1. There's always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it. For example, I am sitting here thinking how nice it...
proposed: 30 May 2005
1. There's always a lot to be thankful
for if you take time to look for it. For
example, I am sitting here thinking how
nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt.
2. The easiest way to find
something lost around the house is to
buy a replacement.
3. You don't
stop laughing because you grow old. You
grow old because you stop laughing.
4. A penny saved is a government
oversight.
5. The older you
get, the tougher it is to lose weight,
because by then your body and your fat
are really good friends.
6.
When I'm feeling down, I like to
whistle. It makes the neighbor's dog
that barks all the time run to the end
of his chain and gag himself.
7. He who hesitates is probably
right.
8. If you can smile when
things go wrong, you have someone in
mind to blame.
9. The purpose
of a child's middle name is so he can
tell when he's really in trouble.
10. How long a minute is depends on
what side of the bathroom door you're
on.
11. If ignorance is bliss,
why aren't a lot more people happy?
12. Most of us go to our graves with
our music still inside us.
13.
If Wal-Mart is lowering prices every
day, how come nothing is free yet?
14. You may be only one person in
the world, but you may also be the world
to one person.
15. Some
mistakes are too much fun to make only
once.
16. Don't cry because
it's over: smile because it happened.
17. We could learn a lot from
crayons: some are sharp, some are
pretty, some are dull, some have weird
names, and all are different colors. But
they all have to learn to live in the
same box.
18. Everything should
be made as simple as possible, but no
simpler.
19. A truly happy
person is one who can enjoy the scenery
on a detour.
20. Happiness
sometimes comes through doors you didn't
even know you left open.
21.
Once over the hill, you pick up speed.
22. I love cooking with wine.
Sometimes I even put it in the food.
23. If not for STRESS, some
days I'd have no energy at all.
24. Whatever hits the fan will not
be evenly distributed.
25.
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some
just don't have film.
26. I
know God won't give me more than I can
handle. I just wish He didn't trust me
so much.
27. If you can't be
kind, at least be vague.
28.
Dogs have owners. Cats have staff.
29. We cannot change the direction
of the wind, but we can adjust our
sails.
30. If the shoe fits,
buy it in every color.
31. Have
an awesome day, and know that someone
thought about you today!
I am passing this on to you because it definitely worked for me and we all could use more calm in our lives. By following the simple advice I heard on a Dr. Phil show, I have finally found inner [...]
previous joke A couple is lying in bed. The man says: I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world. The woman says: I'll miss you.
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First-year students at Texas A&M's Vet
School were receiving theirfirst anatomy
class, with a real dead cow. They all
gathered around the surgery table with
the body covered with a white sheet. The
professor started the class by telling
them:
- In vet medicine it is
necessary to have two important
qualities as a doctor: the first is that
you not be disgusted by anything
involving the animal
... read all Bancuri in Engleza (English) Wednesday, 2 May 2007
A simple friend, when visiting, acts
like a guest.
A real friend opens
your refrigerator and helps himself.
A simple friend has never seen
you cry.
A real friend has shoulders
soggy from your tears.
A simple
friend doesn't know your
parents'
first names.
A real
friend has their phone numbers in his
address book.
A simple friend
brings a bottle of wine to your party.
A real
... read all Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 5 May 2005
Two guys walk into a bar, separately,
and have a seat at the bar.
One
guy notices the other has a black eye,
just like him.
“Hey buddy,
how’d you get your shiner?”
“Well, I was at the train station,
and the ticket girl was veeery hot. And
instead of two tickets to Pittsburg, I
slipped and said ‘two PICKets to
TITTsburg’ and she hit me square in
the
... read all Bancuri in Engleza (English) Sunday, 24 August 2008
A ragged individual stranded for several
months on a small desert island in the
middle of the Pacific Ocean noticed a
bottle lying in the sand with a piece of
paper in it. Rushing to the bottle, he
pulled out the cork and with shaking
hands withdrew the message.
"Due to
lack of maintenance," he read, "we
regretfully have found it necessary to
cancel your e-mail account."
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Wednesday, 23 May 2007
A Czech goes to the optician who shows
him a card with the letters 'C Z W X
N Q S T A C Z'.
"Can you read
this?" the optician asks.
"Read
it?" the Czech replies, "I even know the
guy."
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Tuesday, 31 August 2004
I'm sorry that you haven't
gotten much email from me lately.
It's because I'm tired. For a
couple years I've been blaming it on
iron poor blood, lack of vitamins,
dieting and a dozen other maladies. But
now I found out the real reason. I'm
tired because I'm overworked.
The population of this country is
237 million. 104 million are retired.
That leaves 133 million to
... read all Bancuri in Engleza (English) Monday, 18 October 2004
The man told his doctor that he wasn't
able to do all the things around the
house that he used to do. When the
examination was complete, he said:
-
Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell me in
plain English what is wrong with me.
- Well, in plain English, the doctor
replied, you're just lazy.
- Okay,
said the man. Now give me the medical
term so I can tell my wife.
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 2 June 2011
A cowboy went to an insurance agency to
buy a policy. The agent asked, "Have you
ever had an accident?"
"Nope,"
replied the cowboy. "Last summer, a
bronc kicked in two of my ribs, and a
couple of years ago, a rattlesnake bit
me on the ankle."
"Wouldn't you call
those accidents?" quizzed the puzzled
agent.
"Naw," the cowboy replied.
"They did it on purpose!"
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Wednesday, 15 November 2006
There is an old story about a mother who
walks in on her six-year-old son and
finds him sobbing. "What's the matter?"
she asks.
"I've just figured out how
to tie my shoes."
"Well, honey,
that's wonderful." Being a wise mother,
she recognizes his victory in the
Eriksonian struggle of autonomy versus
doubt: "You're growing up, but why are
you crying?"
"Because," he says,
"now I'll have to do it
... read all Bancuri in Engleza (English) Friday, 20 April 2007
All the scientists die and go to heaven.
They decide to play hide-n-seek.
Unfortunately Einstein is the one who
has the den. He is supposed to count up
to 100 and then start searching.
Everyone starts hiding except Newton.
Newton just draws a square of 1 meter
and stands in it right in front of
Einstein. Einstein's counting:
1,2,3..97,98,99,100.
He opens his
eyes and finds Newton standing in
... read all Bancuri in Engleza (English) Monday, 5 September 2005
A man walks along a lonely beach.
Suddenly he hears a deep voice: DIG!
He looks around; nobody's there. "I
am having hallucinations," he thinks.
Then he hears the voice again: I SAID,
DIG!
So he starts to dig in the sand
with his bare hands, and after a bit, he
finds a small chest with a rusty lock.
The deep voice says: OPEN!
OK,
the man thinks, let's open the thing. He
finds a rock with
... read all Bancuri in Engleza (English) Friday, 18 April 2008
When I went to lunch today, I noticed an
old lady near a park bench sobbing her
eyes out. I stopped and asked her what
was wrong.
She said: "I have a 22
year old husband at home. He makes love
to me every morning and then gets up and
makes me pancakes, sausage, fresh fruit
and freshly ground coffee."
I said:
"Well, then why are you crying?"
She
said: "He makes me homemade soup for
lunch and my
... read all Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 24 February 2005
My wife's family and I were at a Harding
University football game. Every time
someone carried the ball or made a
tackle, the announcer would broadcast
who had made the play.
Near the
beginning of the third quarter after the
announcer called a play, my niece,
Madison, looked up at my wife and
innocently asked, "Is that God talking?"
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Wednesday, 22 November 2006