On a sunny morning, William's mother came into her son's room and said, William, it's Sunday. Time to get up! Time to get up and...
proposed: 14 Jul 2007
On a sunny morning, William's mother
came into her son's room and said,
"William, it's Sunday. Time to get up!
Time to get up and go to church! Get
up!"
From under the covers came
mumbles, "I don't want to go!"
"What
do you mean?" she said. "That's silly!
Now get up and get dressed and go to
church!"
"No!" he shot back. "I'll
give you two reasons. I don't like them
and they don't like me!"
"Nonsense,"
she told him. "I'll give YOU two reasons
to go. First, you are 42 years old, and
second, you are the PASTOR!"
On some air bases, the Air Force is on one side of the field and civilian aircraft use the other side of the field, with the control tower in the middle. One day the tower received a call from an [...]
previous joke When the new patient was settled comfortably on the couch, the psychiatrist began his therapy session. I'm not aware of your problem, the doctor said. So perhaps, you should start at the very [...]
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Robert went to his lawyer and said:
- I would like to make a will, but I
don't know exactly how to go about it.
The lawyer smiled at Robert and
replied:
- Not a problem, leave it
all to me.
Robert looked somewhat
upset and said:
- Well, I knew you
were going to take a big portion, but I
would like to leave a little to my
family too!
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Wednesday, 8 June 2011
This is an actual job application that a
75 year old senior citizen submitted to
Walmart in Arkansas. They hired him
because he was so funny.
- - - - - -
- - - - -
NAME: Kenneth Way (Grumpy
Bastard)
SEX: Not lately, but I am
looking for the right woman (or at least
one who will cooperate)
DESIRED
POSITION: Company's President or Vice
President. But seriously, whatever's
available. If I was in
... read all Bancuri in Engleza (English) Tuesday, 21 November 2006
A few years ago, I decided to visit my
brother who was stationed in Germany. I
assumed that most Germans would speak
English. But I found that many people
spoke only their native tongue -
including the ticket inspector on the
train.
He punched my ticket, then
chatted cordially for a bit, making
gestures like a windmill. I simply
nodded from time to time to show him
that I was interested.
When
... read all Bancuri in Engleza (English) Friday, 20 October 2006
Jack Benny is walking down the street,
when a stick-up man pulls out a gun and
says: Your money or your life!
An
extremely long silence follows. Your
money or your life!, the thug repeats.
Finally Benny says: I am thinking!
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 2 February 2006
Manning the computer help desk for the
local school district was my first job.
And though I was just an intern, I took
the job very seriously. But not every
caller took me seriously.
- Can I
talk to a real person? a caller asked.
- I am real, I said.
- Oh, I'm
sorry, the caller said. That was rude of
me. What I meant to say was, could I
talk to someone who actually knows
something?
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Friday, 14 March 2008
After buying her kids a pet hamster,
after they PROMISED they would take care
of it, Mom, as usual, ended up with the
responsibility.
One evening,
exasperated, she asked them, "How many
times do you think that hamster would
have died if I hadn't looked after it?"
After a moment, her youngest son
replied quizzically, "Once?"
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Wednesday, 22 August 2007
On a sunny morning, William's mother
came into her son's room and said,
"William, it's Sunday. Time to get up!
Time to get up and go to church! Get
up!"
From under the covers came
mumbles, "I don't want to go!"
"What
do you mean?" she said. "That's silly!
Now get up and get dressed and go to
church!"
"No!" he shot back. "I'll
give you two reasons. I don't like them
and they don't like
... read all Bancuri in Engleza (English) Saturday, 14 July 2007
FEMALE PRAYER
Before I lay me down
to sleep,
I pray for a man,
who's not a creep,
One who's
handsome, smart and strong
One who
loves to listen long,
One who thinks
before he speaks,
One who'll
call, not wait for weeks.
I pray
he's gainfully employed,
When I
spend his cash, won't be annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my
door,
Massages me back and begs to
do
... read all Bancuri in Engleza (English) Tuesday, 23 August 2005
Have you heard of the Air Force's
ultra-high-security, super-secret base
in Nevada, known simply as "Area 51"?
Well, late one afternoon, the
Air Force folks out at Area 51 were very
surprised to see a Cessna landing at
their "secret" base. They immediately
impounded the aircraft and hauled the
pilot into an interrogation room.
The pilot's story was that he took
off from Las Vegas, got lost,
... read all Bancuri in Engleza (English) Monday, 10 December 2007
Mr. Gable had a leak in the roof over
his dining room, so he called a
repairman to take a look at it. "When
did you first notice the leak?" the
repairman inquired.
Mr. Gable
scowled. "Last night, when it took me
two hours to finish my soup!"
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 12 October 2006
1. There's always a lot to be
thankful for if you take time to look
for it. For example, I am sitting here
thinking how nice it is that wrinkles
don't hurt.
2. The easiest
way to find something lost around the
house is to buy a replacement.
3. You don't stop laughing
because you grow old. You grow old
because you stop laughing.
4. A
penny saved is a government
... read all Bancuri in Engleza (English) Monday, 30 May 2005
A linguistics professor was lecturing
his class one day.
- In English, he
said, a double negative forms a
positive. In some languages, though,
such as Romanian, a double negative is
still a negative. However, there is no
language wherein a double positive can
form a negative.
A loud voice from
the back of the room piped up:
-
Yeah, right.
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Wednesday, 8 June 2011
Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is your
emergency?
Caller: I heard what
sounded like gunshots coming from the
brown house on the corner.
Dispatcher: Do you have an address?
Caller: No, I have on a blouse and
slacks, why?
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 12 April 2007
THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN
DRUNK:
1. Innovative
2.
Preliminary
3. Proliferation
4.
Cinnamon
THINGS THAT ARE VERY
DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1.
Specificity
2.
Anti-constitutionalistically
3.
Passive-aggressive disorder
4. Tran
substantiate
THINGS THAT ARE
DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. No thanks, I'm married.
2.
Nope, no more booze for me!
3.
Sorry, but
... read all Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 22 May 2008
A young lady visited the government
matchmaker for marriage and requested:
"I'm looking for a spouse. Can you
please help me to find a suitable one?"
The marriage officer said: "Your
requirements please."
"Well, let me
see. Needs to be good looking, polite,
humorous, sporty, knowledgeable, good at
singing and dancing.
Willing to
accompany me the whole day at home
during my leisure hour, if I
... read all Bancuri in Engleza (English) Monday, 27 August 2007