A man drinks a shot of whisky every night before bed. After years of this, his wife wants him to quit; she gets two shot glasses,...

Joke from category: Bancuri in Engleza (English)

proposed: 8 Dec 2006

A man drinks a shot of whisky every night before bed. After years of this, his wife wants him to quit; she gets two shot glasses, filling one with water and the other with whisky.
After getting him to the table that has the glasses, she brings his bait box. She says, "I want you to see this." She puts a worm in the water, and it swims around.
She puts a worm in the whisky, and the worm dies immediately. She then says, feeling that she has made her point clear, "What do you have to say about this experiment?"
He says, "If I drink whisky, I won't get worms!"

In a class on abnormal psychology, the instructor was about to introduce the subject of manic depression. The instructor asked, How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth, [...]
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I've sure gotten old. I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, and new knees. Fought prostate cancer and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, and take 40 [...]
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A father was trying to teach his young son the evils of alcohol. He put one worm in a glass of water and another worm in a glass of whiskey. The worm in the water lived, while the one in the whiskey curled up and died. "All right, son," asked the father, "what does that show you?" "Well, Dad, it shows that if you drink alcohol, you will not have worms." ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Monday, 18 August 2008


- Pythagorean theorem: 24 words. - The Lord's Prayer: 66 words. - Archimedes' Principle: 67 words. - The 10 Commandments: 179 words. - The Gettysburg address: 286 words. - The Declaration of Independence: 1,300 words. - - - The US Government regulations on the sale of cabbage: 26,911 words!!! - - - ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Tuesday, 10 April 2007


1. Project Manager is a person who thinks nine women can deliver a baby in one month. 2. Developer is a person who thinks it will take 18 months to deliver a baby. 3. Onsite Coordinator is one who thinks a single woman can deliver nine babies in one month. 4. Client is the one who doesn't know why he wants a baby. 5. Marketing Manager is a person who thinks he can deliver a baby even if no ... read all

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Monday, 11 April 2005


Two lawyers arrive at the pub and ordered a couple of drinks. They then take sandwiches from their briefcases and began to eat. Seeing this, the angry publican approaches them and says, 'Excuse me, but you cannot eat your own sandwiches in here!' The two look at each other, shrug and exchange sandwiches. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Wednesday, 8 June 2011


THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN
DRUNK:
1. Innovative
2. Preliminary
3. Proliferation
4. Cinnamon

THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY
WHEN DRUNK:
1. Specificity
2. ...THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK: 1. Innovative 2. Preliminary 3. Proliferation 4. Cinnamon THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK: 1. Specificity 2. Anti-constitutionalistically 3. Passive-aggressive disorder 4. Tran substantiate THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN DRUNK: 1. No thanks, I'm married. 2. Nope, no more booze for me! 3. Sorry, but you're not really ... read all

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 22 May 2008


A school teacher sends this note to all parents on the first day of school: "If you promise not to believe everything your child says happens at school, I'll promise not to believe everything he says happens at home." ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Sunday, 27 January 2008


An eighteen-year-old girl tells her Mom that she has missed her period for two months. Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy kit. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant. Shouting, crying, the mother says, "Who did this to you? I want to know!" The girl picks up the phone and makes a call. Half an hour later a Ferrari stops in front of their house; a mature ... read all

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Monday, 18 October 2004


What did Adam say on the day before Christmas? Answer: It's Christmas, Eve! ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Monday, 14 November 2011


I went to the cinema the other day and in the front row was an old man and with him was his dog. It was a sad funny kind of film, you know the type. In the sad part, the dog cried his eyes out, and in the funny part, the dog laughed its head off. This happened all the way through the film. After the film had ended, I decided to go and speak to the man: - That's the most amazing thing I've seen, I ... read all

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Monday, 14 November 2011


Subject on a math test...
Solve the problem: find x on the
triangle.
Answer: see for yourself!!Subject on a math test... Solve the problem: find x on the triangle. Answer: see for yourself!! ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Monday, 3 October 2005


European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English". In the first year, "s" will ... read all

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Wednesday, 5 April 2006


At a U2 concert in Ireland, Bono (the lead singer) asks the audience for some quiet. Then he starts to slowly clap his hands. Holding the audience in total silence, he says into the microphone... "I want you to think about something. Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies." A voice from the front of the audience yells out... "Then ****** stop clapping, ya ********!" ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Tuesday, 19 June 2007


- Bless me Father, for I have sinned with a woman. The priest asks, "Is that you, little Johnny Parisi?" - Yes, Father, it is. - And who was the woman you were with? - I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation. - Well, Johnny, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later, so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti? - I cannot say. - Was it Teresa Volpe? - I'll never ... read all

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Friday, 6 October 2006


The Programmer's drinking song: 99 little bugs in the code, 99 bugs in the code, Fix one bug, compile it again, 101 little bugs in the code. 101 little bugs in the code, 101 bugs in the code, Fix one bug, compile it again, 103 little bugs in the code. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Monday, 16 October 2006


Two guys walk into a bar, separately, and have a seat at the bar. One guy notices the other has a black eye, just like him. “Hey buddy, how’d you get your shiner?” “Well, I was at the train station, and the ticket girl was veeery hot. And instead of two tickets to Pittsburg, I slipped and said ‘two PICKets to TITTsburg’ and she hit me square in the face. How ... read all

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Sunday, 24 August 2008