Stephen Spielberg is casting for a new film based around the great composers. Anyway to give the film a twist and some oomph he...

Joke from category: Bancuri in Engleza (English)

proposed: 23 Nov 2005

Stephen Spielberg is casting for a new film based around the great composers. Anyway to give the film a twist and some "oomph" he decides to cast the parts to the great action heroes of today. He calls Stallone, Arnie, Bruce Willis and Seagal into his office to hear who they would like to play.
- Well, started Stallone, I've always admired Mozart. I would love to play him.
- Chopin has always been my favourite, and my image would improve if people saw me playing the piano, said Willis. I'll play him.
- I've always been partial to Strauss and his waltzes, said Segal. I'd like to play him.
Spielberg was very pleased with these choices.
- Sounds splendid.
Then, looking at Schwarzenegger, he asked:
- Who do you want to be, Arnold?
So Arnie says:
- I'll be Bach!

A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a Cop. Being a typical lawyer, he thinks he is smarter than the Cop so he decides to have some fun at the Cop's expense. Cop says: - License [...]
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Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is the nature of your emergency?
Caller: I'm trying to reach nine eleven but my phone doesn't have an eleven on it.
Dispatcher: This is nine eleven.
Caller: I though you just said it was nine-one-one.
Dispatcher: Yes, ma'am nine-one-one and nine-eleven are the same thing.
Caller: Honey, I may be old, but I'm not stupid. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 12 April 2007


A guy joins a monastery and takes a vow of silence: he is allowed to say two words every seven years.
After the first seven years, the elders bring him in and ask for his two words. "Cold floors," he says. They nod and send him away.
Seven more years pass. They bring him back in and ask for his two words. He clears his throats and says, "Bad food." They nod and send him away.
Seven more years ... read all

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 2 February 2006


21st CENTURY LIFELESSNESS...

Our communication - Wireless
Our telephone - Cordless
Our cooking - Fireless
Our youth - Jobless
Our religion - Creedless
Our food - Fatless
Our faith - Godless
Our labor - Effortless
Our conduct - Worthless
Our relation - Loveless
Our attitude - Careless
Our feelings - Heartless
Our politics - Shameless
Our education - Valueless
Our Follies - ... read all

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Wednesday, 20 July 2005


Young Chuck moved to Texas and bought a Donkey from a farmer for $100. The farmer agreed to deliver the Donkey the next day. <br> <br>The next day he drove up and said, 'Sorry son, but I have some bad ...Young Chuck moved to Texas and bought a Donkey from a farmer for $100. The farmer agreed to deliver the Donkey the next day.

The next day he drove up and said, 'Sorry son, but I have some bad News, the donkey died.' Chuck replied, 'Well, then just give me my money back.' The farmer said, 'Can't do that. I went and spent it already.'

Chuck said, 'Ok, then, just bring me the dead ... read all

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Tuesday, 14 October 2008


In an airplane the captain tells the passengers:
- This is your captain speaking. We are losing altitude and we do not have enough fuel to reach land. Therefore, we have to let all the baggage leave the airplane.
The airplane gains altitude again. Half an hour later the airplane begins losing altitude again and the captain is on the loudspeakers once more:
- This is your captain speaking. We ... read all

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Monday, 31 July 2006


I went to the cinema the other day and in the front row was an old man and with him was his dog. It was a sad funny kind of film, you know the type. In the sad part, the dog cried his eyes out, and in the funny part, the dog laughed its head off. This happened all the way through the film. After the film had ended, I decided to go and speak to the man:
- That's the most amazing thing I've seen, ... read all

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Monday, 14 November 2011


The Programmer's drinking song:

99 little bugs in the code,
99 bugs in the code,
Fix one bug, compile it again,
101 little bugs in the code.
101 little bugs in the code,
101 bugs in the code,
Fix one bug, compile it again,
103 little bugs in the code. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Monday, 16 October 2006


An old mafia Don is dying and he calls his grandson to the bed.
- You lissin-a me. I wanna for you to taka my chrome plated 38 revolver so you will always remember me.
- But grandpa, I really don't like guns. Howzabout you leava me your rolex watch instead?
- Shuddup and lissin. Somma day you gonna runna da business, you gonna have a beautifulla wife, lotsa money, a biga home and maybe a ... read all

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Monday, 17 October 2005


Two lawyers arrive at the pub and ordered a couple of drinks. They then take sandwiches from their briefcases and began to eat.
Seeing this, the angry publican approaches them and says, 'Excuse me, but you cannot eat your own sandwiches in here!'
The two look at each other, shrug and exchange sandwiches. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Wednesday, 8 June 2011


A Czech goes to the optician who shows him a card with the letters 'C Z W X N Q S T A C Z'.
"Can you read this?" the optician asks.
"Read it?" the Czech replies, "I even know the guy." ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Tuesday, 31 August 2004


Once upon a time there were two brothers.

One brother was very mischievous, always getting into trouble.

The other brother, however, was very good. He was always kind to animals, helped elderly neighbors, and led an exemplary life.

As time went on, the brothers stayed in touch but were never close.

The evil brother became a heavy drinker and a womanizer.

The other brother was a ... read all

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 6 April 2006


A wife asked her husband: "What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?"
He looked at her from head to toes and replied after a pause: "I like your sense of humor!" ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Monday, 10 January 2005


You Know You Have a Bad Computer When...
10. The lower corner of screen has the words "Etch A Sketch" on it.
9. When you insert a disk, it spits out a pack of cigarettes.
8. You have to pedal it.
7. The manual contains one sentence: "Good luck!"
6. The only chip inside came from a bag of Doritos.
5. When you turn it on, the dogs in the neighborhood start howling.
4. You catch a virus from ... read all

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Monday, 20 August 2007


A man is walking along a cliff and all of a sudden loses his balance, slips, and falls off. Fortunately, he has the presence of mind to grab on to the edge, and he's hanging there for dear life. He hangs and hangs an finally yells out: "Is there anybody up there who can help me?"
There's no answer.
He keeps calling and calling. "Is there anybody up there who can help me?".
Finally this big ... read all

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Monday, 20 August 2007


A school teacher sends this note to all parents on the first day of school: "If you promise not to believe everything your child says happens at school, I'll promise not to believe everything he says happens at home." ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Sunday, 27 January 2008