on track and found the place.
Having arrived late, the church was
already packed. The only pew left was
the one on the front row.
not to make a fool ... read all
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Wednesday, 21 February 2007
A truck driver had to deliver five
hundred penguins to the state zoo. As he
was driving his truck through the
desert, the truck broke down.
After waiting by the side of the
road for about three hours, he waved
another truck down and offered the
driver $500 to take the penguins to the
state zoo for him.
day, the first truck driver arrived in
town and saw the second truck driver ... read all
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Monday, 3 December 2007
Two cows are conversing in a field. The
first one says to the other, "Have you
heard about this 'mad cow disease' that
is going around?"
The second cow
responds, "Yeah, but I'm not worried
about it; I'm an airplane!" ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Wednesday, 23 July 2008