A statistician, who refused to fly after reading of the alarmingly high probability that there will be a bomb on any given plane,...
proposed: 7 Feb 2006
A guy joins a monastery and takes a vow
of silence: he is allowed to say two
words every seven years.
After the
first seven years, the elders bring him
in and ask for his two words. "Cold
floors," he says. They nod and send him
away.
Seven more years pass. They
bring him back in and ask for his two
words. He clears his throats and says,
"Bad food." They nod and send him away.
Seven more years
... read all Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 2 February 2006
My sister, a truck driver, had decided
to get a dog for protection. As she
inspected a likely candidate, the
trainer told her, "He doesn't like men."
Perfect, my sister thought, and took the
dog.
Then one day, two men in a
parking lot approached her, and she
watched to see how her canine bodyguard
would react. Soon it became clear that
the trainer wasn't kidding. As the men
got closer, the dog
... read all Bancuri in Engleza (English) Wednesday, 13 June 2007
A blonde at the grocery store:
- I
would like 4 tomatoes, 4 potatoes and 4
onions.
- I can help you with the
tomatoes and the potatoes, but not with
the onions...
- Ok... than I'll
have 2 tomatoes, 2 potatoes and 2
onions.
- I see you don't understand
me: I have tomatoes, I have potatoes,
but I have no onions.
- I see...
then I'll have a tomato, a potato and an
onion.
- Ok, let's do this
... read all Bancuri in Engleza (English) Saturday, 14 July 2007
Statement: Senior Citizens Are Valuable!
We are more valuable than any of the
younger generations:
- We have
silver in our hair.
- We have gold
in our teeth.
- We have stones in
our kidneys.
- We have lead in our
feet and.
- We are loaded with
natural gas
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Tuesday, 26 February 2008
TEACHER: George Washington not only
chopped down his father's cherry tree,
but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you
know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the
axe in his hand.
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Friday, 1 May 2009
3 Little Pigs - The Untold Story
This is classic - a true story,
proving how fascinating is the mind of a
six year old. They think so logically.
A teacher was reading the story
of the Three Little Pigs to her class.
She came to the part of the story where
the first pig was trying to gather the
building materials for his home. She
read, "...and so the pig went up to the
man with the
... read all Bancuri in Engleza (English) Tuesday, 31 August 2004
Explicatii de dat atunci cand nu va merg
aplicatiile si programele.
COUNT DOWN......
20.
"That's weird..."
19. "It's never
done that before."
18. "It worked
yesterday."
17. "How is that
possible?"
16. "It must be a
hardware problem."
15. "What did you
type in wrong to get it to crash?"
14. "There is something funky in
your data."
13. "I haven't touched
that module in weeks!"
12.
... read all Bancuri in Engleza (English) Tuesday, 28 November 2006
A couple had only been married for two
weeks and the husband, although very
much in love, couldn't wait to go out on
the town and party with his old buddies.
So, he said to his new wife,
"Honey, I'll be right back."
"Where
are you going, Coochy Coo?" asked the
wife.
"I'm going to the bar, Pretty
Face," he answered. I'm going to have a
beer."
The wife said, "You want a
beer, my love?" She
... read all Bancuri in Engleza (English) Wednesday, 8 August 2007
A Polish man moved to the USA and
married an American girl. Although his
English was far from perfect, they got
along very well until one day he rushed
into a lawyer's office and asked him if
he could arrange a divorce for him.
The lawyer said that getting a
divorce would depend on the
circumstances, and asked him the
following questions:
- Have you any
grounds?
- Yes, an acre and half and
... read all Bancuri in Engleza (English) Tuesday, 16 January 2007
Jack and Max are walking from religious
service. Jack wonders whether it would
be all right to smoke while praying. Max
replies, "Why don't you ask the
Priest?" So Jack goes up to the Priest
and asks, "Priest, may I smoke while I
pray?"
But the Priest says,
"No, my son, you may not. That's
utter disrespect to our religion."
Jack goes back to his friend and
tells him what the good
... read all Bancuri in Engleza (English) Wednesday, 1 September 2004
A young lady visited the government
matchmaker for marriage and requested:
"I'm looking for a spouse. Can you
please help me to find a suitable one?"
The marriage officer said: "Your
requirements please."
"Well, let me
see. Needs to be good looking, polite,
humorous, sporty, knowledgeable, good at
singing and dancing.
Willing to
accompany me the whole day at home
during my leisure hour, if I
... read all Bancuri in Engleza (English) Monday, 27 August 2007
An engineer was crossing a road one-day
when a frog called out to him and said:
- If you kiss me, I'll turn into
a beautiful princess.
He bent over,
picked up the frog and put it in his
pocket.
The frog spoke up again and
said:
- If you kiss me and turn me
back into a beautiful princess, I will
stay with you for one week.
The
engineer took the frog out of his
pocket, smiled at it and
... read all Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 31 March 2005
A man is taking a walk in Central park
in New York. Suddenly he sees the little
girl being attacked by a pitbull. He
runs over and starts fighting with the
dog. He succeds in killing the dog and
saving the girls live.
A policeman
who was watching the scene walks over
and says:
- You are a hero, tomorrow
you can read it in all the newspapers:
"Brave New Yorker saves a little girl's
life"
- But
... read all Bancuri in Engleza (English) Wednesday, 3 May 2006
Women are like apples on trees. The best
ones are at the top of the tree. Most
men don't want to reach for the good
ones because they are afraid of falling
and getting hurt. Instead, they just
take the rotten apples from the ground
that aren't as good, but easy.......
The apples at the top think something is
wrong with them, when in reality,
they're amazing. They just have to
wait for
... read all Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 5 May 2005