Once upon a time there were two brothers. One brother was very mischievous, always getting into trouble. The other brother,...
proposed by: Asignix on date: 6 Apr 2006
Once upon a time there were two
brothers.
One brother was very
mischievous, always getting into
trouble.
The other brother,
however, was very good. He was always
kind to animals, helped elderly
neighbors, and led an exemplary life.
As time went on, the brothers
stayed in touch but were never close.
The evil brother became a heavy
drinker and a womanizer.
The
other brother was a devoted husband and
father and supported many charities.
One day the evil brother died.
Then, after a few years, the good
brother passed away. He went to heaven
and was rewarded with a happy afterlife.
One day he went to God and
asked, "Where is my brother?
He died
before me, but I have not seen him here
in heaven."
God replied, "As
you know, your brother led an evil life,
so he is not spending eternity here in
heaven. He has been sent elsewhere."
"I'm sorry to hear that", the
good brother replied. "But I do miss him
and wish I could see him again."
"You can see him if you wish", God
said. "I will give you the
power to
gaze into Hell." So the power was
granted and the good brother gazed into
Hell.
Before long he saw his
brother sitting on a bench. In one arm
he held a keg of beer, and in the other
he cradled a gorgeous young blonde.
The good brother turned to God and
said, "I can't believe what I'm seeing.
I have found my brother, and he has a
keg of beer in one arm and a beautiful
woman in the other. Hell is not as bad
as I thought."
God explained.
"Things are not always as they seem. The
keg has a hole in it. And as for the
blonde... you guess..."
European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of [...]
previous joke Some lines: 1. I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe. 2. On the other hand, it's better to have fingers than toes. 3. A day without sunshine is like. .. [...]
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Unexpected cold snaps had destroyed the
buds on my father's young peach tree for
two years in a row. This spring, Dad was
ready. He replanted the sapling in a
large box, mounted it on wheels, and put
the tree in the garage whenever the
temperature dropped.
One warm April day, Dad was wheeling the
tree out into the yard, and he stopped
to give our dog a drink from the garden
hose. A neighbor
... read all Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 14 June 2007
Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is the nature of
your emergency?
Caller: I'm trying to reach nine eleven
but my phone doesn't have an eleven on
it.
Dispatcher: This is nine eleven.
Caller: I though you just said it was
nine-one-one.
Dispatcher: Yes, ma'am nine-one-one and
nine-eleven are the same thing.
Caller: Honey, I may be old, but I'm not
stupid.
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 12 April 2007
Sweetheart:
I can't send my salary this month,
so I am sending 100 kisses. You are my
sweetheart.
Your husband,
Allen
...
His wife replied back after some days to
her husband:
Dearest sweetheart,
Thanks for your 100 kisses, I am sending
the expenses details:
1. The Milk man agreed on 2 kisses for
one month's milk.
2. The electricity man only agreed after
7 kisses.
3. Your house owner
... read all Bancuri in Engleza (English) Tuesday, 13 September 2005
Have you heard of the Air Force's
ultra-high-security, super-secret base
in Nevada, known simply as "Area 51"?
Well, late one afternoon, the Air Force
folks out at Area 51 were very surprised
to see a Cessna landing at their
"secret" base. They immediately
impounded the aircraft and hauled the
pilot into an interrogation room.
The pilot's story was that he took off
from Las Vegas, got lost, and
... read all Bancuri in Engleza (English) Monday, 10 December 2007
Q: What's the difference between biology
and sociology?
A: When the baby looks like his dad or
mom, then it is biology. When the baby
looks like the neighbour, then it is
sociology.
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Monday, 5 February 2007
During a taxi, the crew of a US Air
departure flight to Ft. Lauderdale made
a wrong turn and came nose-to-nose with
a United 727. The irate ground
controller (a female) lashed out at the
US Air crew screaming, "US Air 2771,
where are you going? I told you to turn
right on 'Charlie' taxi way; you turned
right on 'Delta.' Stop right there. I
know it's difficult to tell the
difference between a C
... read all Bancuri in Engleza (English) Tuesday, 25 March 2008
A man is walking along a cliff and all
of a sudden loses his balance, slips,
and falls off. Fortunately, he has the
presence of mind to grab on to the edge,
and he's hanging there for dear life. He
hangs and hangs an finally yells out:
"Is there anybody up there who can help
me?"
There's no answer.
He keeps calling and calling. "Is there
anybody up there who can help me?".
Finally this big
... read all Bancuri in Engleza (English) Monday, 20 August 2007
All the scientists die and go to heaven.
They decide to play hide-n-seek.
Unfortunately Einstein is the one who
has the den. He is supposed to count up
to 100 and then start searching.
Everyone starts hiding except Newton.
Newton just draws a square of 1 meter
and stands in it right in front of
Einstein. Einstein's counting:
1,2,3..97,98,99,100.
He opens his eyes and finds Newton
standing in
... read all Bancuri in Engleza (English) Monday, 5 September 2005
"Davey, what sound does a cow make?"
Davey replied, "It goes 'moo.'"
"Alice, what sound does a cat make?"
Alice said, "It goes 'meow.'"
"Jamie, what sound does a lamb make?"
Jamie said, "It goes 'baaa.'"
"Jennifer, what sound does a mouse
make?"
Jennifer paused, and said, "Uhh. .. it
goes. .. 'click!'"
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Tuesday, 14 August 2007
Fifteen days ago, I read that smoking
can kill you.
The next day I stopped smoking.
Twelve days ago, I read that too much
red meat can kill you.
The next day I stopped eating red meat.
Eight days ago, I read that drinking can
kill you. The next day I stopped
drinking.
Yesterday, I read that even the air can
kill you.
This morning I stopped reading.
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Monday, 25 April 2005
Two lawyers arrive at the pub and
ordered a couple of drinks. They then
take sandwiches from their briefcases
and began to eat.
Seeing this, the angry publican
approaches them and says, 'Excuse me,
but you cannot eat your own sandwiches
in here!'
The two look at each other, shrug and
exchange sandwiches.
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Wednesday, 8 June 2011
An engineer was crossing a road one-day
when a frog called out to him and said:
- If you kiss me, I'll turn into a
beautiful princess.
He bent over, picked up the frog and put
it in his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said:
- If you kiss me and turn me back into a
beautiful princess, I will stay with you
for one week.
The engineer took the frog out of his
pocket, smiled at it and returned
... read all Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 31 March 2005