One sunny day in 2005 an old man approached the White House from across Pennsylvania Ave, where he'd been sitting on a park...

Joke from category: Bancuri in Engleza (English)

proposed: 24 Nov 2005

One sunny day in 2005 an old man approached the White House from across Pennsylvania Ave, where he'd been sitting on a park bench. He spoke to the US Marine standing guard and said, "I would like to go in and meet with President Bush."
The Marine looked at the man and said, "Sir, Mr. Bush is no longer president and no longer resides here." The old man said, "Okay" and walked away.
The following day, the same man approached the White House and said to the same Marine, "I would like to go in and meet with President Bush."
The Marine again told the man, "Sir, as I said yesterday, Mr. Bush is no longer president and no longer resides here." The man thanked him and, again, just walked away.
The third day, the same man approached the White House and spoke to the very same US Marine, saying "I would like to go in and meet with President Bush."
The Marine, understandably agitated at this point, looked at the man and said, "Sir, this is the third day in a row you have been here asking to speak to Mr. Bush. I've told you already that Mr. Bush is no longer the president and no longer resides here. Don't you understand?"
The old man looked at the Marine and said, "Oh, I understand. I just love hearing it"
The Marine snapped to attention, saluted, and said, "See you tomorrow, Sir."

A blonde woman goes into a department store and tells the salesman she wants a pair of pink curtains. He assures her they have a good selection of pink curtains. He shows her many kinds and different [...]
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Heaven is where the police are British, the chefs Italian, the mechanics German, the lovers French and it is all organized by the Swiss. Hell is where police are German, the chefs British, the [...]
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You Know You Have a Bad Computer When...
10. The lower corner of screen has the words "Etch A Sketch" on it.
9. When you insert a disk, it spits out a pack of cigarettes.
8. You have to pedal it.
7. The manual contains one sentence: "Good luck!"
6. The only chip inside came from a bag of Doritos.
5. When you turn it on, the dogs in the neighborhood start howling.
4. You catch a virus from ... read all

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Monday, 20 August 2007


Answering Machine at the Mental Hospital:

Hello, and welcome to the mental health hospital.

-If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

-If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

-If you have multiple personalities, press 3,4,5 and 6.

-If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.

-If you ... read all

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Monday, 18 October 2004


Late one night, a man walks into a dentist's surgery and says, "Excuse me, can you help me? I think I'm a moth."
Dentist: "You don't need a dentist. You need a psychiatrist."
Man: "Yes, I know."
Dentist: "So why did you come in here?"
Man: "Well, the light was on." ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Wednesday, 9 May 2007


Jack and Max are walking from religious service. Jack wonders whether it would be all right to smoke while praying. Max replies, "Why don't you ask the Priest?" So Jack goes up to the Priest and asks, "Priest, may I smoke while I pray?"

But the Priest says, "No, my son, you may not. That's utter disrespect to our religion."
Jack goes back to his friend and tells him what the good ... read all

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Wednesday, 1 September 2004


A man follows a woman out of a movie theatre. She has a dog on a leash. He stops her and says, "I'm sorry to bother you, but I couldn't help but notice that your dog was really into the movie. He cried at the right spots, he moved nervously in his seat at the boring parts, but most of all, he laughed like crazy at the funny parts. Did you find that unusual?"
"Yes," she replied, "I found ... read all

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Monday, 18 October 2004


Positive Thinking Poem...

Little birdy in the sky,
You look up and it shits in your eye
You don't mind and you don't cry,
You just thank God that cows don't fly... ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Friday, 10 March 2006


One Sunday morning, everyone in a bright, beautiful, tiny town got up early and went to the local church. Before the services started, the townspeople were sitting in their pews and talking about their lives, their families, etc.

Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church. Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get ... read all

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 5 April 2007


Tom Thumb, Sleeping Beauty, and Quasimodo were all talking one day.
Sleeping Beauty said:
- I believe myself to be the most beautiful girl in the world.
Tom Thumb said:
- I must be the smallest person in the world.
Quasimodo said:
- I absolutely have to be the ugliest person in the world.

They decided to go to the Guinness Book of World Records to have their claims verified.
Sleeping ... read all

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Tuesday, 15 March 2005


Subject: Geography lesson for the Day


THE GEOGRAPHY OF A WOMAN

Between 18 and 20 a woman is like Africa, half discovered, half wild, naturally beautiful with fertile deltas.

Between 21 and 30 a woman is like America, well-developed and open to trade, especially for someone with cash.

Between 31 and 35 she is like India, very hot, relaxed and
convinced of her own beauty.

Between ... read all

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Wednesday, 10 November 2004


A guy shows up late for work. The boss yells "You should have been here at 8:30!" he replies: "Why? What happened at 8:30?" ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 2 February 2006


A Chinese couple got married. When a baby girl was born, her eyes were big and blue, hair was curly and blonde, skin was brown. Finally, the father named the baby SUM TING RONG." ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Monday, 11 September 2006


What's the difference between stress, tension and panic?
Stress is when wife is pregnant.
Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant.
Panic is when both are pregnant. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Tuesday, 1 March 2005


Ce ar putea intelege cineva care nu stie engleza atunci cand te aude spunand: "I can't believe you."
Raspuns: "Ai Kent, ba Liviu?" ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Tuesday, 11 November 2014


TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find
North America. <br>MARIA: Here it is.
<br>TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who
discovered America? <br>CLASS: Maria.TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America.
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
CLASS: Maria. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Wednesday, 26 November 2008


Round like a shotRound like a shot ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Tuesday, 2 October 2007