A woman in our diet club was lamenting that she had gained weight. She'd made her family's favorite cake over the weekend, she...
proposed by: Dody on date: 2 Oct 2006
A woman in our diet club was lamenting
that she had gained weight. She'd made
her family's favorite cake over the
weekend, she reported, and they'd eaten
half of it at dinner.
The next
day, she said, she kept staring at the
other half, until finally she cut a thin
slice for herself. One slice led to
another, and soon the whole cake was
gone.
The woman went on to tell
us how upset she was with her lack of
willpower, and how she knew her husband
would be disappointed. Everyone
commiserated, until someone asked what
her husband said when he found out.
She smiled. "He never found out. I
made another cake and ate half!"
A Chinese couple got married. When a baby girl was born, her eyes were big and blue, hair was curly and blonde, skin was brown. Finally, the father named the baby SUM TING RONG.
previous joke If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say -- talk in your sleep.
next joke
A cowboy went to an insurance agency to
buy a policy. The agent asked, "Have you
ever had an accident?"
"Nope,"
replied the cowboy. "Last summer, a
bronc kicked in two of my ribs, and a
couple of years ago, a rattlesnake bit
me on the ankle."
"Wouldn't you call
those accidents?" quizzed the puzzled
agent.
"Naw," the cowboy replied.
"They did it on purpose!"
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Wednesday, 15 November 2006
A Czech goes to the optician who shows
him a card with the letters 'C Z W X
N Q S T A C Z'.
"Can you read
this?" the optician asks.
"Read
it?" the Czech replies, "I even know the
guy."
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Tuesday, 31 August 2004
Two guys walk into a bar, separately,
and have a seat at the bar.
One
guy notices the other has a black eye,
just like him.
“Hey buddy,
how’d you get your shiner?”
“Well, I was at the train station,
and the ticket girl was veeery hot. And
instead of two tickets to Pittsburg, I
slipped and said ‘two PICKets to
TITTsburg’ and she hit me square in
the
... read all Bancuri in Engleza (English) Sunday, 24 August 2008
Fifteen days ago, I read that smoking
can kill you.
The next day I stopped
smoking.
Twelve days ago, I
read that too much red meat can kill
you.
The next day I stopped eating
red meat.
Eight days ago, I
read that drinking can kill you. The
next day I stopped drinking.
Yesterday, I read that even the air
can kill you.
This morning I stopped
reading.
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Monday, 25 April 2005
Stephen Spielberg is casting for a new
film based around the great composers.
Anyway to give the film a twist and some
"oomph" he decides to cast the parts to
the great action heroes of today. He
calls Stallone, Arnie, Bruce Willis and
Seagal into his office to hear who they
would like to play.
- Well, started
Stallone, I've always admired Mozart. I
would love to play him.
- Chopin has
always
... read all Bancuri in Engleza (English) Wednesday, 23 November 2005
A school teacher sends this note to all
parents on the first day of school: "If
you promise not to believe everything
your child says happens at school, I'll
promise not to believe everything he
says happens at home."
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Sunday, 27 January 2008
An eighteen-year-old girl tells her Mom
that she has missed her period for two
months. Very worried, the mother goes to
the drugstore and buys a pregnancy kit.
The test result shows that the girl is
pregnant.
Shouting, crying, the
mother says, "Who did this to you? I
want to know!"
The girl picks up the
phone and makes a call. Half an hour
later a Ferrari stops in front of their
house; a mature
... read all Bancuri in Engleza (English) Monday, 18 October 2004
About five years ago, the battery in my
beat-up VW Beetle had died because I
left the lights on overnight. I was in a
hurry to get to work on time, so I ran
into the house to get my wife to give me
a hand in starting the car.
I
told her to get into our second car, a
prehistoric oversized gas guzzler, and
use it to push my car fast enough to
start it. I pointed out to her that
because the VW
... read all Bancuri in Engleza (English) Friday, 18 January 2008
A simple friend, when visiting, acts
like a guest.
A real friend opens
your refrigerator and helps himself.
A simple friend has never seen
you cry.
A real friend has shoulders
soggy from your tears.
A simple
friend doesn't know your
parents'
first names.
A real
friend has their phone numbers in his
address book.
A simple friend
brings a bottle of wine to your party.
A real
... read all Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 5 May 2005
When the new patient was settled
comfortably on the couch, the
psychiatrist began his therapy session.
"I'm not aware of your problem," the
doctor said. "So perhaps, you should
start at the very beginning."
"Of
course," replied the patient. "In the
beginning, I created the heavens and the
earth..."
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 19 July 2007
My grandmother is a computer geek. She
also has trouble remembering quickly
sometimes. One day she couldn't think of
what she wanted to tell us.
Mom
explained, "Your grandma is trying to
retrieve the information, but it is
taking awhile. Evidently she hasn't
defragmented her hard drive lately."
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Monday, 8 October 2007
A woman in our diet club was lamenting
that she had gained weight. She'd made
her family's favorite cake over the
weekend, she reported, and they'd eaten
half of it at dinner.
The next
day, she said, she kept staring at the
other half, until finally she cut a thin
slice for herself. One slice led to
another, and soon the whole cake was
gone.
The woman went on to tell
us how upset she was
... read all Bancuri in Engleza (English) Monday, 2 October 2006
UNDERSTANDING WOMEN (A MAN'S
PERSPECTIVE)
I know I'm not going to
understand women.
I'll never
understand how you can take boiling hot
wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip
the hair out by the root, and still be
afraid of a spider.
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 13 May 2010