This is an actual job application that a 75 year old senior citizen submitted to Walmart in Arkansas. They hired him because he...
proposed: 21 Nov 2006
This is an actual job application that a
75 year old senior citizen submitted to
Walmart in Arkansas. They hired him
because he was so funny. Little Logan and his family were having Thanksgiving dinner at his grandmother's house. Everyone was seated round the table as the food was being served. When little Logan received his plate, [...]
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NAME: Kenneth Way (Grumpy
SEX: Not lately, but I am
looking for the right woman (or at least
one who will cooperate)
POSITION: Company's President or Vice
President. But seriously, whatever's
available. If I was in a position to be
picky, I wouldn't be applying here in
the first place?
$185,000 a year plus stock options and a
Michael Ovitz style severancepackage. If
that's not possible, make an offer and
we can haggle.
LAST POSITION HELD: Target for
middle management hostility.
PREVIOUS SALARY: A lot less than I'm
MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My
incredible collection of stolen pens and
REASON FOR LEAVING:
HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK:
PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m.
Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.
YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but
they're better suited to a more intimate
MAY WE CONTACT YOUR
CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I
DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL
CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM
LIFTING UP TO 50 lbs.?: Of what?
YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more
appropriate question here would be "Do
you have a car that runs?"
RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR
RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner
of the Publishers Clearing House
Sweepstakes, so they tell me.
SMOKE?: On the job - no! On my breaks -
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING
IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas
with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy
blonde supermodel who thinks I'm the
greatest thing since sliced bread.
Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.
NEAREST RELATIVE: 7 miles
CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND
COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?:
Oh yes, absolutely
previous joke My wife's family and I were at a Harding University football game. Every time someone carried the ball or made a tackle, the announcer would broadcast who had made the play. Near the beginning of [...]
"Davey, what sound does a cow make?"
Davey replied, "It goes 'moo.'"
"Alice, what sound does a cat make?"
Alice said, "It goes 'meow.'"
"Jamie, what sound does a lamb
Jamie said, "It goes 'baaa.'"
"Jennifer, what sound does a
Jennifer paused, and
said, "Uhh. .. it goes. .. 'click!'" ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Tuesday, 14 August 2007
A father was trying to teach his young
son the evils of alcohol.
put one worm in a glass of water and
another worm in a glass of
The worm in the water lived, while the
one in the whiskey
curled up and
"All right, son," asked
the father, "what does that show you?"
"Well, Dad, it shows that if
you drink alcohol, you will not have
worms." ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Monday, 18 August 2008
One night while I was cat-sitting my
daughter's indoor feline, it escaped
outside. When it failed to return the
following morning, I found the beast
clinging to a branch about 30 feet up in
a spindly tree. Unable to lure it down,
I called the fire department.
don't do that anymore," the woman
dispatcher said. When I persisted, she
was polite but firm. "The cat will come
down when it gets ... read all
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Tuesday, 30 January 2007
A man drinks a shot of whisky every
night before bed. After years of this,
his wife wants him to quit; she gets two
shot glasses, filling one with water and
the other with whisky.
him to the table that has the glasses,
she brings his bait box. She says, "I
want you to see this." She puts a worm
in the water, and it swims around.
She puts a worm in the whisky, and
the worm dies ... read all
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Friday, 8 December 2006
Hung Chow calls work and says:
Hey, boss I no come work today, I really
sick. I got headache, stomach ache and
my legs hurt, I no come work.
- You know Hung Chow, I
really need you today. When I feel like
that I go to my wife and tell her to
sing for me. That makes everything
better and I go work. You try that.
Two hours later Hung Chow calls
- Boss, I do what you say ... read all
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Wednesday, 16 March 2005
Man: Can I
ask you something?
Man: What is for you a million of
God: A second.
a million of dollars?
God: A penny.
Man: God, Can you give me a penny?
God: Wait a second! ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 27 October 2005
The truth about working in the IT
1. We work weird
2. They pay you to
make the client happy...
client pays a lot of money, but your
employer keeps almost every penny...
4. You are rewarded for fulfilling
the client's dreams...
friends fall apart and you end up
hanging out with people in the same
profession as you...
6. When you
have to meet the ... read all
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Monday, 27 November 2006
Women are like apples on trees. The best
ones are at the top of the tree. Most
men don't want to reach for the good
ones because they are afraid of falling
and getting hurt. Instead, they just
take the rotten apples from the ground
that aren't as good, but easy.......
The apples at the top think something is
wrong with them, when in reality,
they're amazing. They just have to
wait for ... read all
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 5 May 2005
An old mafia Don is dying and he calls
his grandson to the bed.
lissin-a me. I wanna for you to taka my
chrome plated 38 revolver so you will
always remember me.
- But grandpa,
I really don't like guns. Howzabout you
leava me your rolex watch instead?
Shuddup and lissin. Somma day you gonna
runna da business, you gonna have a
beautifulla wife, lotsa money, a biga
home and maybe a ... read all
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Monday, 17 October 2005
Drug-dealers vs software developers.
Drug dealers - Refer to their
clients as "users".
developers - Refer to their clients as
Drug dealers - "The
first one's free!"
developers - "Download a free trial
Drug dealers -
Have important South-East Asian
connections (to help move the stuff).
Software developers - Have important
South-East Asian ... read all
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Friday, 28 April 2006
One sunny day in 2005 an old man
approached the White House from across
Pennsylvania Ave, where he'd been
sitting on a park bench. He spoke to the
US Marine standing guard and said, "I
would like to go in and meet with
The Marine looked
at the man and said, "Sir, Mr. Bush is
no longer president and no longer
resides here." The old man said, "Okay"
and walked away.
The following ... read all
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 24 November 2005
Amazingly simple home remedies:
Avoid cutting yourself when slicing
vegetables by getting someone else to
hold the vegetables while you chop.
2. Avoid arguments with the females
about lifting the toilet seat by using
3. For high blood pressure
sufferers: Simply cut yourself and bleed
for a few minutes, thus reducing the
pressure on your veins. Remember to use
4. A mouse ... read all
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Sunday, 9 November 2008