A man drinks a shot of whisky every night before bed. After years of this, his wife wants him to quit; she gets two shot glasses,...
proposed: 8 Dec 2006
A man drinks a shot of whisky every
night before bed. After years of this,
his wife wants him to quit; she gets two
shot glasses, filling one with water and
the other with whisky.
After getting
him to the table that has the glasses,
she brings his bait box. She says, "I
want you to see this." She puts a worm
in the water, and it swims around.
She puts a worm in the whisky, and
the worm dies immediately. She then
says, feeling that she has made her
point clear, "What do you have to say
about this experiment?"
He says, "If
I drink whisky, I won't get worms!"
In a class on abnormal psychology, the instructor was about to introduce the subject of manic depression. The instructor asked, How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth, [...]
previous joke I've sure gotten old. I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, and new knees. Fought prostate cancer and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, and take 40 [...]
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Have you heard of the Air Force's
ultra-high-security, super-secret base
in Nevada, known simply as "Area 51"?
Well, late one afternoon, the
Air Force folks out at Area 51 were very
surprised to see a Cessna landing at
their "secret" base. They immediately
impounded the aircraft and hauled the
pilot into an interrogation room.
The pilot's story was that he took
off from Las Vegas, got lost,
... read all Bancuri in Engleza (English) Monday, 10 December 2007
I am passing this on to you because it
definitely worked for me and we all
could use more calm in our lives. By
following the simple advice I heard on a
Dr. Phil show, I have finally found
inner peace. Dr. Phil proclaimed, "The
way to achieve inner peace is to finish
all the things you've started." So I
looked around my house to see all the
things I started and hadn't
finished, and before
... read all Bancuri in Engleza (English) Monday, 30 May 2005
Due to increasing products liability
litigation, American liquor
manufacturers have accepted the
FDA's suggestion that the following
warning labels be placed immediately on
all varieties of alcohol containers:
WARNING: The consumption of
alcohol may leave you wondering what the
hell happened to your bra and panties.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol
may make you think you are
... read all Bancuri in Engleza (English) Monday, 7 March 2005
Two lawyers arrive at the pub and
ordered a couple of drinks. They then
take sandwiches from their briefcases
and began to eat.
Seeing this, the
angry publican approaches them and says,
'Excuse me, but you cannot eat your own
sandwiches in here!'
The two look at
each other, shrug and exchange
sandwiches.
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Wednesday, 8 June 2011
1. The Japanese eat very little fat and
suffer fewer heart attacks than
Americans.
2. The Mexicans eat a lot
of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks
than Americans.
3. The Chinese drink
very little red wine and suffer fewer
heart attacks than Americans.
4. The
Italians drink excessive amounts of red
wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than
Americans.
5. The Germans drink a
lot of beers and eat
... read all Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 11 November 2004
I'm sorry that you haven't
gotten much email from me lately.
It's because I'm tired. For a
couple years I've been blaming it on
iron poor blood, lack of vitamins,
dieting and a dozen other maladies. But
now I found out the real reason. I'm
tired because I'm overworked.
The population of this country is
237 million. 104 million are retired.
That leaves 133 million to
... read all Bancuri in Engleza (English) Monday, 18 October 2004
Statement: Senior Citizens Are Valuable!
We are more valuable than any of the
younger generations:
- We have
silver in our hair.
- We have gold
in our teeth.
- We have stones in
our kidneys.
- We have lead in our
feet and.
- We are loaded with
natural gas
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Tuesday, 26 February 2008
The phone rang. It was a salesman from a
mortgage refinance company. "Do you have
a second mortgage on your home?"
"No," I replied.
"Would you like
to consolidate all your debts?"
"I
really don't have any," I said.
"How
about freeing up cash for home
improvements?" he tried.
"I don't
need any. I just recently had some done
and paid cash," I parried.
There was
a brief silence, and then he
... read all Bancuri in Engleza (English) Friday, 2 February 2007
A US Navy Admiral was attending a naval
conference that included 20 Admirals
from the US, English, Canadian,
Australian and French Navies.
At a
reception, he found himself standing
with a huge group of officers that
included personnel from most of the
countries.
Everyone was chatting
away in English as they sipped their
drinks, but a French admiral suddenly
complained that, whereas Europeans
... read all Bancuri in Engleza (English) Wednesday, 4 July 2007
The Programmer's drinking song:
99 little bugs in the code,
99
bugs in the code,
Fix one bug,
compile it again,
101 little bugs
in the code.
101 little bugs in the
code,
101 bugs in the code,
Fix one bug, compile it again,
103 little bugs in the code.
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Monday, 16 October 2006
A linguistics professor was lecturing
his class one day.
- In English, he
said, a double negative forms a
positive. In some languages, though,
such as Romanian, a double negative is
still a negative. However, there is no
language wherein a double positive can
form a negative.
A loud voice from
the back of the room piped up:
-
Yeah, right.
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Wednesday, 8 June 2011
Jack Benny is walking down the street,
when a stick-up man pulls out a gun and
says: Your money or your life!
An
extremely long silence follows. Your
money or your life!, the thug repeats.
Finally Benny says: I am thinking!
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 2 February 2006
Headlines from the year 2029:
Ozone created by electric cars now
killing millions in the seventh largest
country in the world, Mexifornia,
formerly known as California. White
minorities still trying to have English
recognized as Mexifornia's third
language.
Spotted Owl plague
threatens northwestern United States
crops and livestock.
Baby
conceived naturally. Scientists stumped.
Couple
... read all Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 2 March 2006
A man drinks a shot of whisky every
night before bed. After years of this,
his wife wants him to quit; she gets two
shot glasses, filling one with water and
the other with whisky.
After getting
him to the table that has the glasses,
she brings his bait box. She says, "I
want you to see this." She puts a worm
in the water, and it swims around.
She puts a worm in the whisky, and
the worm dies
... read all Bancuri in Engleza (English) Friday, 8 December 2006