This is an actual job application that a 75 year old senior citizen submitted to Walmart in Arkansas. They hired him because he...
proposed: 21 Nov 2006
This is an actual job application that a
75 year old senior citizen submitted to
Walmart in Arkansas. They hired him
because he was so funny. Little Logan and his family were having Thanksgiving dinner at his grandmother's house. Everyone was seated round the table as the food was being served. When little Logan received his plate, [...]
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NAME: Kenneth Way (Grumpy
SEX: Not lately, but I am
looking for the right woman (or at least
one who will cooperate)
POSITION: Company's President or Vice
President. But seriously, whatever's
available. If I was in a position to be
picky, I wouldn't be applying here in
the first place?
$185,000 a year plus stock options and a
Michael Ovitz style severancepackage. If
that's not possible, make an offer and
we can haggle.
LAST POSITION HELD: Target for
middle management hostility.
PREVIOUS SALARY: A lot less than I'm
MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My
incredible collection of stolen pens and
REASON FOR LEAVING:
HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK:
PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m.
Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.
YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but
they're better suited to a more intimate
MAY WE CONTACT YOUR
CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I
DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL
CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM
LIFTING UP TO 50 lbs.?: Of what?
YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more
appropriate question here would be "Do
you have a car that runs?"
RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR
RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner
of the Publishers Clearing House
Sweepstakes, so they tell me.
SMOKE?: On the job - no! On my breaks -
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING
IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas
with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy
blonde supermodel who thinks I'm the
greatest thing since sliced bread.
Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.
NEAREST RELATIVE: 7 miles
CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND
COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?:
Oh yes, absolutely
previous joke My wife's family and I were at a Harding University football game. Every time someone carried the ball or made a tackle, the announcer would broadcast who had made the play. Near the beginning of [...]
The Pentagon announced TODAY the
formation of a new 500-man elite
fighting unit called the United States
Redneck Special Forces (USRSF).
These boys will be dropped off in
Iraq and have been given only the
following facts about terrorists:
The season opened today.
2. There is
3. They taste just like
4. They don't like beer,
pickups, country music or Jesus.
They are ... read all
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 13 March 2008
A new store named Husband-Mart opened.
Husband-Mart is a store where women can
go and choose a husband from among many
men. The store is composed of six
floors, and the men increase in positive
attributes as the shopper ascends the
flight of stairs. There is, however, a
catch. AS you open the door to any floor
you may choose a man from that floor,
but if you go up a floor, you cannot go
back down ... read all
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Tuesday, 30 November 2004
An English professor wrote the words :
"A woman without her man is nothing"
on the chalkboard and asked his
students to punctuate it correctly.
All of the males in the class
"A woman, without her man,
females in the class wrote:
woman: without her, man is nothing."
Punctuation is powerful ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Tuesday, 31 August 2004
Q: Tarzan and the animals went to the
river to take a bath. Tarzan removed his
clothes. All the animals laughed. Tarzan
A: The animals told
him. Your tail is in front". ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Monday, 5 February 2007
A dog walks into an employment agency
- I'd like to get a job
The guy at the employment
- Wow, you could easily
get a job at the circus, with your
The dog replys:
would the circus want with a plumber? ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Tuesday, 19 November 2013
A man is waiting in line for a hit
movie. Behind him are two women. The
usher comes along and says that he has
two seats together. Seeing the problem,
the usher says to the man, "Let them go
first. You wouldn't want to separate a
woman from her mother, would you?"
The man says, "No, sir. I did that
once, and I've been sorry ever since." ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Tuesday, 1 April 2008
Two mothers are having a conversation
about their children one day.
do you get your Marvin up so early on
school mornings? asks Joan.
that's easy, replies Marianne. I just
throw the cat on his bed.
- Why does
that wake him up?
- He sleeps with
the dog! ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 13 March 2008
Explicatii de dat atunci cand nu va merg
aplicatiile si programele.
19. "It's never
done that before."
18. "It worked
17. "How is that
16. "It must be a
15. "What did you
type in wrong to get it to crash?"
14. "There is something funky in
13. "I haven't touched
that module in weeks!"
12. ... read all
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Tuesday, 28 November 2006
Lady: Is this my train?
Master: No, it belongs to the Railway
Lady: Don't try to be
funny. I mean to ask if I can take this
train to New Delhi.
No Madam, I'm afraid it's too heavy. ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Tuesday, 27 February 2007
Year 1981 =========
Charles got married
crowned Champions of Europe
Year 2005 =========
1. Prince Charles got married
2. Liverpool crowned
Champions of Europe (again)
*** In Future,
Charles wants to re-marry
Liverpool needs another crown. .... POOR
POPE....!! ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Tuesday, 23 August 2005
A man happens
upon a friend and sees that his friend's
car is wrecked and covered with leaves,
grass, branches, dirt, and blood. He
asks his friend, "What happened to your
"Well," the friend
responses, "I ran into a lawyer."
"OK," says the man, "that explains
the blood... But what about the leaves,
the grass, the branches, and the dirt?"
"Well, I had to chase ... read all
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Tuesday, 26 September 2006
Mr. Gable had a leak in the roof over
his dining room, so he called a
repairman to take a look at it. "When
did you first notice the leak?" the
scowled. "Last night, when it took me
two hours to finish my soup!" ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 12 October 2006
First-year students at Texas A&M's Vet
School were receiving theirfirst anatomy
class, with a real dead cow. They all
gathered around the surgery table with
the body covered with a white sheet. The
professor started the class by telling
- In vet medicine it is
necessary to have two important
qualities as a doctor: the first is that
you not be disgusted by anything
involving the animal ... read all
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Wednesday, 2 May 2007