This is an actual job application that a 75 year old senior citizen submitted to Walmart in Arkansas. They hired him because he...
proposed: 21 Nov 2006
This is an actual job application that a
75 year old senior citizen submitted to
Walmart in Arkansas. They hired him
because he was so funny. Little Logan and his family were having Thanksgiving dinner at his grandmother's house. Everyone was seated round the table as the food was being served. When little Logan received his plate, [...]
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NAME: Kenneth Way (Grumpy
SEX: Not lately, but I am
looking for the right woman (or at least
one who will cooperate)
POSITION: Company's President or Vice
President. But seriously, whatever's
available. If I was in a position to be
picky, I wouldn't be applying here in
the first place?
$185,000 a year plus stock options and a
Michael Ovitz style severancepackage. If
that's not possible, make an offer and
we can haggle.
LAST POSITION HELD: Target for
middle management hostility.
PREVIOUS SALARY: A lot less than I'm
MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My
incredible collection of stolen pens and
REASON FOR LEAVING:
HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK:
PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m.
Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.
YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but
they're better suited to a more intimate
MAY WE CONTACT YOUR
CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I
DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL
CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM
LIFTING UP TO 50 lbs.?: Of what?
YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more
appropriate question here would be "Do
you have a car that runs?"
RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR
RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner
of the Publishers Clearing House
Sweepstakes, so they tell me.
SMOKE?: On the job - no! On my breaks -
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING
IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas
with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy
blonde supermodel who thinks I'm the
greatest thing since sliced bread.
Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.
NEAREST RELATIVE: 7 miles
CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND
COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?:
Oh yes, absolutely
previous joke My wife's family and I were at a Harding University football game. Every time someone carried the ball or made a tackle, the announcer would broadcast who had made the play. Near the beginning of [...]
During a taxi, the crew of a US Air
departure flight to Ft. Lauderdale made
a wrong turn and came nose-to-nose with
a United 727. The irate ground
controller (a female) lashed out at the
US Air crew screaming, "US Air 2771,
where are you going? I told you to turn
right on 'Charlie' taxi way; you turned
right on 'Delta.' Stop right there. I
know it's difficult to tell the
difference between a C ... read all
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Tuesday, 25 March 2008
On a sunny morning, William's mother
came into her son's room and said,
"William, it's Sunday. Time to get up!
Time to get up and go to church! Get
From under the covers came
mumbles, "I don't want to go!"
do you mean?" she said. "That's silly!
Now get up and get dressed and go to
"No!" he shot back. "I'll
give you two reasons. I don't like them
and they don't like ... read all
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Saturday, 14 July 2007
THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN
THINGS THAT ARE VERY
DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
THINGS THAT ARE
DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. No thanks, I'm married.
Nope, no more booze for me!
Sorry, but ... read all
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 22 May 2008
A psychiatrist was conducting a group
therapy session with four young mothers
and their small children...
all have obsessions, he observed.
the first mother, Mary, he said:
You are obsessed with eating. You've
even named your daughter Candy.
turned to the second Mom, Ann:
Your obsession is money. Again, it
manifests itself in your child's name,
He turns to the third ... read all
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Wednesday, 17 January 2007
The Pope is visiting Washington, D.C.,
and President Bush takes him out for an
afternoon on the Potomac, cruising on
the Presidential yacht, the Sequoia.
They're admiring the sights when, all of
a sudden, the Pope's hat (zucchetto)
blows off his head and out into the
Secret Service guys start to
launch a boat, but President Bush waves
them off, saying, "Wait, wait. I'll take
care of this. ... read all
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Friday, 28 July 2006
Have you heard of the Air Force's
ultra-high-security, super-secret base
in Nevada, known simply as "Area 51"?
Well, late one afternoon, the
Air Force folks out at Area 51 were very
surprised to see a Cessna landing at
their "secret" base. They immediately
impounded the aircraft and hauled the
pilot into an interrogation room.
The pilot's story was that he took
off from Las Vegas, got lost, ... read all
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Monday, 10 December 2007
There is more money being spent on
breast implants and Viagra today than on
Alzheimer's research. This means that by
2040, there should be a large elderly
population with perky boobs and huge
erections and absolutely no recollection
of what to do with them. ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Friday, 23 February 2007
HOW TO RECRUIT THE RIGHT PERSON FOR THE
Put about 100 bricks in
some particular order in a closed room
with an open window. Then send 2 or 3
candidates in the room and close the
door. Leave them alone and come back
after 6 hours and then analyses the
If they are counting
the bricks. Put them in the accounts
If they are
recounting them. Put them in ... read all
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Friday, 10 March 2006
CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS
A man walks
into a pharmacy and wanders up & down
The sales girl notices
him and asks him if she can help him. He
answers that he is looking for a box of
tampons for his wife. She directs him
down the correct aisle.
minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of
cotton balls and a ball of string on the
She says, confused, 'Sir, I
thought you were ... read all
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Sunday, 30 May 2010
UNDERSTANDING WOMEN (A MAN'S
I know I'm not going to
understand how you can take boiling hot
wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip
the hair out by the root, and still be
afraid of a spider. ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 13 May 2010
A mother and a daughter are shopping in
the mall, when the mother eyes an
expensive fur coat.
"This year," she
says, "I think that I will buy my
present instead of making you and Dad
shop for me." The daughter nods in
agreement. "And I think this fur coat
would be perfect too."
protests, "But Mom, some helpless, poor
creature has to suffer so that you can
"Don't worry, ... read all
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 7 February 2008
Lady: Is this my train?
Master: No, it belongs to the Railway
Lady: Don't try to be
funny. I mean to ask if I can take this
train to New Delhi.
No Madam, I'm afraid it's too heavy. ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Tuesday, 27 February 2007
Worst Things To Say On A First Date:
- I used to have a real bad
bedwetting problem... but the last
couple of weeks I've gotten it under
- I know we just met and
this might seem a little sudden. .. but
could I borrow five hundred dollars?
- Go ahead and Super Size - I found
spare change in the sofa today.
Something tells me that you're very
special... but with medication I can ... read all
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Wednesday, 14 February 2007
A few years ago, I decided to visit my
brother who was stationed in Germany. I
assumed that most Germans would speak
English. But I found that many people
spoke only their native tongue -
including the ticket inspector on the
He punched my ticket, then
chatted cordially for a bit, making
gestures like a windmill. I simply
nodded from time to time to show him
that I was interested.
When ... read all
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Friday, 20 October 2006