Two women came before wise King Solomon, dragging between them a young man in a three-piece suit. This young lawyer agreed to...

Joke from category: Bancuri in Engleza (English)

proposed by: cerebel on date: 17 Oct 2006

Two women came before wise King Solomon, dragging between them a young man in a three-piece suit.
"This young lawyer agreed to marry my daughter," said one.
"No! He agreed to marry MY daughter," said the other.
And so they haggled before the king until he called for silence.
"Bring me my biggest sword," said Solomon, "and I shall hew the young attorney in half. Each of you shall receive a half."
"Sounds good to me," said the first lady.
But the other woman said, "Oh, sire, do not spill innocent blood. Let the other woman's daughter marry him."
The wise king did not hesitate a moment. "The attorney must marry the first lady's daughter," he proclaimed.
"But she was willing to hew him in two!" exclaimed the king's court.
"Indeed," said wise King Solomon. "That shows she is the TRUE mother-in-law."

The Programmer's drinking song: 99 little bugs in the code, 99 bugs in the code, Fix one bug, compile it again, 101 little bugs in the code. 101 little bugs in the code, [...]
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A few years ago, I decided to visit my brother who was stationed in Germany. I assumed that most Germans would speak English. But I found that many people spoke only their native tongue - including [...]
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One night while I was cat-sitting my daughter's indoor feline, it escaped outside. When it failed to return the following morning, I found the beast clinging to a branch about 30 feet up in a spindly tree. Unable to lure it down, I called the fire department.
"We don't do that anymore," the woman dispatcher said. When I persisted, she was polite but firm. "The cat will come down when it gets ... read all

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Tuesday, 30 January 2007


Hung Chow calls work and says:
- Hey, boss I no come work today, I really sick. I got headache, stomach ache and my legs hurt, I no come work.
The boss says:
- You know Hung Chow, I really need you today. When I feel like that I go to my wife and tell her to sing for me. That makes everything better and I go work. You try that.
Two hours later Hung Chow calls again:
- Boss, I do what you say ... read all

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Wednesday, 16 March 2005


- Are you sure this is british beef?
- Of horse it is! ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 18 April 2013


Amazingly simple home remedies: <br>1.
Avoid cutting yourself when slicing
vegetables by getting someone else to
hold the vegetables while you chop.
<br>2. Avoid arguments with the females
about lifting ...Amazingly simple home remedies:
1. Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold the vegetables while you chop.
2. Avoid arguments with the females about lifting the toilet seat by using the sink.
3. For high blood pressure sufferers: Simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure on your veins. Remember to use a timer.
4. A mouse ... read all

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Sunday, 9 November 2008


School: Define The Following Terms

Antibody: Against everyone.
Artery: The study of fine paintings.
Bacteria: Back door to a cafeteria.
Benign: What you've been after eight.
Cardiology: Advance study of poker playing.
Cat Scan: Searching for lost kitty.
Chronic: Neck of a crow.
Coma: Punctuation mark.
Cyst: Short of sister.
Diagnosis: Person with slanted nose.
Dislocation: In ... read all

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Wednesday, 2 March 2005


Husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop with their 9 children. A blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife and the 9 kids are able to fit onto the bus.

So the husband and the blind man decide to walk. After a while, the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man as he taps it on the sidewalk, and says ... read all

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 5 October 2006


A real estate agent had just closed his first deal, only to discover that the piece of land he had sold was completely under water.

"That customer's going to come back here pretty mad," he said to his boss. "Should I give him his money back?"

"Money back?" roared the boss. "What kind of salesman are you? Get out there and sell him a houseboat!" ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 2 November 2006


Fifteen days ago, I read that smoking can kill you.
The next day I stopped smoking.

Twelve days ago, I read that too much red meat can kill you.
The next day I stopped eating red meat.

Eight days ago, I read that drinking can kill you. The next day I stopped drinking.

Yesterday, I read that having sex can kill you.
This morning I stopped reading. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Monday, 25 April 2005


Manning the computer help desk for the local school district was my first job. And though I was just an intern, I took the job very seriously. But not every caller took me seriously.
- Can I talk to a real person? a caller asked.
- I am real, I said.
- Oh, I'm sorry, the caller said. That was rude of me. What I meant to say was, could I talk to someone who actually knows something? ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Friday, 14 March 2008


Women are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree. Most men don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they just take the rotten apples from the ground that aren't as good, but easy....... The apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality, they're amazing. They just have to wait for ... read all

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 5 May 2005


I went to the cinema the other day and in the front row was an old man and with him was his dog. It was a sad funny kind of film, you know the type. In the sad part, the dog cried his eyes out, and in the funny part, the dog laughed its head off. This happened all the way through the film. After the film had ended, I decided to go and speak to the man:
- That's the most amazing thing I've seen, ... read all

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Monday, 14 November 2011


Lucrare: The Dracula is a person bad. He
came from Transilvania. He is a strigoi,
because the Dracula was reancarnation in
a voievod. He came only at night.Lucrare: The Dracula is a person bad. He came from Transilvania. He is a strigoi, because the Dracula was reancarnation in a voievod. He came only at night. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Tuesday, 19 December 2006


When Charles de Gaulle decided to retire
from public life, the British ambassador
and his wife threw a gala dinner party
in his honor. At the dinner table, the
Ambassador’s wife was talking ...When Charles de Gaulle decided to retire from public life, the British ambassador and his wife threw a gala dinner party in his honor. At the dinner table, the Ambassador’s wife was talking with Madame deGaulle:
- Your husband has been such a prominent public figure, such a presence on the French and international scene for so many years! How quiet retirement will seem in comparison. What ... read all

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Friday, 6 March 2009


A guy joins a monastery and takes a vow of silence: he is allowed to say two words every seven years.
After the first seven years, the elders bring him in and ask for his two words. "Cold floors," he says. They nod and send him away.
Seven more years pass. They bring him back in and ask for his two words. He clears his throats and says, "Bad food." They nod and send him away.
Seven more years ... read all

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 2 February 2006


Of course you've heard about the Viagra computer virus, it turns your 3 1/2 inch floppy into a hard disk. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Monday, 18 October 2004