Thirty lines to make you smile. 1.. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I...
proposed by: Aserere on date: 15 Feb 2006
Thirty lines to make you smile. The Liverpool manager flies to Baghdad to watch a young iraqi play football and is suitably impressed and arranges him to come over to Anfield. Two weeks later Liverpool are 4-0 down to Man [...]
1.. My husband and I divorced over
religious differences. He thought he was
God and I didn't.
2.. I don't suffer
from insanity; I enjoy every minute of
3.. I Work Hard Because Millions
On Welfare Depend on Me!
people are alive only because it's
illegal to kill them.
5.. I used to
have a handle on life, but it broke.
6.. Don't take life too seriously;
No one gets out alive.
just jealous because the voices only
talk to me
8.. Beauty is in the eye
of the beer holder.
9.. Earth is the
insane asylum for the universe.
I'm not a complete looser -- Some parts
11.. Out of my mind.
Back in five minutes.
the stuffy, sneezy,
13.. God must love stupid
people; He made so many.
gene pool could use a little chlorine.
15.. Consciousness: That annoying
time between naps.
16.. Ever stop to
think, and forget to start again?
17. Being "over the hill" is much
better than being under it!
Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I
Wanted to Be When I grew up.
20.. I Have a
Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want
Fries With That?
21.. A hangover is
the wrath of grapes.
22.. A journey
of a thousand miles begins with a cash
23.. Stupidity is not a
handicap. Park elsewhere!
call it PMS because MadCow Disease was
25..He who dies with
the most toys is nonetheless dead.
26..A picture is worth a thousand
words, but it uses up three thousand
times the memory.
27..Ham and eggs.
A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime
commitment for a pig.
trouble with life is there's no
29.. The original
point and click interface was a Smith
30.. I smile because I
don't know what the hell is going on.
previous joke Headlines from the year 2029: Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia, formerly known as California. White minorities [...]
UNDERSTANDING WOMEN (A MAN'S
I know I'm not going to
understand how you can take boiling hot
wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip
the hair out by the root, and still be
afraid of a spider. ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 13 May 2010
10 WAYS THE BIBLE WOULD BE DIFFERENT (If
Written By College Students)
10. Last Supper would have been
eaten the next morning - cold.
The Ten Commandments are actually only
five, double-spaced, and written in a
8. New edition every two
years in order to limit reselling.
7. Forbidden fruit would have been
eaten because it wasn't cafeteria food.
6. Paul's letter to the Romans ... read all
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 17 May 2007
Jack, who is a smart businessman, talks
to his son
Jack: I want you to
marry a girl of my choice
will choose my own bride!"
"But the girl is Bill Gates's
Son: "Well, in that
Next Jack approaches
Jack: "I have a husband
for your daughter."
"But my daughter is too young to marry!"
Jack: "But this young man is a ... read all
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 29 September 2005
A truck driver had to deliver five
hundred penguins to the state zoo. As he
was driving his truck through the
desert, the truck broke down.
After waiting by the side of the
road for about three hours, he waved
another truck down and offered the
driver $500 to take the penguins to the
state zoo for him.
day, the first truck driver arrived in
town and saw the second truck driver ... read all
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Monday, 3 December 2007
A man follows a woman out of a movie
theatre. She has a dog on a leash. He
stops her and says, "I'm sorry to
bother you, but I couldn't help but
notice that your dog was really into the
movie. He cried at the right spots, he
moved nervously in his seat at the
boring parts, but most of all, he
laughed like crazy at the funny parts.
Did you find that unusual?"
she replied, "I found ... read all
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Monday, 18 October 2004
Three engineering students were gathered
together discussing the possible
designers of the human body.
said, "It was a mechanical engineer."
Just look at all the joints."
Another said, "No, it was an
electrical engineer. The nervous system
has many thousands of electrical
The last one said,
"Actually it must have been a civil
engineer. Who else would run a toxic
waste ... read all
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 31 March 2005
News from Heaven: Due to the current
financial crisis facing the world at the
moment, the light at the end of the
tunnel will be switched off to save on
electricity costs, until further notice.
God ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Friday, 21 November 2008
Many hymnals have a hymn called "Gladly
the Cross I'd Bear."
that one week when the church secretary
was typing the Sunday
asked the pastor which hymn would come
just before the
sermon. He replied
with the above-mentioned hymn.
The following Sunday the bulletin
Hymn No. 134: "Gladly,
the Cross-eyed Bear." ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 16 October 2008
Statement: Senior Citizens Are Valuable!
We are more valuable than any of the
- We have
silver in our hair.
- We have gold
in our teeth.
- We have stones in
- We have lead in our
- We are loaded with
natural gas ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Tuesday, 26 February 2008
I went to the cinema the other day and
in the front row was an old man and with
him was his dog. It was a sad funny kind
of film, you know the type. In the sad
part, the dog cried his eyes out, and in
the funny part, the dog laughed its head
off. This happened all the way through
the film. After the film had ended, I
decided to go and speak to the man:
- That's the most amazing thing I've
seen, ... read all
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Monday, 14 November 2011
"Davey, what sound does a cow make?"
Davey replied, "It goes 'moo.'"
"Alice, what sound does a cat make?"
Alice said, "It goes 'meow.'"
"Jamie, what sound does a lamb
Jamie said, "It goes 'baaa.'"
"Jennifer, what sound does a
Jennifer paused, and
said, "Uhh. .. it goes. .. 'click!'" ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Tuesday, 14 August 2007