Headlines from the year 2029: Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world,...
proposed by: Asignix on date: 2 Mar 2006
Headlines from the year 2029: Thirty lines to make you smile. 1.. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't. 2.. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute [...]
Ozone created by electric cars now
killing millions in the seventh largest
country in the world, Mexifornia,
formerly known as California. White
minorities still trying to have English
recognized as Mexifornia's third
Spotted Owl plague
threatens northwestern United States
crops and livestock.
conceived naturally. Scientists stumped.
Couple petitions court to
reinstate heterosexual marriage.
Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim
dies in the AmericanTerritory of the
Middle East (formerly known as Iraq,
Afghanistan, Syria and Lebanon).
Iran still closed off; physicists
estimate it will take at least 10 more
years before radioactivity decreases to
France pleads for
global help after being taken over by
Castro finally dies at
age 112; Cuban cigars can now be
imported legally, but President Chelsea
Clinton has banned all smoking.
George Z. Bush says he will run for
President in 2036.
Service raises price of first class
stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail
delivery to Wednesdays only.
85-years, $75.8 billion study: Diet
and Exercise is the key to weight loss.
Average weight of Americans
drops to 250 lbs.
scientists have created a camera with
such a fast shutter speed, they now can
photograph a woman with her mouth shut.
executes last remaining conservative.
Supreme Court rules punishment
of criminals violates their civil
Average height of NBA
players now nine feet, seven inches.
New federal law requires that
all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly
swatters and rolled-up newspapers must
be registered by January 2036.
Congress authorizes direct deposit
of formerly illegal political
contributions to campaign accounts.
IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75
Florida voters still
having trouble with voting machines.
previous joke Positive Thinking Poem... Little birdy in the sky, You look up and it shits in your eye You don't mind and you don't cry, You just thank God that cows don't fly...
An elderly gentleman had serious hearing
problems for a number of years. He went
to the doctor and the doctor was able to
have him fitted for a set of hearing
aids that allowed the gentleman to hear
The elderly gentleman
went back in a month to the doctor and
the doctor said:
- Your hearing is
perfect. Your family must be really
pleased that you can hear again.
To which the gentleman ... read all
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Tuesday, 19 November 2013
A husband, the owner of a new car, was
somewhat reluctant to allow his wife to
drive his prize possession, even to the
grocery store, which was a few blocks
from the house.
After she insisted,
he finally relented, cautioning her as
she departed, "Remember, if you have an
accident, the newspaper will print your
age." ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 25 September 2008
A linguistics professor was lecturing
his class one day.
- In English, he
said, a double negative forms a
positive. In some languages, though,
such as Romanian, a double negative is
still a negative. However, there is no
language wherein a double positive can
form a negative.
A loud voice from
the back of the room piped up:
Yeah, right. ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Wednesday, 8 June 2011
News from Apple
announced today that is has developed a
computer chip that can store and play
music in women's breast implants.
The iBoob will cost between $499 and
This is considered to be
a major breakthrough, because women are
always complaining about men staring at
their breasts and not listening to them.
Thank to Apple, everyone is now
happy. ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Wednesday, 28 November 2007
UNDERSTANDING WOMEN (A MAN'S
I know I'm not going to
understand how you can take boiling hot
wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip
the hair out by the root, and still be
afraid of a spider. ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 13 May 2010
One Sunday morning, everyone in a
bright, beautiful, tiny town got up
early and went to the local church.
Before the services started, the
townspeople were sitting in their pews
and talking about their lives, their
appeared at the front of the church.
Everyone started screaming and running
for the front entrance, trampling each
other in a frantic effort to get ... read all
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 5 April 2007
On a flight to Chicago, a gentleman had
made several attempts to get into the
men's restroom, but it had always
been occupied. The flight attendant
noticed his predicament. "Sir, she said,
"You may use the ladies room if you
promise not to touch any of the buttons
on the wall."
He did what he
needed to, and as he sat there he
noticed the Buttons he had promised not
to touch. Each button ... read all
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Wednesday, 15 September 2004
A blonde woman goes into a department
store and tells the salesman she wants a
pair of pink curtains. He assures her
they have a good selection of pink
curtains. He shows her many kinds and
different fabrics of curtains she
finally picks out a pink floral pattern.
The salesman asks, "What size do you
She says, "15 inch."
exclaims, "15 INCHES! What room are they
She says, "It's ... read all
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 24 November 2005
You Know You Have a Bad Computer When...
10. The lower corner of screen has
the words "Etch A Sketch" on it.
When you insert a disk, it spits out a
pack of cigarettes.
8. You have to
7. The manual contains one
sentence: "Good luck!"
6. The only
chip inside came from a bag of Doritos.
5. When you turn it on, the dogs in
the neighborhood start howling.
You catch a virus from ... read all
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Monday, 20 August 2007
Two women came before wise King Solomon,
dragging between them a young man in a
"This young lawyer
agreed to marry my daughter," said one.
"No! He agreed to marry MY
daughter," said the other.
they haggled before the king until he
called for silence.
"Bring me my
biggest sword," said Solomon, "and I
shall hew the young attorney in half.
Each of you shall receive a ... read all
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Tuesday, 17 October 2006
Three kids come down to the kitchen and
sit around the breakfast table. The
mother asks the oldest boy what he would
like to eat.
- I would have some
****** French toast, he says.
mother is outraged at his language, hits
him, and sends him upstairs. She asks
the middle child what he wants.
Well, I guess that leaves more *******
French toast for me, he says.
livid, smacks him, and ... read all
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 2 February 2006
Year 1981 =========
Charles got married
crowned Champions of Europe
Year 2005 =========
1. Prince Charles got married
2. Liverpool crowned
Champions of Europe (again)
*** In Future,
Charles wants to re-marry
Liverpool needs another crown. .... POOR
POPE....!! ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Tuesday, 23 August 2005
Our pastor, an avid golfer, was once
taking part in a local tournament. As he
was preparing to tee off, the organizer
of the tournament approached him and
pointed to the dark, threatening storm
clouds that were gathering.
"Preacher," the organizer said, "I
trust you'll see to it that the weather
won't turn bad on us."
shook his head. "Sorry," he replied.
"I'm sales, not management!" ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Wednesday, 29 October 2008