European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather...
proposed: 5 Apr 2006
European Commission has just announced
an agreement whereby English will be the
official language of the European Union
rather than German, which was the other
possibility. HOW TO RECRUIT THE RIGHT PERSON FOR THE JOB? Put about 100 bricks in some particular order in a closed room with an open window. Then send 2 or 3 candidates in the room and close the door. [...]
As part of the
negotiations, the British Government
conceded that English spelling had some
room for improvement and has accepted a
5- year phase-in plan that would become
known as "Euro-English".
first year, "s" will replace the soft
"c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil
servants jump with joy.
"c" will be dropped in favour of "k".
This should klear up konfusion, and
keyboards kan have one less letter.
There will be growing publik
enthusiasm in the sekond year when the
troublesome "ph" will be replaced with
"f". This will make words like fotograf
In the 3rd year, publik
akseptanse of the new spelling kan be
expekted to reach the stage where more
komplikated changes are possible.
Governments will enkourage the
removal of double letters which have
always ben a deterent to akurate
Also, al wil agre that the
horibl mes of the silent "e" in the
languag is disgrasful and it should go
By the 4th yer people wil be
reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th"
with "z" and "w" with "v".
fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd
from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz
fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensi bl
Zer vil be no mor trubl
or difikultis and evrivun
it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of
a united urop vil finali kum tru.
Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be
speking German like zey vunted in ze
If zis mad you smil,
pleas pas on to oza pepl.
previous joke Once upon a time there were two brothers. One brother was very mischievous, always getting into trouble. The other brother, however, was very good. He was always kind to animals, [...]
Five Jews changed the way you see the
- Moses: The Law is
- Jesus: Love is
- Marx: Money is
- Freud: Sex is
- Einstein: Everything
is relative. ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Monday, 14 February 2005
Due to increasing products liability
litigation, American liquor
manufacturers have accepted the
FDA's suggestion that the following
warning labels be placed immediately on
all varieties of alcohol containers:
WARNING: The consumption of
alcohol may leave you wondering what the
hell happened to your bra and panties.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol
may make you think you are ... read all
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Monday, 7 March 2005
A couple had only been married for two
weeks and the husband, although very
much in love, couldn't wait to go out on
the town and party with his old buddies.
So, he said to his new wife,
"Honey, I'll be right back."
are you going, Coochy Coo?" asked the
"I'm going to the bar, Pretty
Face," he answered. I'm going to have a
The wife said, "You want a
beer, my love?" She ... read all
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Wednesday, 8 August 2007
Recently while going through an airport
during one of his many trips, President
Bush encountered a man with long hair,
wearing a white robe, and sandals,
holding a staff.
Bush went up to the man and said,
"Aren't you Moses?" The man never
answered but just kept staring straight
ahead. Again the President said,
"Moses!" in a loud voice. The man just
kept staring ahead, never ... read all
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Tuesday, 5 April 2005
A man happens
upon a friend and sees that his friend's
car is wrecked and covered with leaves,
grass, branches, dirt, and blood. He
asks his friend, "What happened to your
"Well," the friend
responses, "I ran into a lawyer."
"OK," says the man, "that explains
the blood... But what about the leaves,
the grass, the branches, and the dirt?"
"Well, I had to chase ... read all
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Tuesday, 26 September 2006
A dog walks into an employment agency
- I'd like to get a job
The guy at the employment
- Wow, you could easily
get a job at the circus, with your
The dog replys:
would the circus want with a plumber? ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Tuesday, 19 November 2013
Worst Things To Say On A First Date:
- I used to have a real bad
bedwetting problem... but the last
couple of weeks I've gotten it under
- I know we just met and
this might seem a little sudden. .. but
could I borrow five hundred dollars?
- Go ahead and Super Size - I found
spare change in the sofa today.
Something tells me that you're very
special... but with medication I can ... read all
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Wednesday, 14 February 2007
Robert went to his lawyer and said:
- I would like to make a will, but I
don't know exactly how to go about it.
The lawyer smiled at Robert and
- Not a problem, leave it
all to me.
Robert looked somewhat
upset and said:
- Well, I knew you
were going to take a big portion, but I
would like to leave a little to my
family too! ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Wednesday, 8 June 2011
A cat died and went to Heaven. God met
her at the gates and said:
have been a good cat all these years.
Anything you want is yours for the
The cat thought for a minute
and then said:
- All my life I lived
on a farm and slept on hard wooden
floors. I would like a real fluffy
pillow to sleep on.
Say no more.
Instantly the cat had a
huge fluffy pillow.
A few days ... read all
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Wednesday, 30 March 2005
During a taxi, the crew of a US Air
departure flight to Ft. Lauderdale made
a wrong turn and came nose-to-nose with
a United 727. The irate ground
controller (a female) lashed out at the
US Air crew screaming, "US Air 2771,
where are you going? I told you to turn
right on 'Charlie' taxi way; you turned
right on 'Delta.' Stop right there. I
know it's difficult to tell the
difference between a C ... read all
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Tuesday, 25 March 2008
A big earthquake with the strength of
8.1 on the Richter scale hits Mexico.
Two million Mexicans have died and over
a million are injured. The country is
totally ruined and the government
doesn't know where to start with asking
for help to rebuild.
The rest of the
world is in shock.
sending troopers to help the Mexican
army control the riots.
Arabia is sending oil.
Other ... read all
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Wednesday, 31 May 2006