A woman goes into a department store and tells the salesman she wants a pair of pink curtains. He assures her they have a good...
proposed: 24 Nov 2005
A woman goes into a department store and
tells the salesman she wants a pair of
pink curtains. He assures her they have
a good selection of pink curtains. He
shows her many kinds and different
fabrics of curtains she finally picks
out a pink floral pattern.
The
salesman asks, "What size do you need?"
She says, "15 inch."
He
exclaims, "15 INCHES! What room are they
for?"
She says, "It's not for a
room, it's for my computer monitor."
The surprised salesman exclaims,
"Miss, computers do not need curtains."
The woman says, "HEL...Looooooo...
I've got windows.!!"
Stephen Spielberg is casting for a new film based around the great composers. Anyway to give the film a twist and some oomph he decides to cast the parts to the great action heroes of today. [...]
previous joke Heaven is where the police are British, the chefs Italian, the mechanics German, the lovers French and it is all organized by the Swiss. Hell is where police are German, the chefs British, the [...]
next joke
One night while I was cat-sitting my
daughter's indoor feline, it escaped
outside. When it failed to return the
following morning, I found the beast
clinging to a branch about 30 feet up in
a spindly tree. Unable to lure it down,
I called the fire department.
"We don't do that anymore," the woman
dispatcher said. When I persisted, she
was polite but firm. "The cat will come
down when it gets
... read all Bancuri in Engleza (English) Tuesday, 30 January 2007
UNDERSTANDING WOMEN (A MAN'S
PERSPECTIVE)
I know I'm not going to understand
women.
I'll never understand how you can take
boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper
thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and
still be afraid of a spider.
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 13 May 2010
A Polish man moved to the USA and
married an American girl. Although his
English was far from perfect, they got
along very well until one day he rushed
into a lawyer's office and asked him if
he could arrange a divorce for him.
The lawyer said that getting a divorce
would depend on the circumstances, and
asked him the following questions:
- Have you any grounds?
- Yes, an acre and half and nice
... read all Bancuri in Engleza (English) Tuesday, 16 January 2007
Fifteen days ago, I read that smoking
can kill you.
The next day I stopped smoking.
Twelve days ago, I read that too much
red meat can kill you.
The next day I stopped eating red meat.
Eight days ago, I read that drinking can
kill you. The next day I stopped
drinking.
Yesterday, I read that even the air can
kill you.
This morning I stopped reading.
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Monday, 25 April 2005
"I just don't understand it", an Irish
footballer complained... "One match I
play very well, and then the next match
I'm terrible".
"Well", said his wife, "why don't you
just play every other match?"
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Wednesday, 30 April 2008
About five years ago, the battery in my
beat-up VW Beetle had died because I
left the lights on overnight. I was in a
hurry to get to work on time, so I ran
into the house to get my wife to give me
a hand in starting the car.
I told her to get into our second car, a
prehistoric oversized gas guzzler, and
use it to push my car fast enough to
start it. I pointed out to her that
because the VW had
... read all Bancuri in Engleza (English) Friday, 18 January 2008
Q: Tarzan and the animals went to the
river to take a bath. Tarzan removed his
clothes. All the animals laughed. Tarzan
asked "Why"?
A: The animals told him. Your tail is in
front".
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Monday, 5 February 2007
HOW TO RECRUIT THE RIGHT PERSON FOR THE
JOB?
Put about 100 bricks in some particular
order in a closed room with an open
window. Then send 2 or 3 candidates in
the room and close the door. Leave them
alone and come back after 6 hours and
then analyses the situation.
If they are counting the bricks. Put
them in the accounts department.
If they are recounting them. Put them in
auditing.
If they
... read all Bancuri in Engleza (English) Friday, 10 March 2006
Lady: Is this my train?
Station Master: No, it belongs to the
Railway Company.
Lady: Don't try to be funny. I mean to
ask if I can take this train to New
Delhi.
Station Master: No Madam, I'm afraid
it's too heavy.
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Tuesday, 27 February 2007
There is an old story about a mother who
walks in on her six-year-old son and
finds him sobbing. "What's the matter?"
she asks.
"I've just figured out how to tie my
shoes."
"Well, honey, that's wonderful." Being a
wise mother, she recognizes his victory
in the Eriksonian struggle of autonomy
versus doubt: "You're growing up, but
why are you crying?"
"Because," he says, "now I'll have to do
it
... read all Bancuri in Engleza (English) Friday, 20 April 2007
Unexpected cold snaps had destroyed the
buds on my father's young peach tree for
two years in a row. This spring, Dad was
ready. He replanted the sapling in a
large box, mounted it on wheels, and put
the tree in the garage whenever the
temperature dropped.
One warm April day, Dad was wheeling the
tree out into the yard, and he stopped
to give our dog a drink from the garden
hose. A neighbor
... read all Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 14 June 2007
A man visited a psychiatrist to talk
about his dreams.
"Every night," the man said, "I dream
that these three hideous monsters are
sitting on the edge of my bed, ready to
attack me."
"Hmmm," said the doctor. "I feel sure I
can cure you of this problem. But the
treatment will cost you somewhere
between twenty-five and thirty thousand
dollars."
"Thirty thousand dollars!" the man
gasped. "Never mind
... read all Bancuri in Engleza (English) Friday, 9 March 2007